[Help] Divorce help

[Goldstone1976]

Thanks for that. I do spend a fair bit of time in London so if you're able to PM me some details that'd be really helpful.

Done.

 

[fanseagull]

I went through it recently and realised very early on Solicitors will extend it as long as possible to gain as much money they can. With the help of the internet I managed with a little reading to do the whole thing myself. The best part was the ex wife using a barrister at ridiculous amounts she was paying, every time I went in to court the different judges seemed to be on my side and although not allowed to offer advice, they would ask questions like have you considered this or that. In the end I never paid anything to solicitors, so it can be done with a little work.

I did get some free help from a group of newly qualified solicitors from Sussex University. If you want their details or any help or advice pm me.

And this was a VERY terrible divorce. Don't be scared to do it yourself.

This......

 

[Westdene Seagull]

Thanks to you all for your advice so far. I'd definitely like to keep the lawyers out of it if possible, so some of your comments are very reassuring, but there are definitely some details that I could use a bit of proper advice on. How do I get that without being encouraged to go down a more legalistic route? My ex is keen to avoid even paying for mediation, but I'm not sure how we move things from talking around the kitchen table to actually taking some action.

If your ex is keen to avoid paying lmediation fees then she's not seen anything yet when it comes to solicitors fees !!!! Mediation was about £150 a session and took about 4 sessions for me. With solicitors you're looking at over £200 an hour ( remember you will both have a solicitor unlike mediation ) and the bills can run in to thousands each.
We started with a mutual friend sitting down with us and getting the main details down on paper - what we each wanted to do about the house, what we both expected around access to the children, schooling expectations, what would happen to pensions etc. Then you have a good starting point for mediation.

 

[GT49er]

Myself and the previous Mrs W didn't use a solicitor - we used a mediation service to agree things and then had a seperation agreement drawn up by the said service. We used Sussex Mediation Services but I'm not sure if they are still going. I believe Relate can offer the service though.

The problem is not the solicitor, it's the bloody courts. We had a separation agreement drawn up more than ten years ago; both parties adhered to it scrupulously. We now each have a house, we each have a pension, the kids have grown up and left and we both have some savings. Neither of us wants anything from the other.

That's not good enough for the court to grant a divorce, though. They will not do so until they have received very detailed financial statements (including stuff like the cash value of the pensions we are receiving, the interest on our savings and the value of our houses). We also have to sign to say we have seen the other's financial details, and agree with them. The court will then decide if they think it's fair, or if they want to force us to shuffle assets around to B]their[/B] satisfaction (regardless of our wishes). We're seriously considering telling them to stuff it, and not bother with the formality of a divorce.

 

[Westdene Seagull]

The problem is not the solicitor, it's the bloody courts. We had a separation agreement drawn up more than ten years ago; both parties adhered to it scrupulously. We now each have a house, we each have a pension, the kids have grown up and left and we both have some savings. Neither of us wants anything from the other.

That's not good enough for the court to grant a divorce, though. They will not do so until they have received very detailed financial statements (including stuff like the cash value of the pensions we are receiving, the interest on our savings and the value of our houses). We also have to sign to say we have seen the other's financial details, and agree with them. The court will then decide if they think it's fair, or if they want to force us to shuffle assets around to B]their[/B] satisfaction (regardless of our wishes). We're seriously considering telling them to stuff it, and not bother with the formality of a divorce.

That seems very strange - I have the a similar issue at the moment with the ex wanting a consent order and the court haven't granted it ( not that I care ). The divorce itself was easy .... wait five years and it's as good as automatically granted.

 

[GT49er]

That seems very strange - I have the a similar issue at the moment with the ex wanting a consent order and the court haven't granted it ( not that I care ). The divorce itself was easy .... wait five years and it's as good as automatically granted.

Yeh, it's not what I expected either - we've lived apart and independently for over ten years, and frankly I don't think anything other than that is any of the court's damn business.

 

[Arthritic Toe]

Echo those words already posted - avoid using a solicitor if you possibly can. They will bleed you dry and will attempt to create conflict where there is currently none.

If it is amicable, it is a case of researching what a fair settlement will look like and then making your own agreement along those lines. You can then formalise this into a Consent Order which goes in front of the divorce court. There are various fixed price online services that will put together the Consent Order for you once you have agreed it. I used wikivorce who were very good.

Best of luck,

 

[GM98]

I'll definitely be getting in touch with you. I hope things are working out for you now...

Oh yes times are better, it took 2 years from start to finish because the ex wife kept doing everything to delay proceedings. I did my part as quickly as I could so the Judge could not award additional costs.

Just remembered it was CLOCK who helped me free of charge, website below. They will even come into court with you for support. They are brilliant.
http://www.sussex.ac.uk/lps/internal/departments/law/clinical-legal-education/clock

The other thing I did half way through and before CLOCK was to get 30 minutes free legal advice from a Solicitor, this also helped as he told me one of the forms I completed was not the correct form.

 

[Sheebo]

Been going through this for nearly 2 years now - worst and most stressful time of my life. Dealing with tit for tat rubbish from a nasty person and very poor solicitor is horrible. I have a very good one who is honest and not interested in playing games. If you want his info email me.

Actually got a court date for a months time re the littlen and feeling extremely scared and exhausted. Yet all I’m asking for is the 50/50 care for my daughter we’ve always had. Worst thing is my ex got solicitors involved and then tried to change the childcare arrangements. I’ve lost people in the past as we all have in life but this is a completely different kind of grief and depression. Found it so hard. Sorry to be a downer but feel better typing this. Basically keep it as amicable as you can and use mediation rather than solicitors if you can. Someone using a child as a weapon is absolutely sick and those who do are disgusting people.

 

[Weststander]

Been going through this for nearly 2 years now - worst and most stressful time of my life. Dealing with tit for tat rubbish from a nasty person and very poor solicitor is horrible. I have a very good one who is honest and not interested in playing games. If you want his info email me.

Actually got a court date for a months time re the littlen and feeling extremely scared and exhausted. Yet all I’m asking for is the 50/50 care for my daughter we’ve always had. Worst thing is my ex got solicitors involved and then tried to change the childcare arrangements. I’ve lost people in the past as we all have in life but this is a completely different kind of grief and depression. Found it so hard. Sorry to be a downer but feel better typing this. Basically keep it as amicable as you can and use mediation rather than solicitors if you can. Someone using a child as a weapon is absolutely sick and those who do are disgusting people.

Sorry to hear that, I hope you get what you want. Completely normal emotions. At least you know that you won’t have to spend the rest of your life with that other person.

Love your quality NSC avatar btw.

 

[Harry Wilson's tackle]

Morning all

Can anyone recommend a decent divorce solicitor?

I know there have been plenty of threads on here in the past with people going through similar stuff, and it's reassuring to know that I'm not alone, particularly as I've suffered from a real lack of support from some of my closest family. I don't want to go into too much detail on here, but it's amazing how oblivious others can be to the things that go on behind closed doors.

Never the less, it's been a little while now and my ex appears to want to sort things out amicably and 'without resorting to solicitors' - so I'm looking for a solicitor who'll be able to give me advice in the background, make sure I'm not having the piss taken out of me (which is entirely possible given the history of my marriage) and then facilitate whatever needs doing to make it happen. We have children, but we're not arguing over them and for their sake I don't want things to get nasty while we work out what happens to the house and my (relatively small) financial assets.

I've never used any kind of legal service before apart from conveyancing, which I did online, so I'm pretty stumped about where to start, and there doesn't seem to be a 'Which' guide or tripadvisor for lawyers. I was also recently let down by someone from a well known local firm just at the point where I was about to start throwing money at him, so I'm slightly nervous about instructing someone who might be equally as unhelpful.

I'm the first person in my circle of friends and family to go through this, so I don't really have anyone to turn to... so please help me NSC!

Try to do a deal dirctly. Solicitors are adversarial. And costly. I have two personal expriences. Mind you if the other party is a nutter, get a solicitor.

 

[Harry Wilson's tackle]

Been going through this for nearly 2 years now - worst and most stressful time of my life. Dealing with tit for tat rubbish from a nasty person and very poor solicitor is horrible. I have a very good one who is honest and not interested in playing games. If you want his info email me.

Actually got a court date for a months time re the littlen and feeling extremely scared and exhausted. Yet all I’m asking for is the 50/50 care for my daughter we’ve always had. Worst thing is my ex got solicitors involved and then tried to change the childcare arrangements. I’ve lost people in the past as we all have in life but this is a completely different kind of grief and depression. Found it so hard. Sorry to be a downer but feel better typing this. Basically keep it as amicable as you can and use mediation rather than solicitors if you can. Someone using a child as a weapon is absolutely sick and those who do are disgusting people.

Best wishes. PM me anytime. Love your NSC posts.

 

[Sheebo]

Sorry to hear that, I hope you get what you want. Completely normal emotions. At least you know that you won’t have to spend the rest of your life with that other person.

Love your quality NSC avatar btw.

Best wishes. PM me anytime. Love your NSC posts.

Thanks both. I’m in a much better relationship now with someone 100 times better for me and have a lot of supportive friends who know and have seen the truth but the hardest thing was sharing my 7 year old for half her life - let alone the recent events of her trying to reduce my time. But I’m confident the truth will always come out and I’ll be completely free once everything is sorted. Whatever happens, my little girl is the most precious thing in my life by a mile and nobody will ever get in the way of our special father daughter relationship. Much love x

 

[Harry Wilson's tackle]

Thanks both. I’m in a much better relationship now with someone 100 times better for me and have a lot of supportive friends who know and have seen the truth but the hardest thing was sharing my 7 year old for half her life - let alone the recent events of her trying to reduce my time. But I’m confident the truth will always come out and I’ll be completely free once everything is sorted. Whatever happens, my little girl is the most precious thing in my life by a mile and nobody will ever get in the way of our special father daughter relationship. Much love x

Indeed. And my 6 year old (now 33 yar old)....All the best x

 

[Weststander]

Thanks both. I’m in a much better relationship now with someone 100 times better for me and have a lot of supportive friends who know and have seen the truth but the hardest thing was sharing my 7 year old for half her life - let alone the recent events of her trying to reduce my time. But I’m confident the truth will always come out and I’ll be completely free once everything is sorted. Whatever happens, my little girl is the most precious thing in my life by a mile and nobody will ever get in the way of our special father daughter relationship. Much love x

Not said in a patronising way - simply tell the truth in legal proceedings, and the judge will warm to that. They really are highly intelligent and can always see through a liar (not you).

It’s healthy that you’re able to communicate your feekings friends and people here. That’ll keep you sane.