Desperate on a Coach!

[leelee]

Has anyone ever been so desperate for a wee on a coach trip that they've almost disgraced themselves?

Me and my mates were recalling an incident just last night when we went to Wigan (I think it was about '96, we lost 0-1!) on a toilet-less coach and my mate sat in silence for ages despite us asking him if he was okay until eventually he got really red-faced and admitted he was dying for a pee. But not just dying - absolutely on the verge! He was too embarrassed to go and ask the driver to stop and after a short while of poking fun at him, we realised that he really wasn't going to be able to last out until we stopped at the services. He also finally accepted this and had to go and ask the driver to stop, but he'd held it for so long that he could literally only hobble to the front - attracting everyone's attention - and begged the driver to stop - like NOW!

The sight of him standing there clutching himself with crossed legs and purple-faced almost brought tears to our eyes (and not just with laughter!). The driver said he'd have to wait until he could find somewhere suitable to stop.

The reason I haven't mentioned his name is because unfortunately for him, he really had left it too late and to put it very politely, as he hobbled off the coach after our emergency stop, he was already "going to the toilet" in his pants!! - and at 19 years old, wet trousers is probably one of the most humiliating things that can happen to a lad.

His cry of "I'm doing it! I'm doing it!" is just one of those things that I'll remember until I'm 95!

Anyway, he got over it (just!) and I suspect learnt a few things from the episode, like don't leave it so late before admitting that you really aren't going to be able to hold it - and maybe dark-coloured trousers and not jeans are more suitable for long journies on loo-less coaches!

As we were having a right old chuckle about it (and several other near-misses, I have to say) last night, someone said, "I wonder if that sort thing has ever happened to anyone else?"

Well...over to you lads ... !

 

[Guinness Boy]

Yep happened to me though not following the Albion as I always went to aways by train.

I used to work for a certian financial company in Brighton and every year we'd play a cricket match against out solicitors in London, which with a free bar after was an absolute must. Since I played regularly I got in the team. We took a coach up to the game in London, got hammered and, on the way back a couple of us who were hugging the back seat got desperate for a Gypsy's. We'd just turned on to the M25 and thought there was no chance of a stop so two of us were about to unleash into empty beer bottles when we noticed one of the attractive girls in marketing staring at us. With no time to lose we rushed to the front and begged the driver to turn off at the next turning and find bushes, which thankfully he did.

To get off the coach we had to pass both my department manager and the cheif exec of the whole company. As I finally wazzed all I could think of was career up in smoke. Sure enough the chief exec sidled up to me while I was still relieving myself....and said "good call lad, we were all getting a bit desparate too". After that I never missed a free beer cricket game for 5 years

 

[timbha]

Guinness Boy - initials JT??

 

[BrightonBird]

Ever had anyone be sick next to you in a coach?

Not a happy day

Sick makes me heave. Especially when it smells like orange reef.

 

[Charlies Shinpad]

Ever had anyone be sick next to you in a coach?

Not a happy day

Sick makes me heave. Especially when it smells like orange reef.

Especially when its starts to roll up and down the aisles like the tide coming in and going out!!

 

[alan partridge]

His cry of "I'm doing it! I'm doing it!" is just one of those things that I'll remember until I'm 95!


that just made me almost piss my pants. LOL!

 

[Guinness Boy]

Guinness Boy - initials JT??

Yep, they are.

 

[desprateseagull]

never pee'd, but have barfed out o the door, on holiday in isreal-
touring round the country, a dodgy (HOT!) kebab didnt agree with me, and the driver didnt quite get the door open in time-
not a nice smell, for the next hundred miles or so!

still, better out than in.... but why does it have to come out
thru my nose?? got a round of applause when i got back on,
and cleaned up the (small) mess, with some leaves...

just remembered the name of the shop - turbo burger..
they weren't kidding!

 

[dazman]

Browsing through the archives today and stumbled across this thread - surely there's a few more comical stories on the subject?

They never fail to amuse!

 

[seagullsslimjim]

Well not a coach, but came back from a concert on the train this year and a bloke walks up to one of the doors and has a 'discreet' piss against the door.

Someone reported him and he was led off the train at the next stop.

When the guard approached him he was so half cut that he thought the guard just wanted to see his ticket and so got his season ticket out !!

 

[GoldWithFalmer]

Went to Upton park in the early 90's to watch us and a mate of mine insisted we stay on the tube,17 stops later i could hardly walk,i was bursting when we got on the tube and should have gone then-yes recall it well,most definitely the worst ever case of needing a p$ss i can ever remember.

 

[Return of the Rev]

Was going on an action w/e in dorset with amex on a mini bus,4 of us had a session in the thurlow arms before we got on the mini bus! before we got past the goldstone i was asking for a toilet stop and the bast***S didn't stop till we got to poole

 

[BHAFC_Pandapops]

oh yeah, my kidneys were hurting going by coach to romford. but then i decided not being bothered to get up was the problem XD

 

[The Wookiee]

Yep happened to me though not following the Albion as I always went to aways by train.

I used to work for a certian financial company in Brighton and every year we'd play a cricket match against out solicitors in London, which with a free bar after was an absolute must. Since I played regularly I got in the team. We took a coach up to the game in London, got hammered and, on the way back a couple of us who were hugging the back seat got desperate for a Gypsy's. We'd just turned on to the M25 and thought there was no chance of a stop so two of us were about to unleash into empty beer bottles when we noticed one of the attractive girls in marketing staring at us. With no time to lose we rushed to the front and begged the driver to turn off at the next turning and find bushes, which thankfully he did.

To get off the coach we had to pass both my department manager and the cheif exec of the whole company. As I finally wazzed all I could think of was career up in smoke. Sure enough the chief exec sidled up to me while I was still relieving myself....and said "good call lad, we were all getting a bit desparate too". After that I never missed a free beer cricket game for 5 years

Mmm was this early to mid 90's ? ?

 

[R. Slicker]

Did anybody here used to go away on the King of the road coaches in the late 70s?
A certain supporter would drain their can of beer then push the top in and piss in it and stuff newspaper in the top. (several times per journey)
On the way home, cans would be rolling up and down the coach.
Disgusting thinking about it now but nobody seemed to care then.

 

[Peever]

Browsing through the archives today and stumbled across this thread - surely there's a few more comical stories on the subject?

They never fail to amuse!

I had no idea this was a 8 year old thread until this...compelling read it was

 

[ATFC Seagull]

When at university we used to have a long old coach journey back from American football away games. Post-match drinking was standard, as was tired, miserable, unaccommodating drivers who just wanted to get back and get rid of us. So, quite often, the bottles came out.

Anyways once, someone having pissed in a Lucozade bottle, thought it would be hilarious to put it back on the shelf in a service station. Thinking about how it could end up being picked up by a kid or whatever and drunk, I had an attack of the conscience and decided that I couldn't just allow it to stay there. So I picked it up, and ummed and ahhed what to do with it, whilst quite clearly a bit worse for wear, attracting the attention of the security guard and the person on the till. Which gave me a few options. I couldn't really put it back. And I couldn't really go over and say "not that I know, but I think this bottle of Lucozade might contain urine". All the while, they are looking at me. So, you guessed it, I took it to the counter and paid about £1.50 for a bottle of my friends piss.