[Misc] dealing with depression

[wakeytom]

Constant battle for me with the stresses of kids with additional needs and a wife also with depression who has stuggled to work (she is working two days a week so things are improving.)

I am on top at the moment but I can feel things building with some stuff we are going through at the moment. I went to see my boss and asked if i could take leave to get my head above water. he was fantastic and told me to go to the docs and get a certificate for two weeks. It didn't occur to me at the time but the two weeks coincides with the World Cup (honest guv, i didn't realise .

I made some lifestyle changes a couple of years ago and along with medication I am able to keep things on an even keel. My major changes were less drinking, playing music and getting involved in a local football club, both playing and coaching. This covers exercise and doing shit to nourish my soul and escape for a while. Next step is to sort out our finances and start saving for a holiday every other year.

Good luck mate, I am in Australia so if you need someone to talk to during the the night i am usually around. PM me.

BF

P.S. on a related note, how many ****ing people are struggling with this shit at the moment. Are we going wrong somewhere as a society in the way we behave and think?

I honestly think there is a big thing to this - I know we understand things more as humans however I am sure the way we live our lives now doesnt help - 24/7 connected is great for some things but I am not so sure for mental health.

OP good luck and just take it one step at a time. Its surprising the positive response you get from most however from a few it wont be, so let that wash over you (as much as possible I know).

The one thing with mental health is that there is no bandage so it is inherently harder to understand for others as there is no wound that can be seen, that said many will understand or at least have the decency to listen

 

[BBassic]

[MENTION=1313]BadFish[/MENTION] & [MENTION=19107]wakeytom[/MENTION] re:

on a related note, how many ****ing people are struggling with this shit at the moment. Are we going wrong somewhere as a society in the way we behave and think?

I don't think this is anything new. I think our relationship to and understanding of mental health has become much more open and inclusive in recent times.

Mental health generally, and more specifically for men, was previously something to be ignored, not discussed or mocked or whatever. We're taught, either explicitly or by implication, to be tough and strong and not show weakness. The last 20-30 years has seen a huge change in this thought.

To my eyes it's not that struggles with mental health is a new thing but that we're more aware of and comfortable talking about it publicly.

 

[AmexRuislip]

I've always found in life, that if somebody does not understand something, say depression for example, then more often than not, they'll never try to understand how people deal with it.
I do think that we all have some sort of depression in life, whether it's anxiety, stress or a lack of confidence.
I have a family member who has had severe depression, for most of their life, and deals with it through medication.
It's not nice to see this person just suddenly start crying for no reason, then you ask what's wrong, they say nothing, and the question 'why' never gets fully answered.
They stay in bed, not wanting to get up, because they don't feel like it.
The more one tries to understand depression, the more difficult it is.
So I say to people on here who have depression, is well done to you for talking about it, which is fantastic.
Keep busy, exercise and talk to people

 

[Durlston]

Be careful who you tell, people are awful.

Don't be hard on yourself for staying in bed, you can't magically change it.

Try to keep your mind occupied. CBT works on deluding yourself that life isn't as bad as it seems, try to convince yourself of that if you can.

Bear in mind that pills make your nob stop working and make you fat

Your description of yourself under your username is quite apt. Why not show a bit more compassion to someone who's really struggling at the moment? Even if your experiences have been bad doesn't mean to say that another person is going to have them.

 

[Blue3]

Good that you are talking about the issues that's a great start you might be prescribed some medication that will help unraveling what's really important from the things that are often just minuscule but worm there way into the subconscious hopefully if that works you will be able to reevaluate life and make decisions about the future that will better suite I know that's how it was for me

 

[Mr Banana]

Your description of yourself under your username is quite apt. Why not show a bit more compassion to someone who's really struggling at the moment? Even if your experiences have been bad doesn't mean to say that another person is going to have them.

Sorry for any offence caused (and to anyone else cheesed off on this thread). I wouldn't expect anyone to take the words of a moron as advice. They're just my experience - no reflection of a lack of compassion.

 

[pearl]

Sorry for any offence caused (and to anyone else cheesed off on this thread). I wouldn't expect anyone to take the words of a moron as advice. They're just my experience - no reflection of a lack of compassion.

I think you were just misunderstood.

 

[Weststander]

Depression has always been very prevalent. In the 'good old days' (pre-computer screens), people internalised their pain and often took their own lives. I have great great uncles and aunts who did this via coal-gas ovens. Others tried to quell their sadness by becoming alcoholics. In the good old days, millions of kids were the victims of sexual and/or physical abuse with no one to turn to who'd possibly believe them. Causing life long depression.

These days people can far better open up, men are finally feeling able to do this, and there's a wealth of resources to turn to (not just NHS).

 

[mothy]

i would focus on doing postive things - changing your nsc name would be a start

 

[pauli cee]

this

and this

 

[Thunder Bolt]

Depression has always been very prevalent. In the 'good old days' (pre-computer screens), people internalised their pain and often took their own lives. I have great great uncles and aunts who did this via coal-gas ovens. Others tried to quell their sadness by becoming alcoholics. In the good old days, millions of kids were the victims of sexual and/or physical abuse with no one to turn to who'd possibly believe them. Causing life long depression.

These days people can far better open up, men are finally feeling able to do this, and there's a wealth of resources to turn to (not just NHS).

Those who did have nervous breakdown were locked away in mental hospitals and abandoned by their families.

 

[pauli cee]

[MENTION=1313]BadFish[/MENTION] & [MENTION=19107]wakeytom[/MENTION] re:

on a related note, how many ****ing people are struggling with this shit at the moment. Are we going wrong somewhere as a society in the way we behave and think?

I don't think this is anything new. I think our relationship to and understanding of mental health has become much more open and inclusive in recent times.

Mental health generally, and more specifically for men, was previously something to be ignored, not discussed or mocked or whatever. We're taught, either explicitly or by implication, to be tough and strong and not show weakness. The last 20-30 years has seen a huge change in this thought.

To my eyes it's not that struggles with mental health is a new thing but that we're more aware of and comfortable talking about it publicly.

I don't know, I kind of agree and disagree, (in a respectful way).

Whilst it is true that people are more aware of depression / mental illness these days, which is obviously an amazing thing, and that more people are feeling comfortable about speaking out about it and seeking help, I can't help but feel modern life doesn't really help matters.

Life seems to be a lot more goal driven these days, and a hell of a lot busier too, which can increase the triggers that lead to these issues.
Just from my own experiences in the building industry I see many people signed off with stress related illnesses because of the pressures put upon them.

Not to mention the younger generations with all the social media stuff going on and cyber bullying / building or protecting an image, an' all that, I fear it will only get worse.

( I won't go into the pressure VERY young kids go through at school these days too, for continual testing, SATS etc. Parents of >10 yrs old worried about their kids anxiety / depression issues)

I just can't help but feel modern life seems destined to drag people down.



But anyway, heads up all.
Best of wishes to the OP, well done for speaking out, I know it's cliche, but it really is the 1st step to freedom, you'll be amazed by the amount of support you'll get

p

 

[Durlston]

Sorry for any offence caused (and to anyone else cheesed off on this thread). I wouldn't expect anyone to take the words of a moron as advice. They're just my experience - no reflection of a lack of compassion.

Apologies for having a bit of a go at you. I don't think your a moron. It was just quite a sweeping generalisation that all people are awful and you need that trust from them when you're really down.

Afternoon is not my best time with anaemia. I tend to get extremely tired. No problems, Mr Banana.

 

[Left Back]

A while ago I had a time when work was really, really stressful. It grew and grew until it seemed to envelope my whole life. One Sunday evening, dreading going into work the next day I told my wife I couldn't face going in. She told me to hand in my notice, we'd get by.
The next day I marched into my bosses, boss office. I had hardly spoken to him before and I realised he had no idea what was going on with me. So I prefixed the resignation speech I had in my head with "I've been so stressed at work recently ..." And he interupted me with a genuine look of concern and the words "I so sorry, let's fix this". And he did, taking work of me and giving me a manageable work load.

So my suggestion, is speak to your boss. Then may have no idea what you are going through and want to help.

Hope you manage to get things sorted, and I send best wishes.

 

[wakeytom]

I don't know, I kind of agree and disagree, (in a respectful way).

Whilst it is true that people are more aware of depression / mental illness these days, which is obviously an amazing thing, and that more people are feeling comfortable about speaking out about it and seeking help, I can't help but feel modern life doesn't really help matters.

Life seems to be a lot more goal driven these days, and a hell of a lot busier too, which can increase the triggers that lead to these issues.
Just from my own experiences in the building industry I see many people signed off with stress related illnesses because of the pressures put upon them.

Not to mention the younger generations with all the social media stuff going on and cyber bullying / building or protecting an image, an' all that, I fear it will only get worse.

( I won't go into the pressure VERY young kids go through at school these days too, for continual testing, SATS etc. Parents of >10 yrs old worried about their kids anxiety / depression issues)

I just can't help but feel modern life seems destined to drag people down.



But anyway, heads up all.
Best of wishes to the OP, well done for speaking out, I know it's cliche, but it really is the 1st step to freedom, you'll be amazed by the amount of support you'll get

p

I think that was the point I was trying to make - I am sure it has always been there however I am not sure how much how we live now helps.

I hope I did not cause offense as this is a subject close to my heart

 

[BBassic]

I don't know, I kind of agree and disagree, (in a respectful way).

Whilst it is true that people are more aware of depression / mental illness these days, which is obviously an amazing thing, and that more people are feeling comfortable about speaking out about it and seeking help, I can't help but feel modern life doesn't really help matters.

Life seems to be a lot more goal driven these days, and a hell of a lot busier too, which can increase the triggers that lead to these issues.
Just from my own experiences in the building industry I see many people signed off with stress related illnesses because of the pressures put upon them.

Not to mention the younger generations with all the social media stuff going on and cyber bullying / building or protecting an image, an' all that, I fear it will only get worse.

( I won't go into the pressure VERY young kids go through at school these days too, for continual testing, SATS etc. Parents of >10 yrs old worried about their kids anxiety / depression issues)

I just can't help but feel modern life seems destined to drag people down.



But anyway, heads up all.
Best of wishes to the OP, well done for speaking out, I know it's cliche, but it really is the 1st step to freedom, you'll be amazed by the amount of support you'll get

p

Yeah very good points. Hadn't really thought about it that way.

 

[Herr Tubthumper]

[MENTION=1313]Mental health generally, and more specifically for men, was previously something to be ignored, not discussed or mocked or whatever..

I kind of get where you’re coming from but it has been ignored for women as well, there was an entire female generation who were addressed/dismissed with Valium.

 

[Durlston]

Anyone else getting a bit concerned that desprateseagull hasn't been on NSC since his opening post on this thread on Thursday night?

Please log in mate. Your PM box might be pretty full. And also hope you're feeling a lot better.

 

[Mr Banana]

Apologies for having a bit of a go at you. I don't think your a moron. It was just quite a sweeping generalisation that all people are awful and you need that trust from them when you're really down.

Afternoon is not my best time with anaemia. I tend to get extremely tired. No problems, Mr Banana.

You too sir, totally understand

 

[Harry Wilson's tackle]

If they're your bosses they haven't got a choice. It's the rules, legally.

Talking to people tends to elicit a lot of virtue signalling. Give it a few months and you'll never hear from anyone.

Having read the post above, I presume the posts in between that I have not yet read have lanced this particular boil. So my post is edited. I really wasn't impressed, first read, though.

The world has changed. These days you aren't told to take a couple of asprin and pull yourself together.

However there is still a fear of showing 'weakness'. I'm quite chatty with my work colleagues, and endless chatter stopped me going under during the divorce and custody battle nearly 30 years ago. But there is a limit to what I feel comfortable sharing with people who might influence my work space. That is probably irrational, though.

Another point, the way we are brought up can be massively important. My parents were really not up to speed, and my relationship with the old man was poison. A kid aged 12-15 really shouldn't be hyperventilating with anger at night, with knife under his pillow, and ready to use it. Things like that are hard to assimilate. I just hope the kids I have brought up were treated better by me (pretty sure this is the case, fortunately). Blood's starting to boil now so I'd better go to another thread for a bit...