[Humour] Dad jokes or puns

[pwlr1966]

It used to be a newspaper.

I thought it was an embarrassed Nun or a sunburnt Penguin

 

[banjo]

What do you call a bear with no ears?
Anything you like it can’t hear you.

 

[Bodian]

What do you call a bear with no ears?
Anything you like it can’t hear you.

What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No idea.

What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
Still no idea.

 

[banjo]

What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No idea.

What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
Still no idea.

Classics

 

[Cotton Socks]

Why did the hedgehog cross the road?
To see his flat mate.

 

[DavidinSouthampton]

Where’s the “both” alternative?

 

[FamilyGuy]

Classics

What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs and no dick?

Still no feckin idea!

 

[DavidinSouthampton]

This is the most entertaining thread I’ve read through for a long time! Some oldies but goodies and some (not many) I’ve never heard or read before!

 

[maltaseagull]

What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No idea.

What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
Still no idea.

There is one more line...
.

 

[Herr Tubthumper]

What do you call a bear with no ears?
Anything you like it can’t hear you.

My dog has no nose.
How does he smell?
Bloody awful.

 

[Bodian]

There is one more line...
.

Yes - but @FamilyGuy has added it for us!

 

[Herr Tubthumper]

Why did the hedgehog cross the road?
To see his flat mate.

Why did the vegan cross cross the road?
To tell someone they are vegan.

 

[Mr Bridger]

A bloke goes into a cafe near the Arctic Circle and asks the waiter what's on the menu.
The waiter says: "We have whale meat, whale meat and whale meat. And today's special is the Vera Lynn."
"What's that?" asks the bloke.
"Whale meat again," says the waiter.

 

[Bakero]

My new farmyard census business has started really well but I don't want to count my chickens.

 

[Stato]

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side.

Why did the punk cross the road? It was stapled to the chicken.

Why did the pervert cross the road? He had his nob in the punk.

I saw Rik Mayall at the Dome back in the early eighties and his first couple of jokes were:

"Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? - Because it was dead"
"Why did the parrot fall out the tree? - Because it was stapled to the monkey."

Still miss him.

 

[Biscuit Barrel]

A friend of mine swallowed a padlock. He had to have key hole surgery.

 

[Herr Tubthumper]

I saw Rik Mayall at the Dome back in the early eighties and his first couple of jokes were:

"Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? - Because it was dead"
"Why did the parrot fall out the tree? - Because it was stapled to the monkey."

Still miss him.

I went to this. Ben Elton was on the bill as well.

 

[London Pompous]

Q: What do you call a man from Athens with a tampon on his head?

A: Abzorba the Greek

 

[Guinness Boy]

Q: What do you call a man from Athens with a tampon on his head?

A: Abzorba the Greek

What do you call a man with no arms and legs in a swimming pool? Bob.

What do you call five rockabillies with no arms and legs partying in a swimming pool with a woman?

Bob, Bob, Bob - Bob, Bob and Anna.

 

[jessiejames]

Venison’s dear, isn’t it?