[Humour] Dad jokes or puns

[Mileoakman]

Penguin walks into a bar and asks the barman if he's seen his brother.
The barman says "dunno, what's he look like"

 

[Mr Bridger]

What’s start with N and ends with N and has got something to do with having a sh!t?




NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

 

[el punal]

She was only the petrol pump attendant’s daughter but she loved the smell of Benzol.

 

[Guinness Boy]

why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the idiots house. Knock knock, who is there? The chicken

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side.

Why did the punk cross the road? It was stapled to the chicken.

Why did the pervert cross the road? He had his nob in the punk.

 

[Guinness Boy]

I recently became the owner of a greyhound. I was asked ‘do you race it?’. I had to reply that I used to but I gave up as it kept beating me.

 

[pasty]

What’s pink and wrinkly and hangs out grandads pyjamas?

Grandma

 

[Eric the meek]

Brighton and Hove City Council have announced they are banning urination and defecation in public. They've assured residents, they will make it their number one and number two priorities.

 

[jessiejames]

• I wrote a song about burritos. It's a rap.

 

[Herr Tubthumper]

Penguin walks into a bar and asks the barman if he's seen his brother.
The barman says "dunno, what's he look like"

Bono and The Edge walk into a bar. The barman says “Not U2 again”.

 

[The Clamp]

A man is buying a Christmas tree.

The cashier says;

“That’s a lovely one, are you going to put it up yourself”?

Man;

“Don’t be disgusting! It’s going in the living room”

 

[The Clamp]

My penis was in the Guinness book of world records.

The librarian was furious.

 

[The Clamp]

We just found out grandad is addicted to Viagra. Nobody is taking it harder than grandma.

 

[Eric the meek]

A woman has two dachshunds, a male and a female. They're always shagging.
One day she's had enough and takes them to the vet.
She asks him is there anything he can do.
He replies 'that's easy - keep the female upstairs and the male downstairs'.
Nonplussed, she asks him 'what good will that do?'
He replies 'Have you ever seen a dachshund get up the stairs with a hard-on?'

 

[CurbishleyRange]

There are a lot of jokes about white sugar but jokes about brown sugar ? Demerara

 

[indy3050]

Why did the baker have brown fingers?

He kneaded a poo.

 

[LANGDON SEAGULL]

I will always remember the last words my Grandad said to me
‘Will you stop bloody wobbling the ladder’

 

[Herr Tubthumper]

I bought my friend an elephant for his room. He wanted to thank me, but I said don’t mention it.

 

[Mr Bridger]

Whoever stole my copy of microsoft office , i will find you and kill you ............you have my word !

 

[Scappa]

When I die, I want to go peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather. Not screaming in terror like his passengers

 

[Mr Bridger]

Talking of grandfathers, mine used to say, "As one door closes, another one opens"
Lovely man, terrible cabinet maker