Crap Joke Thread

[Rusco]

This bloke goes to the zoo, but there is only a dog on show. It was a Shitzu

I'll get my coat

 

[Soul Finger]

I love you Rusco

I found a huge lump of plasticine in the road on the way to work this morning.

I didn't know what to make of it...

 

[Barrel of Fun]

Why did the chickens cross the road?

Because the Russians were bombing their houses.....


.....erm....ah Why did the Chechens cross the road?

 

[Rusco]

I love you Rusco


Why thank you

 

[Barnet Seagull]

I once went to a fancy dress party dressed up as copper sulphate.

Some sprayed water all over me.

I didn't know how to react.

 

[magoo]

anybody got any french rioting jokes yet?

 

[surrey jim]

What do you call a blonde doing a handstand?

a brunette with bad breath

*coat

 

[Biscuit]

anybody got any french rioting jokes yet?

No but I've got one about the French military. Will that do?

 

[Kinky Gerbil]

Mark Mchee - well he is crap and a joke

 

[Silent Bob]

I went to my local stables the other day to apply for a job.
The manager asked if I've ever shoed a horse, I said; "Nah, but I've told a donkey to f*** off."

 

[Scarface]

Two prostitutes standing on a street corner. One says to the other:

'Have you ever been picked up by the fuzz?'

The other replies:

'No, but I've been swung around by my tits a few times!'

 

[Berk (of 'Trapdoor' fame)]

Why do Essex girls wear knickers?

Too keep their ankles warm

 

[Curious Orange]

What's orange and sounds like a Parrot?
.
.
.
.
.
.
A Carrot!!

 

[Barrel of Fun]

In Southend, a girl is watching her mum od the washing up. The mother pats her on the head with a loving look.

"Gosh mummy you have very soft hands. Is that because you use Fairy?"

"No" said mummy "Its cos i am 12"

 

[Seasider]

What is the difference between frenchmen and toast

You can make soldiers out of toast

 

[Croydonbloke]

I guy once asked me if I could pull a rabbit out of a hat. I said `no but I can pull a Hair(Hare) out of my arse` Boom Boom. Did you here that one on Parkinson.

 

[Lokki 7]

French weather map

 

[Lokki 7]

Handy French phrases if you are travelling abroad....(& Weather
Forecast)
* Je viens de londres. - I am from London
* Merci de me depanner - Thanks for your help
* Ou est la gare? - Where is the station?
* Qu'est-ce qui se passe? - What is happening?
* Ou sont les pompiers? - Where are the firemen?
* Avez-vous un extincteur? - Do you have a fire extinguisher?
* A quelle heure est le couvre-feu? - What time is the curfew?
* Pourquoi brulez vous ma voiture? - Why are you burning my car?
* Avez-vous du feu pour allumer mon cocktail molotov? - Do you
have a light for my petrol bomb?
* Les gentils Parisiens ne meritent pas ca. - The nice people
of Paris dont deserve all this.

 

[mejonaNO12 aka riskit]

two grave robbers were digging up beithoven(sp?)
while they shoveled away the last piece of dirt, much to there suprise, they saw he was still alive!

beithoven just looked up smiled and then proceeded in rubbing out his music sheets that were with him

one baffled grave robber turned to the other and gave him a puzzled look. to which the other robber put his arm around him and said 'dont worry mate, hes just decomposing'

 

[We're the Stripes]

I once went to a fancy dress party dressed up as copper sulphate.

Some sprayed water all over me.

I didn't know how to react.

We're only 4 posts in, and already we're quoting from Tim Vine DVDs.