Bevendean Hillbilly
New member
"[edit] Sport
Croydon is home to Crystal Palace F.C, though the club insists it's part of London no one in London has ever heard of it. The soccer team, Crystal Palace FC, is probably most famous for rearing Ashley Cole to be the bright pansy he is nowadays and celebrity twat Ian Wright. In its 1990s heyday the club hit the headlines because Manchester Uniteds celebrated gobshite Eric Cantona achieved national hero status there after beating a fan senseless. Crystal Palace currently rejoice in their 5th title in as many years in the "Most Ludicrous Strip" competition a title they wrested from Lagos Vampires in 2004. The brightly coloured Clown outfit designed by Simon Jordan and based on the burlesque Harlequin has caused hilarity among opposing fans ever since.
Structure
Crystal Palace chairman Simon Jordan epitomises Croydon, and is somewhat of a local treasure idolised by the subnormal retards that follow Palace who famously share his love for bleached hair, bling, closetness, orange skin, greasy attire and arrogant tosser attitude. It was confirmed in 2009 Jordan is to continue with his highly rated ladies perfume range and move to self tanners.
Financial structure
Jordans business empire, built on his market stall "Simons knick knacks", selling fake "Channel" sunglasses, and "Bolex" wristwatches ceased trading in August 2009 and this is expected to cause CPFC to slide into frinancial difficulties. Supporters have begun a "save the Eagles" fund and their activists are currently touring the country in a fleet of old ambulances and brightly coloured derelict buses parking on public parks, golf courses and cricket piches to raise awareness of Palaces difficulties nationally.
Their campaigners can also be seen in local high streets up and down the land selling lucky heather and pegs or occaisionally copies of the big issue. These plucky fundraisers can be identified by the strong smell of stale piss Asda super strength white cider and deep fried condemned chicken which is the distinctive smell of Croydon.
Previous successful campaigns included lying in a soiled sleeping bag next to cashpoints asking for change for a cup of tea and selling dime bags of crystal meth. All these campaigns,overseen by Jordan,have contributed to a fighting fund of £23.45.
Points of interest
Crystal Palace also famously managed to misspell their own name on their club crest in the 2005-06 season. They are therefore widely now known as "Chrystal Palace" in honour of this towering incompetence.
Palace have never won a major trophy
Croydon is home to Crystal Palace F.C, though the club insists it's part of London no one in London has ever heard of it. The soccer team, Crystal Palace FC, is probably most famous for rearing Ashley Cole to be the bright pansy he is nowadays and celebrity twat Ian Wright. In its 1990s heyday the club hit the headlines because Manchester Uniteds celebrated gobshite Eric Cantona achieved national hero status there after beating a fan senseless. Crystal Palace currently rejoice in their 5th title in as many years in the "Most Ludicrous Strip" competition a title they wrested from Lagos Vampires in 2004. The brightly coloured Clown outfit designed by Simon Jordan and based on the burlesque Harlequin has caused hilarity among opposing fans ever since.
Structure
Crystal Palace chairman Simon Jordan epitomises Croydon, and is somewhat of a local treasure idolised by the subnormal retards that follow Palace who famously share his love for bleached hair, bling, closetness, orange skin, greasy attire and arrogant tosser attitude. It was confirmed in 2009 Jordan is to continue with his highly rated ladies perfume range and move to self tanners.
Financial structure
Jordans business empire, built on his market stall "Simons knick knacks", selling fake "Channel" sunglasses, and "Bolex" wristwatches ceased trading in August 2009 and this is expected to cause CPFC to slide into frinancial difficulties. Supporters have begun a "save the Eagles" fund and their activists are currently touring the country in a fleet of old ambulances and brightly coloured derelict buses parking on public parks, golf courses and cricket piches to raise awareness of Palaces difficulties nationally.
Their campaigners can also be seen in local high streets up and down the land selling lucky heather and pegs or occaisionally copies of the big issue. These plucky fundraisers can be identified by the strong smell of stale piss Asda super strength white cider and deep fried condemned chicken which is the distinctive smell of Croydon.
Previous successful campaigns included lying in a soiled sleeping bag next to cashpoints asking for change for a cup of tea and selling dime bags of crystal meth. All these campaigns,overseen by Jordan,have contributed to a fighting fund of £23.45.
Points of interest
Crystal Palace also famously managed to misspell their own name on their club crest in the 2005-06 season. They are therefore widely now known as "Chrystal Palace" in honour of this towering incompetence.
Palace have never won a major trophy
) an item then??