[Drinking] Corkscrew

[Chicken Run]

I'm going for - you committed the SCHOOLBOY error, of getting caught GAWPING at one too many, inappropriately (under)dressed Geordie LASSES.

Yep that normally does the trick or perhaps suggesting early on the evening that whatever they do he wants to go back to the hotel in good time for MOTD!!

 

[BN9 BHA]

Very funny story

 

[LamieRobertson]

I hope you and Mrs Easy have made up.

This is the bit I wanted to know about

 

[Gritt23]

https://youtu.be/0A5uFFvjGr8

Oh my wordy word. Every day's a school day. I've seen it, but still don't quite believe it. Must try that when I get home.

 

[happypig]

Wouldn't happen in Switzerland.

It would, because in 1982 I borrowed a bottle opener from a hotel barman and forgot to give it back.

 

[Gritt23]

Anyway, we had an absolutely maHOOsive blazing row over something or other (I honestly don't know why - I'm amazing). Anyway, she's got the major hump, no point having a meal out after that so we get a cab back to the hotel.

Due to the timing of the row, my guess is that it started over where you would eat. You can be a fussy bugger over that at times mate, maybe you were delaying the meal choice in favour of a few more victory ales first, and combine that with a tired Mrs Easy, who may be starting to get hangry, and you're playing with matches in the hay barn. The row could then have literally gone in any direction, with any old past issue being aired. I wouldn't mind betting the toilet seat being left up would get a mention at that point. You've just walked into randomised row generator at that point.

We've ALL been there.

 

[Tom Hark Preston Park]

Slightly endulgent "cool-story-bro" I know, but...well, here we are

Drove up north and found myself in Newcastle with the missus. 3Had a mince around the city centre, had a few beers, went to the game. Absolutely BOUNCING after the result, went back into town, few more beers here there and everywhere, intending to go for a nice meal somewhere afterwards. Anyway, we had an absolutely maHOOsive blazing row over something or other (I honestly don't know why - I'm amazing). Anyway, she's got the major hump, no point having a meal out after tnat so we get a cab back to the hotel.

So I've brought this really nice red wine up with me in the car. But I've forgotten, its a bloody corkscrew job, and my corkscrew is in a drawer in Brighton. So I'm wanting to have this red in front of MOTD, but I've got an issue. So I walk down to reception and say "can I borrow a corkscrew ?". Not got one. Sake. But there's this little pub about 5 minutes walk away, so I think "I'll gan doon there". I take my bottle of red wine, rock up at the bar, put it down and say "2 things. Can I have a pint of Amstel, and can you open this for me ?". I get my pint, but the guy comes back and sheepishly says "we have ne'y got a bottle opener mon".

Its a pub.

"You haven't got a corkscrew ?"

Nah

FFS

I drink my pint. Alan Shearer is on in 20 minutes. I WANT my red wine in front of MOTD. Bollocks, I think. I'm going to knock on someones door. So I leave the pub, walk up the road with my bottle of red, looking for a house that has lights on downstairs. I find one, open the gate, and softly knock on the door. I knock again. The curtain moves, and some old fella peers out the window. I hold up my bottle and say "sorry to disturb you mate...but could you just open this ?". He shuffles off, opens the window a CRACK, a tiny crack, and passes a corkscrew through. I stand in his garden, with my bottle between my legs, drawing out the cork. "I'm David, I drove up from Brighton today". "Oh aye...I'm Harry".

I popped my cork, slid the screw back through the window to old Harry, doffed an imaginary cap (felt weird), and ambled back to the hotel. I think I managed about half a glass, half a bag of Skittles, and fell asleep before the third game highlights. Certainly didn't see the table.

Good times.

On the strength of your 'Harry' episode [MENTION=70]Easy 10[/MENTION], I would like to extend an invitation for you to join our wine club. We meet in Preston Park every morning at 9am

 

[B52]

You still haven't told us what started the 'row' and weather you have made up yet, must have been a quiet journey home I suspect!

 

[pearl]

Slightly endulgent "cool-story-bro" I know, but...well, here we are

Drove up north and found myself in Newcastle with the missus. Had a mince around the city centre, had a few beers, went to the game. Absolutely BOUNCING after the result, went back into town, few more beers here there and everywhere, intending to go for a nice meal somewhere afterwards. Anyway, we had an absolutely maHOOsive blazing row over something or other (I honestly don't know why - I'm amazing). Anyway, she's got the major hump, no point having a meal out after tnat so we get a cab back to the hotel.

So I've brought this really nice red wine up with me in the car. But I've forgotten, its a bloody corkscrew job, and my corkscrew is in a drawer in Brighton. So I'm wanting to have this red in front of MOTD, but I've got an issue. So I walk down to reception and say "can I borrow a corkscrew ?". Not got one. Sake. But there's this little pub about 5 minutes walk away, so I think "I'll gan doon there". I take my bottle of red wine, rock up at the bar, put it down and say "2 things. Can I have a pint of Amstel, and can you open this for me ?". I get my pint, but the guy comes back and sheepishly says "we have ne'y got a bottle opener mon".

Its a pub.

"You haven't got a corkscrew ?"

Nah

FFS

I drink my pint. Alan Shearer is on in 20 minutes. I WANT my red wine in front of MOTD. Bollocks, I think. I'm going to knock on someones door. So I leave the pub, walk up the road with my bottle of red, looking for a house that has lights on downstairs. I find one, open the gate, and softly knock on the door. I knock again. The curtain moves, and some old fella peers out the window. I hold up my bottle and say "sorry to disturb you mate...but could you just open this ?". He shuffles off, opens the window a CRACK, a tiny crack, and passes a corkscrew through. I stand in his garden, with my bottle between my legs, drawing out the cork. "I'm David, I drove up from Brighton today". "Oh aye...I'm Harry".

I popped my cork, slid the screw back through the window to old Harry, doffed an imaginary cap (felt weird), and ambled back to the hotel. I think I managed about half a glass, half a bag of Skittles, and fell asleep before the third game highlights. Certainly didn't see the table.

Good times.

Fab story, but would have been better if you shared the wine with Harry and woke up together next day

Oh and push the cork in the bottle, pass a loop of cotton down neck of bottle, pull cork out

 

[Arthritic Toe]

...
Oh and push the cork in the bottle, pass a loop of cotton down neck of bottle, pull cork out

Ooo hang on ... I've done the pushing in bit many-a-time, but what's this about the loop of cotton? Am I missing a trick here? Doesn't it just break?

 

[pearl]

Ooo hang on ... I've done the pushing in bit many-a-time, but what's this about the loop of cotton? Am I missing a trick here? Doesn't it just break?

Not that I recall, but since the invention of screw tops I haven't had much practise .... will have to give it a go again now.

Actually corks tend to be plastic these days so it may not work

 

[Henfield One]

On a works night out last week, we booked a table at Tiger Bay - a bar/restaurant in Croydon (I know, don't ask...). Having ordered a bottle of red wine, 20 minutes later we see the waiter going outside with said bottle asking nearby bars for a corkscrew. 30 minutes later (I kid you not) he re-appears. Awful evening compounded by a £65 parking ticket for parking on a single yellow line at 8pm. What an utter dump Croydon is.

 

[Stato]

When I was a student a few of us went to stay at a mate's parent's house in Kent and had the bottle of wine, no corkscrew problem. We went for the option of cracking the neck off in a door jamb and sieving what was left through a tea towel into a gravy jug to remove the broken glass.

Given that we were already drunk enough to consider this as an engineering improvisation worthy of dazzling Professor Heinz Wolf, we probably didn't need the wine.

 

[dazzer6666]

Wouldn't happen in Switzerland.

No. Swiss wine is SHIT

 

[spongy]

I've screwed a wood screw into a cork before and then used pliers to pull the cork out using the screw.

Probably easier in Newcastle to find a corkscrew than a screw, screwdriver and pliers though.

Tried that shoe thing before the pliers thing. Smashed the first bottle.

 

[Captain Sensible]

No. Swiss wine is SHIT

Joking aside, it actually isn’t shit.

 

[Albion my Albion]

I thought this thread might be about a way to have sex with a new contraceptive device.

I was wrong.

 

[dazzer6666]

Joking aside, it actually isn’t shit.

....not as good as the locals like to pretend though......

 

[Tokyohands]

My Sister gave me a superb bottle opener (corkscrew remover) called Zig-Zag. Stainless steel, it is a 1950s trellis type design and is beyond doubt the easiest corkscrew removal device I have ever used. Pity is of course you can't travel on aeroplanes with these things as they are deemed to be WoMD.

Glad you sorted out the bottle issue and I presume have made up with the Mrs?

TNBA

TTF

I have a corkscrew/bottle opener/pen knife combo thing on my keys and have never yet been stopped passing through airport security with it and i've passed through a lot of countries. Just as well i'm a good guy eh.