"There’s only one f***ing substance on this earth more colourless and full of f***ing nothing than Ghost Stories and that’s f***ing Gwyneth Paltrow’s urine!"
"I would rather chew off my f***ing scrotum than ever listen again to this boneless f***ing melange of morose f***ing piss-shit! I would rather eat an entire f***ing yurt, washed down with f***ing beige paint recently shat out of an incontinent yak’s anus!"
I can't find it at the moment but there was a review of Noel Gallagher's debut album that was such a piss-taking, scathing review that I was surprised he didn't sue for defamation. It was in the same sort of ball-park as this review.
Re. the Coldplay review, yes - it's someone playing the very easy game of knocking Coldplay. They are what they are and a lot of music snobs hate them for it. I actually didn't mind the album compared to some of their more recent MOR stuff but I'm never going to be a Coldplay fan.
Very childish. The good news is people need not pay much attention to reviews anymore like they did in the days reviews were printed in magazines and people scratched around looking for anything written about an album they were looking forward to being released. Now one simply has to log on to the internet and listen to it before purchasing. I am not a fan of Coldplay but I am even less enamoured with critics who create nothing yet feel they are qualified to comment on someone else's output. Failed musicians who still want to have a part in the industry. Henry Rollins described critics as "ants at the picnic" and I couldn't agree more.
It's not a 'review' though, is it? Just a load of expletive-filled 'Look at me, I'm so cool, I hate Coldplay' drivel that could have been written (using the word loosely) any time in the last 15 years.
I think the best review I ever read was many years ago when that novelty song was released by the comedian I forget the name of (he's still around, Tony Hawk or something), anyway the song was called "Stutter Rap". The review read as follows: