[Help] Caught masterbating by the missus

[Randy McNob]

so, erm, a friend of mine was caught doing you know what

Wondered if anyone else were ever in that predicament? He didn't have good reasons when confronted, because of the panic trying to hide everything so obvious was lying.

Any good advice on how how to patch things up as she's quite upset?

 

[carlzeiss]

My missus likes to watch so no problem here

 

[Bry Nylon]

Appropriate user name.

If it was your friend’s user name, obvs.

 

[Husty]

She's not your mum, what's the harm? She most likely does the same?

 

[Gabbafella]

"A friend", of course.

 

[Hugo Rune]

He’s got step up and treat her as much as he can now. Perhaps toss her up a dinner, jerk chicken maybe?

 

[Bakero]

Obviously it's a bit embarrassing but your "friend's" missus should understand it's a perfectly normal thing to do. Presumably, we're not talking about teenagers.

 

[Guinness Boy]

"Hi Boz. Yeah it's me. Have we still got space in NSC Gold? And is the wanker emoji still working? Oh, no reason. You'll see.........."

 

[Bry Nylon]

Women get upset by the slightest thing, tbh. During the first lockdown my missus suggested I pass the time by making a bird table.

Not sure what pissed her off more; the fact that she was 7th or that her sister was 2nd

 

[maltaseagull]

 

[A1X]

Just don’t shout her sister’s / mother’s name at the crucial moment

 

[hart's shirt]

It's good that you're trying to lend a hand.

 

[Alonso Moseley]

Was it Billy Connolly who said if you get caught ******* it is imperative that the first thing you do is shout ‘thank God you are here’

 

[Guinness Boy]

Was it Billy Connolly who said if you get caught ******* it is imperative that the first thing you do is shout ‘thank God you are here’

Indeed it was. I suspect the moment has passed though.

In totally unrelated news I think [MENTION=31]El Presidente[/MENTION] probably needs to do a stocktake.

 

[Iggle Piggle]

Get a lock for the toilet door and make sure Bluetooth is off so porn isnt blasted out inadvertently over Alexa would be my advice.

 

[Paulie Gualtieri]

Tell her it was work, that the most believable excuse.

 

[Iggle Piggle]

As for the Mrs, I'd tell her you were cracking one out over her and definitely not her much fitter, younger sister.

That should sort it. If not, grab a bunch of flowers from the BP garage.

 

[Knocky's Nose]

This is a 100% true story, and I sincerely hope nobody knows this guy...

My "first love" regaled me this tale... (she was 24, I was 19 - and we ended up together for 5 years) and was married before I met her. Her husband at the time was deaf, with hearing aids in both ears (the big 1990's pink chunky ones).

She was going out that night (to the 'Roxy' on Eastbourne Pier) and ordered a Taxi from their home into town. The taxi duly arrived, the doorbell dinged, she got into the cab, and off she went. Her ex, when alone, used to take his hearing aids out as they were pretty uncomfortable back then due to the size and weight. It must have been quite a relief to be fair...

She got a half way into the journey and she realised she'd left her purse at home, so asked the cabbie to do a u-turn and pop back to the house - which he duly did.

She jumped out of the cab, unlocked the front door, shouted his name and that she'd forgotten her purse and had come back for it. Nothing. Silence.

So, she looked into the lounge - only to find him with both hearing aids out, mucky video playing on the VHS, thrashing one out like man possessed, legs in the air, tissues flying, sweat beads all over the walls - you name it...

She slowly and carefully closed the door, left the house, got back into the cab, and carried on with her evening.

He still doesn't know to this day...

Fair play to her, I say.

*For the record he was actually quite a nice bloke and didn't fit the narrative of his actions.

 

[Thompson720]

Tell her it wasn't a woman, just say it was Tariq Lamptey highlights

 

[Chicken Run]

so, erm, a friend of mine was caught doing you know what

Wondered if anyone else were ever in that predicament? He didn't have good reasons when confronted, because of the panic trying to hide everything so obvious was lying.

Any good advice on how how to patch things up as she's quite upset?

I always knew you were a wanker… didn’t expect you to admit though so fair play, oh and my advice is tell her to do one, with the amount of time you’re on here it’s nailed on she is masturbating as well [emoji23][emoji23]


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