[Misc] Caroline Flack

[Uncle Spielberg]

People just need to be kinder, not judge and not assume they are in the same mindset they abuse

 

[Thunder Bolt]

I have had periods of thinking not worth carrying on. It is a desperate pit to be in. I just try and live a week at a time now. Baby steps. Just try and live, improve and hope it gets better.That reallly is all you can do

Sometimes it’s just one day at a time. I had a very low time in my life 20 odd years ago, when I wondered if I could get through the day. Thankfully I had a very good friend I could ring & talk things through without being considered a pain in the neck.
I got through that period of time with that friend & by seeing a doctor. Life still has its ups & downs, but I’ve not been as down as that since.

I agree with you about being kind. Everyone is battling something.

 

[Poojah]

Wow, just wow. I don't even know what to say. This is one of the best explanations I have ever read about what makes someone take the ultimate step.

Poojah I hope u r in a better place now and wish u all the best in your life. I was surprised when for the second week the fa did metal health but I am now thinking maybe it should be every week with the stresses and strains of modern life.

love to all xx

I’m in a much better place right now thanks mate, experience has taught me that life can be incredibly transient and it’s remarkable how quickly you can go from elation to despair and vice versa. I try my best to treat those two imposters just the same.

 

[portlock seagull]

I’ve helped family in that state. Giving someone a daily happy distraction, something to look forward to after school or work, can be part of the solution.

Funnily enough, with you posting, watching a good movie can be amazing.

I keep thinking about setting up a blokes cinema (not that kind!), to watch some of those 60s and 70s classics with a little bit of insight pre showing into how film was made etc, and of course a half time interval for beer...or Kia Ora, Crusader nuts or even order a curry from the Taj, no33 the high street next to Hobgoblin music Once a month, just an excuse to wax lyrical about spitfires and action man really! And there’d be smoking allowed if you sat on the left of the aisle too

 

[papajaff]

[MENTION=17745]Poojah[/MENTION], thanks for sharing that, it took some balls to post that and I felt very sad reading it.

I really hope you are in a great place these days. Big love to you.

 

[piersa]

looked like a bit of a slapper to me
regards
DF

That's just plainly mean. Have a word with yourself.

 

[Triggaaar]

I'm going to share something that I haven't shared with another soul before, and even then something that I'm only comfortable in sharing behind the anonymity of a internet pseudonym, because I'm so ashamed of it. Ashamed because of what it would have done to my beautiful children who I love to bits, had I gone through with my darkest of thoughts and done what Caroline Flack did yesterday.

Like you say, it would have been totally awful for your children, but don't feel ashamed, life can be unbearably difficult for people sometimes. I'm trying to think what could be done to help you if you ever find yourself in that position again, and my first thought is of you sharing this with people close to you who are better able to help in times of need.

The sad thing is this. Whenever someone dies by suicide, there is invariably a public outpouring of grief - touching tributes to the beautiful, wonderful person that they were. But those tributes are too late, if all those people had been open about saying those things whilst the person were living, it may have given them a reason to choose life. As a society, and I include myself in this, we're so bad at this. It's somehow slightly weird to say nice things to people, to compliment your mates or your colleagues, but so normal to criticise.

Although I recognise what you're saying (the outpouring of grief and the compliments), I find that things like facebook are full of complements about how beautiful everyone is, and no doubt Caroline will have received more than her fair share. But when in the position you described (being cornered by your problems, with nowhere to go) it's easy to forget the compliments and dwell on all the negative things people have said. I think the best way forward is for us to become better at talking to others when we've got problems, and equally better at listening to those who do turn to us.

 

[Triggaaar]

I have had periods of thinking not worth carrying on. It is a desperate pit to be in. I just try and live a week at a time now. Baby steps. Just try and live, improve and hope it gets better.That reallly is all you can do

I'm sorry to read this. Are there people close to you who are helping?

 

[dazzer6666]

It's interesting that people seem to be laying the blame firmly at the door of social media and the media in general; could it not be more simple than that? She stood to lose everything had she been convicted at her trial; her career, and with it her fame, her money, her lifestyle. I note that her home was up for sale at the time of her death. That's a pretty difficult prospect to wrap your head around for anyone.

I'm going to share something that I haven't shared with another soul before, and even then something that I'm only comfortable in sharing behind the anonymity of a internet pseudonym, because I'm so ashamed of it. Ashamed because of what it would have done to my beautiful children who I love to bits, had I gone through with my darkest of thoughts and done what Caroline Flack did yesterday.

How close did I come? I'm not sure I even know the answer, but close enough to have begun sourcing the things I would need in order to meet my maker. As it happens, it was the thought, this vivid image in my mind, of my kids gleefully handing me a parcel (as they often would whenever I'd ordered something as innocent as a book) and becoming unknowingly complicit in their own father's death, that snapped me out of the place I was in.

I'd describe the experience as being like continually running from a problem and then reaching a cliff edge. There's nowhere else to run - you either stop where you are, accept the reality of your problem, and all of the pain which comes with it, or you put an end to the problem, the pain and everything else and take the cliff edge. I think people who've never been in that state of mind will find it hard to comprehend how anyone could ever take that 'option', but the reality is if you believe that you cannot withstand the pain, you don't have any options - there is only one thing you can do.

I never set an expiry date as such, but I just wanted to make sure that if things ever got too much, that I had everything ready to go. It felt, at the time, like that day was on the horizon, like the walls were closing in. It's an all consuming, suffocating experience.

The sick mind plays horrible tricks, too. It makes you feel as though not only will you be putting an end to your own pain, but also making everyone elses life better in the process. You become deaf to the nice things people say and do to you, whilst all of the hurtful things become amplified or misconstrued. I often see people refer to suicide as a selfish act, and I understand that, but having been at that cliff edge myself and managed to just about drag myself away I disagree. You see it as doing a positive thing for your family, your loved ones, even though from the vantage point of a better place that is so obviously and stunningly untrue.

The sad thing is this. Whenever someone dies by suicide, there is invariably a public outpouring of grief - touching tributes to the beautiful, wonderful person that they were. But those tributes are too late, if all those people had been open about saying those things whilst the person were living, it may have given them a reason to choose life. As a society, and I include myself in this, we're so bad at this. It's somehow slightly weird to say nice things to people, to compliment your mates or your colleagues, but so normal to criticise.

Like many on here, I didn't know much about Caroline Flack the person, other than through my wife's obsession with Love Island. I'm going to work on the assumption that she probably was a generally good person, perhaps a troubled one, who made a mistake. She probably didn't deserve to lose everything, and ultimately her life, over a moment's error, albeit a serious one. But life can be a brutal, unforgiving place and sometimes that can be too much for some.

RIP.

Thanks for posting - must have been so difficult for you. My mother in law took her own life about 5 years ago, just before Christmas. We simply didn't see it coming at all (it was my father in law that was suffering from severe depression ironically) - only afterwards did a few 'incidents' kind of make more sense - it has made me far more alert to 'signs' than I otherwise might have been, and coupled with other more recent family traumas has totally changed my perspective. We'll still never understand it. Horrible, horrible time.

 

[Dave the OAP]

^

This guy right here. What a trashy, low class comment. Attempting to be funny I suppose but not really smart enough, and not much above 8yr old mentality. Not the first time either.

How is he not perm banned from NSC for this?

Swansman is banned for far far less.

He just sits in his bedroom all day long ******* himself silly to videos of hooligans and likes to come on here and post things he thinks are really hilarious and to a lot of people actually very offensive.

I have no idea why the mods haven’t banned him permanently. It can’t be that difficult to trace his IP details.

 

[dazzer6666]

He just sits in his bedroom all day long ******* himself silly to videos of hooligans and likes to come on here and post things he thinks are really hilarious and to a lot of people actually very offensive.

I have no idea why the mods haven’t banned him permanently. It can’t be that difficult to trace his IP details.

Think he was sent on NSC Holiday for another month yesterday................................shame, will miss anything posted related to the visit of that lot up the road.

 

[golddene]

Think he was sent on NSC Holiday for another month yesterday................................shame, will miss anything posted related to the visit of that lot up the road.

Not sure a ban excludes one from reading posts, more likely just from posting, sadly. The amount of times this particular poster has received infractions maybe his/her ban could be extended.
In all honesty, I cannot recall a post of his/her's concerning the Albion except to deride the club or the hierarchy of our club.
Sadly.

 

[Grombleton]

I'd describe the experience as being like continually running from a problem and then reaching a cliff edge. There's nowhere else to run - you either stop where you are, accept the reality of your problem, and all of the pain which comes with it, or you put an end to the problem, the pain and everything else and take the cliff edge. I think people who've never been in that state of mind will find it hard to comprehend how anyone could ever take that 'option', but the reality is if you believe that you cannot withstand the pain, you don't have any options - there is only one thing you can do.

A very emotive post and thankyou for sharing. I too have been in much a similar place and in fact, went further than you described in your post (this isn't point scoring btw, more adding some personal experience) - it really is a case of 'what else is there, I can't run anymore' - even the extended arms and unconditional love of those closest to you doesn't seem enough to pull you back from the brink...but in some cases (I hope most cases) something will click in your mind...what thought or image is that causes it is totally subjective, but you look back after and are eternally grateful that it presented itself. It doesn't make the situation any better, but it does give you perspective and i've found personally that's one of the things that does sometimes go missing, particularly when one is at their worst.

if all those people had been open about saying those things whilst the person were living, it may have given them a reason to choose life. As a society, and I include myself in this, we're so bad at this. It's somehow slightly weird to say nice things to people, to compliment your mates or your colleagues, but so normal to criticise.

I 100% agree this part too: I am as guilty as anyone for not doing enough and not being better at the simple things. We see negativity and some horrid things being said all the time it seems and social media does have a large part to play in this - but it has to come from somewhere and social media is just a platform to publish those things.

We ALL need to be better. We need to do better.

 

[pigbite]

It's interesting that people seem to be laying the blame firmly at the door of social media and the media in general; could it not be more simple than that? She stood to lose everything had she been convicted at her trial; her career, and with it her fame, her money, her lifestyle. I note that her home was up for sale at the time of her death. That's a pretty difficult prospect to wrap your head around for anyone.

I'm going to share something that I haven't shared with another soul before, and even then something that I'm only comfortable in sharing behind the anonymity of a internet pseudonym, because I'm so ashamed of it. Ashamed because of what it would have done to my beautiful children who I love to bits, had I gone through with my darkest of thoughts and done what Caroline Flack did yesterday.

How close did I come? I'm not sure I even know the answer, but close enough to have begun sourcing the things I would need in order to meet my maker. As it happens, it was the thought, this vivid image in my mind, of my kids gleefully handing me a parcel (as they often would whenever I'd ordered something as innocent as a book) and becoming unknowingly complicit in their own father's death, that snapped me out of the place I was in.

I'd describe the experience as being like continually running from a problem and then reaching a cliff edge. There's nowhere else to run - you either stop where you are, accept the reality of your problem, and all of the pain which comes with it, or you put an end to the problem, the pain and everything else and take the cliff edge. I think people who've never been in that state of mind will find it hard to comprehend how anyone could ever take that 'option', but the reality is if you believe that you cannot withstand the pain, you don't have any options - there is only one thing you can do.

I never set an expiry date as such, but I just wanted to make sure that if things ever got too much, that I had everything ready to go. It felt, at the time, like that day was on the horizon, like the walls were closing in. It's an all consuming, suffocating experience.

The sick mind plays horrible tricks, too. It makes you feel as though not only will you be putting an end to your own pain, but also making everyone elses life better in the process. You become deaf to the nice things people say and do to you, whilst all of the hurtful things become amplified or misconstrued. I often see people refer to suicide as a selfish act, and I understand that, but having been at that cliff edge myself and managed to just about drag myself away I disagree. You see it as doing a positive thing for your family, your loved ones, even though from the vantage point of a better place that is so obviously and stunningly untrue.

The sad thing is this. Whenever someone dies by suicide, there is invariably a public outpouring of grief - touching tributes to the beautiful, wonderful person that they were. But those tributes are too late, if all those people had been open about saying those things whilst the person were living, it may have given them a reason to choose life. As a society, and I include myself in this, we're so bad at this. It's somehow slightly weird to say nice things to people, to compliment your mates or your colleagues, but so normal to criticise.

Like many on here, I didn't know much about Caroline Flack the person, other than through my wife's obsession with Love Island. I'm going to work on the assumption that she probably was a generally good person, perhaps a troubled one, who made a mistake. She probably didn't deserve to lose everything, and ultimately her life, over a moment's error, albeit a serious one. But life can be a brutal, unforgiving place and sometimes that can be too much for some.

RIP.

This * 1000. What a great post. People say it's the coward's way and perhaps to some extent, in some circumstances it is, especially when innocent people are robbed of justice but for the most part unless you've been there you don't have a clue.

 

[Dr Bandler]

I’ve helped family in that state. Giving someone a daily happy distraction, something to look forward to after school or work, can be part of the solution.

Funnily enough, with you posting, watching a good movie can be amazing.

This is a good strategy. As a qualified coach we are trained to change people's emotional state and what they focus on (after all, those two things make up their reality more than external events).

Interestingly, we are taught not to try and help suicidal people but to refer them to emergency psychiatric clinicians and then help when the critical threat is over. However, if you look at a master like Tony Robbins, he has helped many people away from these dark states. He is brave enough and confident enough in his skills to go ahead and help the person re-frame how they are seeing the world, and themselves, in a more positive light.

The point of my email is that I think if we could all learn the basics of this strategy we could help ourselves and others when in this dark state (like Weststander's example above). I know I have used it on myself and others.

 

[Harry Wilson's tackle]

Not sure a ban excludes one from reading posts, more likely just from posting, sadly. The amount of times this particular poster has received infractions maybe his/her ban could be extended.
In all honesty, I cannot recall a post of his/her's concerning the Albion except to deride the club or the hierarchy of our club.
Sadly.

He had a whole year ban once.

I agree with your sentiments. There are people on here with whom I disagree, but they still post about current day Albion and have the club at heart. If they get too much on my wick I put them on ignore. I have droopy on ignore too, but he is so much all over some threads they become unreadable (and all sensible conversation ceases). I have had a conversation with a moderator about why droopy is still allowed to post, and the reply was along the lines of bans served, if he crosses the line again, more bans..... There are others who have lost it and been banned forever for trolling/abuse. Droopy is careful enough to keep one side of the line. But we all know what he thinks. Even having his username changed, and his sign off changed to the meaningless DF don't deter him, because he knows that plenty on here know he's refering to the organisation he admires the most (the German Nazi Party, for those new to NSC), and winding up people who aren't Nazis is his only agenda. Personally this is little different from signing off as 'PE' in reference to an illegal paedophile organisation from the 70s. If this were Germany he'd have the law on him for glorifying Hitlers nazis. Yet in the UK 'we' tolerate such views . . .on a football forum. FFS.

 

[Weststander]

Like you say, it would have been totally awful for your children, but don't feel ashamed, life can be unbearably difficult for people sometimes. I'm trying to think what could be done to help you if you ever find yourself in that position again, and my first thought is of you sharing this with people close to you who are better able to help in times of need.

Although I recognise what you're saying (the outpouring of grief and the compliments), I find that things like facebook are full of complements about how beautiful everyone is, and no doubt Caroline will have received more than her fair share. But when in the position you described (being cornered by your problems, with nowhere to go) it's easy to forget the compliments and dwell on all the negative things people have said. I think the best way forward is for us to become better at talking to others when we've got problems, and equally better at listening to those who do turn to us.

The respected psychologist and child therapist Tanya Byron has often mentioned the damage caused by angry or nasty personalised attacks in the form of words, they have far more of an impact than an equal amount of praise. The old adage of “.... but words will never hurt me” was obviously always nonsense.

 

[Weststander]

He had a whole year ban once.

I agree with your sentiments. There are people on here with whom I disagree, but they still post about current day Albion and have the club at heart. If they get too much on my wick I put them on ignore. I have droopy on ignore too, but he is so much all over some threads they become unreadable (and all sensible conversation ceases). I have had a conversation with a moderator about why droopy is still allowed to post, and the reply was along the lines of bans served, if he crosses the line again, more bans..... There are others who have lost it and been banned forever for trolling/abuse. Droopy is careful enough to keep one side of the line. But we all know what he thinks. Even having his username changed, and his sign off changed to the meaningless DF don't deter him, because he knows that plenty on here know he's refering to the organisation he admires the most (the German Nazi Party, for those new to NSC), and winding up people who aren't Nazis is his only agenda. Personally this is little different from signing off as 'PE' in reference to an illegal paedophile organisation from the 70s. If this were Germany he'd have the law on him for glorifying Hitlers nazis. Yet in the UK 'we' tolerate such views . . .on a football forum. FFS.

Careful enough, but imho not clever enough. In the same way that Craig Ramage slipped up, but PPF in a far more hateful, racist neo-Nazi way, I reckon he’ll blunder one day and receive a permanent ban.

No doubt reappearing under a new guise soon after.

Personally I don’t mind his banter about Brexit or the gentrification of football. But underneath, are sick Nazi views.

 

[jackanada]

On a lighter note am I the only one who read the news and thought Roberta Flack must have had a moderately talented daughter I'd failed to hear of?

 

[Chicken Run]

On a lighter note am I the only one who read the news and thought Roberta Flack must have had a moderately talented daughter I'd failed to hear of?

I thought that the first time I saw her face..