Carlton Cole's Twitter page. Oh my good lord.

[kevtherev]

What is really sad, is that anyone would want to know what Carlton Cole is up to every five minutes. Unless he played for us and was pissed out of his head, the day before a game. Twitter, Big Brother etc etc, what a sad reflection on some peoples lifes(including my missus,lol)...Its all a f***ing load of shite!

 

[eastlondonseagull]

Glad you lot have found it as unfathomable as I have. Unbelievable.

*if, indeed, it is him*

 

[gripper stebson]

What on earth does "fam" mean?

f*** All Mate

 

[Barrel of Fun]

It's hurting my head trying to read that. Unbelievable.

Ditto. Everytime I read 'blad' I want to destroy something.

It must be quite fun knowing that you can make a more than decent living, despite being mentally challenged.

 

[Barrel of Fun]

What on earth does "fam" mean?

I thought he was referring to his 'family'. I.e. All blads and that.

 

[John Bumlick]

What on earth does "fam" mean?

that's what i want to know. think i've just about deciphered the rest...

 

[Barrel of Fun]

fertility awareness method (FAM) A method of preventing conception based on avoiding intercourse during the fertile phase of a woman's cycle.

 

[skipper734]

Strangely it makes less sense, when you are given a translation.

 

[Barrel of Fun]

God, I think I actually despise someone from just reading his posts. Every single tweet makes my skin crawl.

 

[John Bumlick]

Not sure that's right to be honest. Look at posts like these:

rite i dont usually like n e fin but hip hop rnb and grim eblad, but dis new band called da xx are da bomb ting fam, chilled to da max!

and

gna make a mix tape tonite wiv it on blad - along wiv sum kid kudi fam! show these younstas how we do fam!

It wouldn't make sense in those, and plenty of others. I'm with Mr Bumlick, I think I've managed to translate most of it, but "fam" is doing my head in.

i dunno, i think it might be 'family' (as in 'crew' or 'posse').

consider what he wrote:

show these younstas how we do fam!

compared to:

show these younstas how we do, fam!

a little bit of punctuation makes a lot of difference. pissing into the wind, i realise, but still...

 

[Barrel of Fun]

I'm new to Twitter, but being the sad bastard that I am, I have asked him.

I agree with Mr Bumlick. There is a distinct lack of punctuation that skews things.

 

[Jackthelad]

Nah that's not real, this is his real account http://twitter.com/carltoncole2010

...not that I follow it or anything.

 

[eastlondonseagull]

Nah that's not real, this is his real account http://twitter.com/carltoncole2010

...not that I follow it or anything.

That's what's so bollocks about Twitter. How on earth do you know who's real?

 

[HG201]

and this man will be wearing an England shirt tonight

 

[ryeseagull]

This charlatan is rather fond of pop tarts.

 

[Paxton Dazo]

" n e fin" is 7 charecters, with the spaces.

Anything is 8. Why not just type it properly

 

[KneeOn]

Yes its hard to read, and he's a grown man so it a little bit weird, but in the 60's and 70's you all said words that adults at the time would have reacted to in the same way you do to our words and language.

It's slightly amusing imo.

 

[Herr Tubthumper]

I thought he was referring to his 'family'. I.e. All blads and that.

My Croydon friend who has to teach cretins who speak like this says it means Family.