Carlton Cole's Twitter page. Oh my good lord.

[eastlondonseagull]

Is he a grown man or a 12-year-old?!

https://twitter.com/CarltonCole12

 

[gripper stebson]

"rite i dont usually like n e fin but hip hop rnb and grim eblad, but dis new band called da xx are da bomb ting fam, chilled to da max!"

What has happened to our language

 

[dingobruce]

Wot u sayin blad?

 

[gripper stebson]

Wot u sayin blad?

Fack off n ting fam

 

[dingobruce]

CarltonCole12 uuurrrrrggggggghhhhhh! picked up da cherry coke insted of diet blad! almost sick fam! tastes like rats period!
5 days ago

CarltonCole12 dont kno wot to do tonite fam. got a curfew innit. gna have to call up some next guurldem blad!
6 days ago

 

[Comedy Steve]

Is there an app to translate any of this?

 

[dingobruce]

CarltonCole12 gaffa and dat want me to give up me pop tarts fam. gutted but im gna do this shit - this is MY season blad! watch dis space fam!
7 days ago

 

[Barrel of Fun]

Claiming Capello has a negative influence on the national team due to his struggle to master the English language seems like an empty excuse when you read this sort of thing...

 

[dingobruce]

CarltonCole12 @Louieforbes you got it all wrong, i was with your mum innit, in ur bed, have a luk unda da pillow, i left u a present, my cum filled jonny
about 1 month ago*in reply to Louieforbes

 

[Simster]

What a complete cock.

 

[Bozza]

It's hurting my head trying to read that. Unbelievable.

 

[Mr Banana]

Is that a verified account?

 

[Rookie]

erm is it actually his account

 

[hart's shirt]

"got dat call up i bin waitin 4 fam! bout time i say fabio blad! just get me on dat pitch fam!!!! "


Capello's had enough trouble trying to learn English let alone attempting to decipher this.

 

[Comedy Steve]

I wrote this on my twitter ( www.twitter.com/stephencgrant )

"If you want to experience the twittered English employed by a homegrown Premiership striker, be very afraid: follow @CarltonCole12"

and got this reply:

@stephencgrant fanx 4 da shout out fam. will bang one in da net for ya tomorrow blad.



Okaaaaaaaay...

 

[SirDouglasLoft]

I wrote this on my twitter ( www.twitter.com/stephencgrant )

"If you want to experience the twittered English employed by a homegrown Premiership striker, be very afraid: follow @CarltonCole12"

and got this reply:

@stephencgrant fanx 4 da shout out fam. will bang one in da net for ya tomorrow blad.



Okaaaaaaaay...

Please write back "u cdnt even score in a brothel fam"

 

[Comedy Steve]

Beginning to think it isn't him, but I've since got Toby Foster and even Jason Manford (new presenter of the One Show) to ask for shout-outs as well. It's getting quite funny now.

Thanks eastlondonseagull for this, you've really brightened up my evening!

 

[Billy the Fish]

The other day a mate of mine was telling me how, if he was in charge of the country, he'd use things like Facebook, X factor, Twitter etc to weed out all the subs (sub-humans) and remove them from society.

At the time I said it was a bit off and reminiscent of some of the nastier people of the 20th century. Now I'm starting to think he's got a point.

 

[Twinkle Toes]

Dem gangstaaa tweeeetz am vexin me wel baaad blad. Bomb da ting wiv writinz & dat bruvs in a fabio stylee innit. Boss rinsin!!!

 

[Mackenzie]

Despite having what appears to be mild mental retardation, he'll still earn more in a year than I'll earn in a lifetime....