Marty___Mcfly
I see your wicked plan - I’m a junglist.
- Sep 14, 2011
- 2,251
When Arsène Wenger woke this morning, you might expect that he would’ve felt a pang of regret. Regret, that his Arsenal side couldn’t seriously challenge a Borussia Dortmund missing their best central defender, their right-back, two starting central midfielders and two starting attacking midfielders. Or that they were so overrun that the 2-0 scoreline was flattering, to say the least. Or that Danny Welbeck couldn’t finish when given the chance, thus hinting at the fears of any Arsenal fan that he simply wouldn’t and couldn’t score enough goals. Or that their defending at times might as well have been soundtracked with circus music. Or that their Champions League campaign is off to a losing start, and means in all probability that if they qualify, they will do so in second place, and will thus play some of the competition’s big dogs and potentially face another premature exit.
The thing is though, he probably won’t feel any of that regret. Because Arsène Knows, you see. He Knows what’s best. And best is going into the season with only six senior defenders, one of whom is a left-back made of toothpicks, another a 19-year-old who is first reserve in two positions and another who is Nacho Monreal. Best is subsequently having to give another 19-year-old his first-team debut in one of the most intimidating away grounds on the continent. Best is not buying a proper holding midfielder, someone with a bit of oomph and presence, perhaps. Best is instead playing Mikel Arteta there, a nice guy and decent player with lovely hair, but one who is out of his depth in games like this these days, if he was ever in his depth. Best is playing Mesut Özil on the right wing.
Still, at least he didn’t get quite the kicking of the man returning to his homeland. German paper Bild has a frankly maverick system of rating players, giving them a mark of one to six, with six being the worst, suggesting that the player “didn’t earn his money.” Özil, who would’ve influenced the game more if he’d wheeled a La-Z-Boy to the touchline and read Tim Lovejoy’s opus on football Lovejoy On Football for 90 minutes [No way it would’ve taken him that long to read it – Fiver Ed.], inevitably received a six, the worst mark on the pitch, such was his anonymity.
Still, at least Wenger can rest safe in the knowledge that all of the problems that emerged in Dortmund were unforeseen, unexpected and hugely surprising for all concerned. After all, who could possibly have predicted they would be troubled by a few injuries, look shaky at the back, limp in midfield and toothless up front? Nobody thought to mention it before this week, particularly not to Wenger himself. Don’t worry Arsène, absolutely nobody saw this sort of thing coming. There’s nothing you could’ve done.
The responsibility lies with Wenger. His way is best, he does Know after all, which largely seems an acceptable notion because he won the league 10 years ago. Wenger guiding Arsenal to the Champions League for 17 years in a row is usually pointed to as a reason for him sticking around, but is it really something to get whoop-whoop excited about if they’ve only come close to winning the thing once in that time? The rest of the time they’ve just been there, rather than actually competing.
It would be interesting to see a Venn diagram of the people that still want Wenger to be Arsenal manager, and the people that are unhappy with the state in which he has left his squad, and talk to those who occupy the common ground in the middle. Surely, after a couple of decades with him around, they know Wenger isn’t going to change. He’ll still be the same stubborn old boy who won’t buy a proper midfielder and who won’t change his approach and who will think the defence is fine because they’ve got a youth team full-back who’s never played a game before as cover. And he’ll deliver the same seasons: third or fourth place, disappointing exit in the early knockout rounds of the Champions League. Like clockwork. Shane Warne once said England spinner and al fresco urinator Monty Panesar hadn’t played 33 Tests (that’s ‘cricket matches’ – the long ones), but he’d played one Test 33 times. Arsenal haven’t played 17 Champions League campaigns, they’ve played one campaign 17 times.
This is, Wenger would like us to point out, only one game … except it isn’t, is it? It’s the Arsenal of the last decade boiled down to 90 minutes. Really quite good in the scheme of things, but nowhere near good enough against the best. It’s hard to work out what must be more depressing for Gooners everywhere – the crushing predictability of it all, or the glimmer of hope that appears at the start of every season, only to flicker out in a few weeks.
The thing is though, he probably won’t feel any of that regret. Because Arsène Knows, you see. He Knows what’s best. And best is going into the season with only six senior defenders, one of whom is a left-back made of toothpicks, another a 19-year-old who is first reserve in two positions and another who is Nacho Monreal. Best is subsequently having to give another 19-year-old his first-team debut in one of the most intimidating away grounds on the continent. Best is not buying a proper holding midfielder, someone with a bit of oomph and presence, perhaps. Best is instead playing Mikel Arteta there, a nice guy and decent player with lovely hair, but one who is out of his depth in games like this these days, if he was ever in his depth. Best is playing Mesut Özil on the right wing.
Still, at least he didn’t get quite the kicking of the man returning to his homeland. German paper Bild has a frankly maverick system of rating players, giving them a mark of one to six, with six being the worst, suggesting that the player “didn’t earn his money.” Özil, who would’ve influenced the game more if he’d wheeled a La-Z-Boy to the touchline and read Tim Lovejoy’s opus on football Lovejoy On Football for 90 minutes [No way it would’ve taken him that long to read it – Fiver Ed.], inevitably received a six, the worst mark on the pitch, such was his anonymity.
Still, at least Wenger can rest safe in the knowledge that all of the problems that emerged in Dortmund were unforeseen, unexpected and hugely surprising for all concerned. After all, who could possibly have predicted they would be troubled by a few injuries, look shaky at the back, limp in midfield and toothless up front? Nobody thought to mention it before this week, particularly not to Wenger himself. Don’t worry Arsène, absolutely nobody saw this sort of thing coming. There’s nothing you could’ve done.
The responsibility lies with Wenger. His way is best, he does Know after all, which largely seems an acceptable notion because he won the league 10 years ago. Wenger guiding Arsenal to the Champions League for 17 years in a row is usually pointed to as a reason for him sticking around, but is it really something to get whoop-whoop excited about if they’ve only come close to winning the thing once in that time? The rest of the time they’ve just been there, rather than actually competing.
It would be interesting to see a Venn diagram of the people that still want Wenger to be Arsenal manager, and the people that are unhappy with the state in which he has left his squad, and talk to those who occupy the common ground in the middle. Surely, after a couple of decades with him around, they know Wenger isn’t going to change. He’ll still be the same stubborn old boy who won’t buy a proper midfielder and who won’t change his approach and who will think the defence is fine because they’ve got a youth team full-back who’s never played a game before as cover. And he’ll deliver the same seasons: third or fourth place, disappointing exit in the early knockout rounds of the Champions League. Like clockwork. Shane Warne once said England spinner and al fresco urinator Monty Panesar hadn’t played 33 Tests (that’s ‘cricket matches’ – the long ones), but he’d played one Test 33 times. Arsenal haven’t played 17 Champions League campaigns, they’ve played one campaign 17 times.
This is, Wenger would like us to point out, only one game … except it isn’t, is it? It’s the Arsenal of the last decade boiled down to 90 minutes. Really quite good in the scheme of things, but nowhere near good enough against the best. It’s hard to work out what must be more depressing for Gooners everywhere – the crushing predictability of it all, or the glimmer of hope that appears at the start of every season, only to flicker out in a few weeks.
