Brent was right...

[Box of Frogs]

We had an email round at work last week, FAO of the female employees, stating that there had been another 'incident' in the ladies toilet and could whoever was responsible go and clear it up!

Dirty bitches!!

 

[Tony Meolas Loan Spell]

We had an email round at work last week, FAO of the female employees, stating that there had been another 'incident' in the ladies toilet and could whoever was responsible go and clear it up!

Dirty bitches!!

We had the same email!!! Do you work in Birchin Lane in London??

 

[Box of Frogs]

We had the same email!!! Do you work in Birchin Lane in London??

No mate - Haywards Heath

 

[Tony Meolas Loan Spell]

No mate - Haywards Heath

Ha! Fair enough but we had exactly the same type of email at work last week so its TRUE women are DIRTY slut faced whores

 

[smeariestbat]

I was going on all day fishing expedition tother day, i forced myself to have a TS ( tactical shit ) in the comfort and well stocked surroundings of my own home, with triple ply extra soft andrex. I was not foolhardy enough to risk a sortee into the portatraps that were on site, with their far inferior school grade quality sandpaper. sorry, toilet 'paper'.

 

[Gblocksouthstand]

My biology teacher told us that the mammalian colon was designed to hold intestinal waste products for long periods of time so that the water could be absorbed from the formative stools. So why make the dry knobbly ones hurt so much on the way out? Is it the same principle as giving birth? Get them out while they're soft and malleable, that's what I say. He also said frogs having sex wasn't pornographic, dirty beasts.

 

[vegster]

My biology teacher told us that the mammalian colon was designed to hold intestinal waste products for long periods of time so that the water could be absorbed from the formative stools. So why make the dry knobbly ones hurt so much on the way out? Is it the same principle as giving birth? Get them out while they're soft and malleable, that's what I say. He also said frogs having sex wasn't pornographic, dirty beasts.

As I remember, the colon contains Goblet Cells which produce a form of lubrication for your motions, maybe they are malfunctioning ?

 

[Twizzle]

Slightly ot, but has any on here tried rubbing the small of the back when sending the kids to the seaside?
I have found this to have a naturally encouraging effect on the chunksters, perhaps it's a distraction for the outpipe, or maybe those bears rubbing against trees have long known something we have forgotten.

 

[Brightonfan1983]

I delved into the NSC Gold archives last night (there are some absolute belters in there it has to be said) but wondered where this one was. Now I know.

How long does a thread have to be dormant before a mod deems it worthy of Gold status, anyone know?

 

[jackanada]

Some years ago I was on holiday in Morocco. In the early afternoon it was blazing hot and and the current girlf had a sore neck so we went back to the hotel, had a cooling shower and gent that I am I layed down a few towels to give her a massage.
All was going well as I tenderised her naked body, and while I could feel some disturbance in my bowels I was not overly concerned. I briefly stood up to stretch out my own back having been hunched over for a while, but as I squatted back down I ejected a cupful of near black loo-lava. I looked down upon the festering stink that clung to her thigh like napalm, frozen in shock and simultaneously quite surprised it was not causing her skin to blister.
Fortunately for her her face was right on the ground and out of range of a stench possibly similar to that of a dead tramp pulled from a cess-pit. "I'll just clean that up" I said and went for cloths and soap (the hotel bathroom lacking rubber gloves, a scouring pad and ammonia). "It's not oil?" she said, only the mildest concern in her voice.
I returned and made the first swipe with a hand towel that surely deserved a better end to its working life.
"No" I said "I just shat on you!" and continued the clean-up shaking like Ali doing the rumba with Michael J Fox due to the combination of laughter, retching and fear.

 

[AmexRuislip]

Where I work, the men's toilets are just off the main corridor, via the locker rooms.
These are shared by MOD civilians and the RAF guys.
As per military humour, toilet banter is quite a popular subject.
This is normally due after when somebody talks about their exploits after a bomb dump, a download or a 617.
One particular day, the camp CO was due to come around for an inspection, so all had to be tidy.
The cleaners had come in extra early to 'bull' the place up a bit.
When the CO arrived, all staff stand up in a respectful way.
Prior to their arrival, someone had used the men's loo.
As the CO and entourage went about the business of inspecting, a god awful fog, stench or smell eminated from said toilet.
It's one of the best moments, where all staff that copped hold of stench, revealed their gag reflex, whilst smirking like children.
For me it was a very funny moment, as the CO cut short the inspection quite swiftly.

No one did own up