[Music] Best Tunes With Worst Lyrics

[Tom Hark Preston Park]

*ground rules* HWT can only play if he posts something that somebody other than him might have conceivably have heard sometime somewhere

I'll begin.

I present to you, the public, 'At The River' by Groove Armada.

Sample lyrics: "If you're fond of sand dunes and salty air"

 

[Poojah]

"I'm serious as cancer, when I say rhythm is a dancer".

 

[Is it PotG?]

"Don't say you're easy on me, you're about as easy as a nuclear war"

 

[Lower West Stander]

Lloyd Cole is the king of this.

"Read Norman Mailer. Or get a new tailor"

From (are you ready to be) Heartbroken.

Is my favourite. Bound to think of others though.

 

[Harry Wilson's tackle]

*ground rules* HWT can only play if he posts something that somebody other than him might have conceivably have heard sometime somewhere

I'll begin.

I present to you, the public, 'At The River' by Groove Armada.

Sample lyrics: "If you're fond of sand dunes and salty air"

Your thread, your rules.

I appreciate you were in a musical isolation tank in the 80s but plenty (edit, the link below has had over 3 million views) will be familiar with this cracking tune. Here are the offending lyrics:

On joyless lanes we walk in lines
A calm but steady flow.
Accompanied by loud commands
Our strength is running low.

And here is the original version (the 95 remix is better but that's not for now).

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=660ZCEhvbnw

 

[Tom Hark Preston Park]

This takes a bit of beating IMHO...

"Feel It" by The Tamperer featuring Maya:

'What's she gonna look like with a chimney on her'


A bit squashed maybe?

 

[Poojah]

Here's a good one, too:



A number of cracking lines:

"A domesticated girl that's all you ask of me
Darling it is no joke, this is lycanthropy"

"I've been devoting myself to you
Monday to Monday
And Friday to Friday
Not getting enough retribution
Or decent incentives to keep me at it
Starting to feel just a little abused
Like a coffee machine in an office (ahoo)"

"Nocturnal creatures are not so prudent,
The moon's my teacher, and I'm her student"

"To locate the single man
I've got on me a special radar,
And the fire department's hot line
in case I get in trouble later"

Some credit has to be given for getting the word 'lycanthropy' into any song however.

 

[Swansman]

This takes a bit of beating IMHO...

"Feel It" by The Tamperer featuring Maya:

'What's she gonna look like with a chimney on her'


A bit squashed maybe?

Remember reading its some kind of slang or reference or something... dont remember exactly but there's a logical explanation to it.

 

[Tom Hark Preston Park]

And lest we forget The Steve Miller Band...

'Some people call me the space cowboy
Some call me the gangster of love
Some people call me Maurice'

 

[lawros left foot]

And lest we forget The Steve Miller Band...

'Some people call me the space cowboy
Some call me the gangster of love
Some people call me Maurice'

I speak with the pompatus of love. ??

 

[Pevenseagull]

Depeche Mode, "Never Let Me Down Again"

A half decent tune, a bit po faced for my liking. The mood is lightened by this strong contender for shittiest (nearly) rhyming couplet of all time.

"Promises me I'm as safe as houses
As long as I remember who's wearing the trousers"

 

[schmunk]

I present to you, the public, 'At The River' by Groove Armada.

Sample lyrics: "If you're fond of sand dunes and salty air"

It is, of course, a sample: https://www.whosampled.com/sample/516/Groove-Armada-At-the-River-Patti-Page-Old-Cape-Cod/

 

[lawros left foot]

Little does she know that I know that she knows
That I know she's two-timin' me
Little does she know that I know that she knows
That I know she's cheatin' on me

I was outside the one stop
When I saw her in the corner
And I didn't like what I see

Little does she know that I know that she knows
That I know she's two-timin' me

She was sharing her spin dryer with a guy in a tie-dye
When she saw my reflection in the chrome
I knew that she'd seen me 'cause she dropped her bikini
The one that I got her, in Rome

Little does she know that I know that she knows
That I know she's two-timin' me
Little does she know that I know that she knows
That I know she's cheatin' on me

When she finished her laundry she was all in a quandary
And made it for the street like a hare
Her escape was so urgent, she forgot her detergent
And dropped all her clean underwear

Little does she know that I know that she knows
That I know she's cheatin' on me


https://youtu.be/6Zf1loc6S7U


A work of pure genius.

 

[Tom Hark Preston Park]

"I'm serious as cancer, when I say rhythm is a dancer".

"CANCER! And my name is LARRY!"

From the aptly-named Floaters hit 'Float On'

 

[Harry Wilson's tackle]

Given how iconic this track is, the lyrics are exceptionally shit:

Thank you for coming home
Sorry that the chairs are all worn
I left them here I could have sworn
These are my salad days
Slowly being eaten away
Just another play for today
Oh, but I'm proud of you
But I'm proud of you
Nothing left to make me feel small
Luck has left me standing so tall

 

[Uh_huh_him]

This song has had me wincing at the lyrics for decades.
Not exactly the lyrics themselves, just the continual cheesiness of the rhymes.
Brilliant songwriters, but this is just line after line of cheese.

I saw a documentary once where Difford and Tillbrook claimed it was one of their lyrical triumphs!!
I assume their tongues were very firmly in their cheeks.





I got a job with Stanley
He said I'd come in handy.

This morning at 4:50
I took her rather nifty

FFS!

 

[Harry Wilson's tackle]

This song has had me wincing at the lyrics for decades.
Not exactly the lyrics themselves, just the continual cheesiness of the rhymes.
Brilliant songwriters, but this is just line after line of cheese.

I saw a documentary once where Difford and Tillbrook claimed it was one of their lyrical triumphs!!
I assume their tongues were very firmly in their cheeks.





I got a job with Stanley
He said I'd come in handy.

This morning at 4:50
I took her rather nifty

FFS!

Mmmmm......lovely song and lyrics in my sad old book

 

[Tom Hark Preston Park]

I speak with the pompatus of love. ??

Yup, and the lyrics were going so WELL right up to that line

 

[Brighton Mackem]

Motorhead by Hawkwind

Fourth day fifth marathon
now we're moving like a parellelogram

 

[loz]

Just like to say I love T.Rex and Electric warrior is still in my top 10 albums 50 years on...But it has to be said a lot of the lyrics are pretty silly.

Buick buick buick mackane
Will you
Buick mackane will you be my
Girl
Rainy lady, queen of the rock
Will you help me to roll
Help me roll, to my soul
Slide slider
You're just a sexual glider
You're just a sexual glider
Be my plane in the rain