Best Man Speech

[Stinkers Bridge]

Just remember to tell all the guests what a moving and emotional day it has been..... even the cake is in tiers !!!

 

[Man of Harveys]

I once went to a wedding where the best man's speech was NOTHING but this repulsive poem:

"We met at university,
and rumours of slacking were rife.
We had a great time together
And now you've taken a wife"

Christ, what a pile of toss - I don't think I've felt 100% well ever since.

 

[Charles 'Charley' Charles]

Just remember to tell all the guests what a moving and emotional day it has been..... even the cake is in tiers !!!

Not heard that one before, made me laugh

 

[Easy 10]

Heres my thread on the same theme from last year, theres some crackers on there.

http://www.northstandchat.biz/showthread.php?s=&threadid=51848&highlight=tiers


Incidentally - I did the TV aerial gag at the start. Hid it under the table, then held it up, waved it about a bit and explained "I'm just making sure we get a good reception". It went down rather well (but you had to be there really).

 

[Trufflehound]

6 sure-fire steps to a successful best man's speech.

1: Drink 15 pints before you start.
2: Remember to include a hilarious and possibly slanderous tale revolving around either:
a) the bride's mother, a large candle, and a video camera; or
b) the bride's father, a hamster, and a roll of duct tape.
3: Fart loudly at least once. Bonus points if you also set light to it.
4: Urinate on the wedding cake.
5: Throw up over the bride.
6: Offer to fight anyone who suggests you may wish to curtail your presentation early.

Guaranteed to have 'em rolling in the aisles.

 

[Tight shorts]

I always sthink a few props/blown up photos usually go down well and add to the humour.

 

[Dave the OAP]

anyone remember four weddings and a funeral, where the best mans speech had the line something like " ......We are all glad xxxx has finally settled down with yyyy as he went out with some right old dogs,....in fact some of them are here today...."

 

[Normal Rob]

I was told that when <insert brides name> was a baby, her favourite thing in the world was her dummy. And 30 years on, funny how things come around

for greater effect that should read ' her favourite thing in the world was sucking on her dummy'

 

[ali jenkins]

anyone remember four weddings and a funeral, where the best mans speech had the line something like " ......We are all glad xxxx has finally settled down with yyyy as he went out with some right old dogs,....in fact some of them are here today...."

Its on telly at the moment, and they've just showed that bit

 

[Stumpy Tim]

for greater effect that should read ' her favourite thing in the world was sucking on her dummy'

That would be funnier, but speeches have to be "Granny-proof".

 

[Springal]

i hear the brode is good in bed, theres nothing like a good shag, and shes nothing like a good shag

 

[Easy 10]

So the receptionist said "do you want to book the bridal ?"
I said "naah, I'll just hold on tight and see how it goes".

 

[Gully]

I read a book about the best mans speech before my one and only attempt, the advice crasher gives is best adhered to, only take the mickey out of yourself and certainly offer some praise of the bride (nothing cringe-worthy, light hearted humour is OK). The book said keep it to 5 minutes, also good advice because by the time you get up to speak everyone will be half-leathered and either planning their way to the bar or plotting a route into the bridesmaids undercrackers, the last thing they want is for you to rabbit on for hours.

 

[The Timekeeper]

I was a little curious about the family that 'grooms name' was marrying into, so I went down to the library to research the 'brides maiden name' history. I came across the family coat of arms and there was a picture of a knight slaying a dragon, that's all I want to say about 'grooms name' new mother in law

 

[eastlondonseagull]

I'll have to send you my best men's details - top speech they came up with. And surprisingly clean, too :

 

[Legend]

At least you are not missing an Albion game to be best man.

Compliment the bride.
Destroy the groom
Shag chief bridesmaid

Get to bar

Job done

 

[Brixtaan]

Great stuff everyone.I'm doing the speech at my brothers wedding next week so any updated sibling gags would be welcome but plenty to be going on with here for now.

 

[Buzzer]

the groom thought he was an expert lover but turns out that he used to sleep with asthmatics.

 

[Tiptop24]

I prepared a few lines this morning, and thats why i feel great.

 

[Race]

i first met the groom when he knocked on my door and tried to sell me a vacuum cleaner. i thought 'thats all i need... a je-hoovers witness!'