Best Insults (on here or wherever)

[Box of Frogs]

There is a lot to be said for 19th Century swearing it has to be said. Ahoyhoy you hobbledy hoy

You are a cad and a bounder sir!

 

[Captain Haddock]

You sir have the look of Simon Jordan, the voice of Sean Dyche and the breath of a garlic-overloaded cackhound....now begone with you, you...er...poltroon, you!

 

[OvingdeanSeagull]

"Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!"

 

[Worthingite]

"Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!"

I was wondering how long it'd take

 

[Worthingite]

You are a cad and a bounder sir!

You sir, are nothing but a dandy and a gadabout.

 

[dingodan]

"Let a hungry Carpathian long-haired she-wolf blow your dick, f***" - Bulgarian

"A thousand dicks in your religion" - Arab

"f*** the 18 generations of your ancestors" - Chinese

"Grandfatherfucker" - Icelandic

"Stick your hand in my ass and jerk off with my shit" - Romanian

"Suck devilcock in hell you faggotdwarf" - Danish

"You eat pubic hair with salt-dip" - Vietnamese

"Piss into a transformer" - Finnish

"Suck on my hemorrhoids and wait for better days" - Afrikaans

"May you get f***ed by a blind bear" - Albanian

"I dream about farting on you" - Bosnian

 

[Medwayseagull]

Smorgasbord of smeg.

Puss-sucking dribbler.

Boil on the butt of humanity.

Stench-ridden tramp's trousers.

Bollock-scratching Neanderthal.

Cack-munching breath-monster

Palace fan.

The OP did say no swearing.

 

[Tom Hark Preston Park]

We used to have a Hungaria poster on here, Gruyere or similar, who once came out with the classic Dumbass Big-Faced Bastard

 

[Woodchip]

Fucktard is one of my favourites.

 

[upthealbion1970]

Fucknugget

 

[Garage_Doors]

wanker

 

[Wardy]

A black-and-white mind working on a color-coded problem

As Wise as the world is flat

Was born an acrobat but landed on his head

Was born when the planets were misaligned.

Was first in line for brains, but ended up holding the door open

Should be the poster child for family planning

 

[Seagull58]

John Cooper Clarke silenced a heckler at one of his gigs (probably one of many times he has used it) with "I can't hear a word you're saying, your mouth's full of shit".

 

[BadFish]

A big fat fella called a mate of mine a waste of space.

He retorted with 'well you are a waste of two spaces'

Enjoyed that one!

 

[NickBHAFC18]

I could listen all day to this guy insult people

 

[Woodchip]

Mother fcuker, for palace

As well as Auntiefucker, sisterfucker, grandmotherfucker, greatauntfucker, daughterfucker, cousinfuck and niecefucker. Worryingly we're still talking about the same woman!

 

[Paul Reids Sock]

When I was at uni a best mate and I started calling each other poopie head for no reason other than it annoyed our girlfriends.

A personal favourite (which I believe I saw on here) is the simple - f*** off you mess

 

[Yoda]

Does anyone remember that African guy who registered on here and called someone a son of a hippo?

 

[Norman Potting]

A black-and-white mind working on a color-coded problem

As Wise as the world is flat

Was born an acrobat but landed on his head

Was born when the planets were misaligned.

Was first in line for brains, but ended up holding the door open

Should be the poster child for family planning

Escaped from the gene pool whilst the life guard wasn't looking.

Somewhere a village has lost it's idiot.

His contribution to the organisation is immeasurable.

 

[grubbyhands]

Abbreviations allowed? CSMFD ?.....C*ck S*cking Mother F*cking D*ckhead!