From a brilliant new book by a guy called Chris Parker, entitled 'One Ginger Pele'.
And yes, our very own 'Two Kerry Mayos' is in there, as well as 'We've got tiny Cox'!
Following a newspaper report that Robbie Fowler had a portfolio of over 100 properties which he rented out, Man City fans chanted this when they next played Liverpool (to the tune of ‘Yellow Submarine’):
We all live in a Robbie Fowler house,
a Robbie Fowler house,
a Robbie Fowler house.
John Hartson’s less-than-svelte physique led to this chant from Rangers’ fans when they played Ole Firm rivals Celtic (to the tune of ‘All Things Bright and Beautiful’):
All things bright and beautiful,
All creatures great and small,
All things wise and wonderful,
John Hartson ate them all.
Directed at Ronaldinho by Liverpool fans when they played Barcelona (to the tune of ‘the Conga’):
Cilla wants her teeth back,
Cilla wants her teeth back,
La la la la, la la la la.
A particularly poor performance from West Brom’s Kanu earned this response from Birmingham City fans (to the tune of ‘She’ll Be Coming Round the Mountain’):
I’d rather have a speedboat than Kanu,
I’d rather have a speedboat than Kanu,
Yes, I’d rather have a speedboat,
rather have a speedboat,
rather have a speedboat than Kanu.
I’d rather have a raft than Kanu,
I’d rather have a raft than Kanu,
Yes, I’d rather have a raft,
rather have a raft,
rather have a raft than Kanu.
Now I’d rather f*****g drown than have Kanu,
I’d rather f*****g than have Kanu,
Yes, I’d rather f*****g drown,
rather f*****g drown,
rather f*****g drown than have Kanu..
Preston fans taunt Cardiff’s Jimmy Floyd Hasselbaink (to the tune of ‘Guantanmera’):
Fat Eddie Murphy,
You’re just a fat Eddie Murphy,
Fat Eddie Murphy.
Pompey fans were not impressed when Gordon Strachan took over as Southampton boss a few years ago (to the tune of Gloria Gaynor’s ‘I will Survive’):
At first I was afraid, I was petrified.
Thought I’d never get another job with a Premier side.
And I spent so many nights, thinking I’d done nothing wrong,
but I grew strong, and a new job came along.
And so I’m back, managing the Saints,
They think I’m gonna save them, but it’s obvious I ain’t,
They should have called on Howard Wilko, Harry R or Georgie G.
If they want a decent gaffer, it sure as hell ain’t me.
But I’ll survive, I will survive.
As long as I’ve mates on telly, I know I’ll stay alive.
The new Saints’ boss job is mine, and I’ve crap players yet to sign,
I will survive, I will survive.
Go on now go, walk out the door,
They’ll be singing at St Mary’s when we’re in division four,
But it’ll be nothing to do with me,
My team weren’t strong enough mentally.
But now I’ve got a big fat pay-off, and my country’s calling me.
Dennis Wise’s poor record as Leeds’ manager was gleefully noted by opposing fans (to the tune of ‘Lord of the Dance’):
Wise, Wise, whatever have you done?
You’ve taken Leeds to Division One.
You won’t win a cup, you won’t win a shield.
Your biggest game will be Huddersfield.
Hull City were twice relegated under Terry Dolan’s management, leading Hull fans to sing (to the tune of Pulp’s ‘Common People’):
He came from Rochdale with a lack of knowledge.
He studied management at Bradford College.
That’s where I...caught his eye.
He told me that he was a manager,
I sad: “In that case, you’d better come and manage us”.
He said: “Fine”.
And then, in three season’s time,
He said: “ I want to take you to the Vauxhall Conference,
I want to do, whatever Halifax do.
I want to sign lots of shitty players,
I want to watch this club slide out of view.
And hoof and hoof ad hoof, because there’s nothing else to do”.
Newcastle fans notice that FC Basle fans have gone quiet after going a goal down (to the tune of ‘Guide Me O Great Redeemer’):
You’re not yodelling,
you’re not yodelling,
you’re not yodelling any more,
you’re not yodelling any more.
Liverpool fans have sometimes been subject to the following observations by visiting fans (to the tune of ‘You Are My Sunshine’):
You are a Scouser,
An ugly Scouser.
You’re only happy, on giro day.
Your mum’s out thieving,
your dad’s drug dealing.
Oh please don’t take my hubcaps away.
Variously directed towards Norwich fans (to the tune of ‘The Addams Family’):
Your sister is your mother.
Your father is your brother.
You all f*** one another,
In the Norwich Family.
Directed at Ipswich fans during the 2001 foot-and-mouth epidemic (to the tune of ‘Chirpy Chirpy Cheep Cheep’):
Where’s your cattle gone? (where’s your cattle gone?)
Far, far away.
Tottenham fans taunt the fickle fans who flocked to Chelsea when Abromovitch and Mourhino took over a few years ago (to the tune of ‘Lord of the Dance’):
Carefree wherever you may be
We are the nouveau Chelsea FC
So please sit down, so that my wife can see.
I’ve been coming here since 2003.
Bristol City fans taunt their Cardiff rivals (to the tune of ‘Hokey Cokey’):
Woah, Cardiff, Cardiff City.
Woah, Cardiff, Cardiff City.
Woah, Cardiff, Cardiff City.
Knees bent, arms stretched: chav, chav, chav!
A less-than-well-endowed male streaker on the pitch at Shrewsbury invited this retort from Chelsea fans in a cup competition (to the tune of ‘Bread of Heaven’):
Is that all she:
Is that all she:
All she gets at home?
Is that all she gets at home?
And yes, our very own 'Two Kerry Mayos' is in there, as well as 'We've got tiny Cox'!
Following a newspaper report that Robbie Fowler had a portfolio of over 100 properties which he rented out, Man City fans chanted this when they next played Liverpool (to the tune of ‘Yellow Submarine’):
We all live in a Robbie Fowler house,
a Robbie Fowler house,
a Robbie Fowler house.
John Hartson’s less-than-svelte physique led to this chant from Rangers’ fans when they played Ole Firm rivals Celtic (to the tune of ‘All Things Bright and Beautiful’):
All things bright and beautiful,
All creatures great and small,
All things wise and wonderful,
John Hartson ate them all.
Directed at Ronaldinho by Liverpool fans when they played Barcelona (to the tune of ‘the Conga’):
Cilla wants her teeth back,
Cilla wants her teeth back,
La la la la, la la la la.
A particularly poor performance from West Brom’s Kanu earned this response from Birmingham City fans (to the tune of ‘She’ll Be Coming Round the Mountain’):
I’d rather have a speedboat than Kanu,
I’d rather have a speedboat than Kanu,
Yes, I’d rather have a speedboat,
rather have a speedboat,
rather have a speedboat than Kanu.
I’d rather have a raft than Kanu,
I’d rather have a raft than Kanu,
Yes, I’d rather have a raft,
rather have a raft,
rather have a raft than Kanu.
Now I’d rather f*****g drown than have Kanu,
I’d rather f*****g than have Kanu,
Yes, I’d rather f*****g drown,
rather f*****g drown,
rather f*****g drown than have Kanu..
Preston fans taunt Cardiff’s Jimmy Floyd Hasselbaink (to the tune of ‘Guantanmera’):
Fat Eddie Murphy,
You’re just a fat Eddie Murphy,
Fat Eddie Murphy.
Pompey fans were not impressed when Gordon Strachan took over as Southampton boss a few years ago (to the tune of Gloria Gaynor’s ‘I will Survive’):
At first I was afraid, I was petrified.
Thought I’d never get another job with a Premier side.
And I spent so many nights, thinking I’d done nothing wrong,
but I grew strong, and a new job came along.
And so I’m back, managing the Saints,
They think I’m gonna save them, but it’s obvious I ain’t,
They should have called on Howard Wilko, Harry R or Georgie G.
If they want a decent gaffer, it sure as hell ain’t me.
But I’ll survive, I will survive.
As long as I’ve mates on telly, I know I’ll stay alive.
The new Saints’ boss job is mine, and I’ve crap players yet to sign,
I will survive, I will survive.
Go on now go, walk out the door,
They’ll be singing at St Mary’s when we’re in division four,
But it’ll be nothing to do with me,
My team weren’t strong enough mentally.
But now I’ve got a big fat pay-off, and my country’s calling me.
Dennis Wise’s poor record as Leeds’ manager was gleefully noted by opposing fans (to the tune of ‘Lord of the Dance’):
Wise, Wise, whatever have you done?
You’ve taken Leeds to Division One.
You won’t win a cup, you won’t win a shield.
Your biggest game will be Huddersfield.
Hull City were twice relegated under Terry Dolan’s management, leading Hull fans to sing (to the tune of Pulp’s ‘Common People’):
He came from Rochdale with a lack of knowledge.
He studied management at Bradford College.
That’s where I...caught his eye.
He told me that he was a manager,
I sad: “In that case, you’d better come and manage us”.
He said: “Fine”.
And then, in three season’s time,
He said: “ I want to take you to the Vauxhall Conference,
I want to do, whatever Halifax do.
I want to sign lots of shitty players,
I want to watch this club slide out of view.
And hoof and hoof ad hoof, because there’s nothing else to do”.
Newcastle fans notice that FC Basle fans have gone quiet after going a goal down (to the tune of ‘Guide Me O Great Redeemer’):
You’re not yodelling,
you’re not yodelling,
you’re not yodelling any more,
you’re not yodelling any more.
Liverpool fans have sometimes been subject to the following observations by visiting fans (to the tune of ‘You Are My Sunshine’):
You are a Scouser,
An ugly Scouser.
You’re only happy, on giro day.
Your mum’s out thieving,
your dad’s drug dealing.
Oh please don’t take my hubcaps away.
Variously directed towards Norwich fans (to the tune of ‘The Addams Family’):
Your sister is your mother.
Your father is your brother.
You all f*** one another,
In the Norwich Family.
Directed at Ipswich fans during the 2001 foot-and-mouth epidemic (to the tune of ‘Chirpy Chirpy Cheep Cheep’):
Where’s your cattle gone? (where’s your cattle gone?)
Far, far away.
Tottenham fans taunt the fickle fans who flocked to Chelsea when Abromovitch and Mourhino took over a few years ago (to the tune of ‘Lord of the Dance’):
Carefree wherever you may be
We are the nouveau Chelsea FC
So please sit down, so that my wife can see.
I’ve been coming here since 2003.
Bristol City fans taunt their Cardiff rivals (to the tune of ‘Hokey Cokey’):
Woah, Cardiff, Cardiff City.
Woah, Cardiff, Cardiff City.
Woah, Cardiff, Cardiff City.
Knees bent, arms stretched: chav, chav, chav!
A less-than-well-endowed male streaker on the pitch at Shrewsbury invited this retort from Chelsea fans in a cup competition (to the tune of ‘Bread of Heaven’):
Is that all she:
Is that all she:
All she gets at home?
Is that all she gets at home?
