Best Blonde Jokes

[butters(___!___)buttocks]

A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?"
In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something. "Our bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blonde. I'm a 6' tall, 200 lb. black belt. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2", weighs 225 and he's a rugby player. The fella to your right is 6'5" pushing 300 and he's a wrestler. Each one of us is blonde.
Think about it, mister. You still wanna tell that joke?"
The blind guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times".

 

[butters(___!___)buttocks]

Or there's this one:

A blonde and a brunette are walking down the street and pass a flower shop where the brunette sees her boyfriend buying flowers. The brunette sighs and says, "Oh, crap, my boyfriend is buying me flowers again...for no reason."
The blonde looks quizzically at her and says, "What's the big deal, don't you like getting flowers?" The brunette says, "Oh sure...but he always has expectations after getting me flowers, and I just don't feel like
spending the next three days on my back with my legs in the air."
The blonde says, "Don't you have a vase ?

 

[colinpants]

Why was the blond staring at the orange juice carton? it said concentrate.

 

[Goodfella]

FIRST DEGREE: A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning. The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone, listened
a moment and said, "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up. The husband said, "Who was that?" The wife said, "I don't know, some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear."

 

[butters(___!___)buttocks]

and there's:



Two Essex blondes walk into a department store, walk up to the perfume counter and pick up a sample bottle.
Sharon sprays it on her wrist and smells it. "That's quite nice innit, don't you fink Trace"
"Yeah what's it called?" "Viens a moi" "VIENS A MOI, what the hell does that mean?"
At this stage the assistant offers some help. "Viens a moi ladies is French for 'come to me' "
Sharon takes another sniff and offers her arm to Tracey again saying "That doesn't smell like come to me, does that smell like come to you?"

 

[Drumstick]

A blonde missed the 44 so she got the 22 twice

 

[Barrel of Fun]

Sean Connerys agent rang him up one morning and said

"Sean, I've got a job for you! Perfect, it will relaunch your career"

"Marvelloush newsh. What do I have to do?" said the Ex-Bond

"You have to be there tomorrow, for tennish" said his agent

"Oh dear. Tennish. Thatsh a problem. I don't have a racket" said the Ex-Secret Agent

Oh Blonde jokes. Not bond jokes. Sorry

 

[zakthemack]

How do you know when a blonde woman is having a bad day?

When she can't find her pencil and her tampon is behind her ear.

 

[Goodfella]

Q. What's a blondes favorite nursery rhyme?


A. Humpme Dumpme

 

[surrey jim]

What do you call a blonde doing a handstand?,
a brunette with bad breath

 

[Donk the Seagull]

A blonde walks into a department store and is looking around when the shop assistant comes up to her and ask if she requires any help. "Yes please, i would like to buy this microwave," and points at it. The assistant looks at her and replies, "Sure, but that is a washing machine your pointing at."

 

[Marc]

Why was the blond staring at the orange juice carton? it said concentrate.

hahaha never heard that one before, brilliant

 

[mindyjaja]

Why do blondes drive BMW's ?
Because they can't spell Ferrari !!!

A blonde walked into pizza hut and ordered a 12" meat feast (!), on delivering the pizza the waiter cut it into 6 pieces and asked the blonde if there was anything else he could do for her to which the blonde replied "Please cut it into 12 pieces, I am really hungry"!!!

 

[Donk the Seagull]

There was a bus full of blondes except for one, who was a brunette. They were driving over a bridge when it skids off the road and is dangling over the edge. Somehow all the women end up on the outside of the bus holding on for their lives. The bus starts to tip so the brunette says "I'm going to let go, you are all a lot more prettier than me and have more chance of getting married and having a great life." When she has finished the blondes start to clap her for her bravery.