Ken Livingstone Seagull
Well-known member
Now that's the fighting talk and rubrics that Bell Cheese International Ltd is all about. So who's in charge of our metrics?
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Bell Cheeses at work
- Thread starter Iggle Piggle
- Start date
Now that's the fighting talk and rubrics that Bell Cheese International Ltd is all about. So who's in charge of our metrics?
Bell Cheese Consultants Ltd is uniquely British. There is no international strategy.
Norman Potting
Well-known member
Suggest when you get the office set up that you have a big plasma screen in reception showing the videos "lessons from geese" and the one with the irritating American fish sellers on a loop.
I'm sure that's a key learn that we can take away from this session and run up the flagpole
Iggle Piggle
Well-known member
- Sep 3, 2010
- 5,952
- Thread starter
- #1,085
Bellcheesefree.co.uk has been registered
Gullflyinghigh
Registered User
- Apr 23, 2012
- 4,279
It begins!
Whitechapel
Famous Last Words
Long Time Reader - First Time Poster.
Holding down my first full-time "proper" job at the moment, I'm about 2 months in and despite in being soulless, repetitive quality control in a warehouse the people I work with are largely okay. In fact I'd have no reason to post in this thread if it wasn't for my boss. My boss is a nice guy, our department always hit targets so he doesn't have much to do but he puts a shift in, has a joke and a laugh whilst making sure we stay focused enough to hit targets. However, he has one MAJOR flaw. He has control over the music. He picks Heart.fm. HEART F*CKING FM. 8 hours a day of that tepid load of f*cking shite has driven me slightly insane and I've only been there for two months.
How can a radio station claim they have "more music variety" when they play that Heartbeat song by Kelly Clarkson at least once every f*cking hour? F*CK OFF. Yes, you're called Heart and she sings "This is my Heartbeat song." very clever. You can stop playing it now. The other day they genuinely played Taylor Swift, Ed Sheeran & Ellie Goulding in a row before the DJ breathless creamed himself "That's music variety on Heart." Sorry, what? Taylor Swift, Slayer & 50 Cent would be music Variety. Three pop acts isn't.
What c*nt decided to rhyme "Windows and Doors" with "Windows and Doors" for the jingle at the end of the advert? Still beats the jingle for Hove Dogs advert from before fathers day "Could you tell your dad ... *You can almost hear the guy chortle here* ... he was going to the dogs? *Another awkward pause* ON FATHERS DAY?!." When will advertisers learn that Comedy x Repetition = Me trying to figure out if I'd get caught if I sent nail bombs to their office.
The Radio DJ - Ricardo. If he died I'd turn up at his funeral with a deckchair and a vuvuzela. If I wanted to hear the worlds campest man gossip with a bunch of middle aged women I'd get a job in an office and wait by the water cooler all day. I could have a frontal lobotomy and I still wouldn't be interested in their BBQ technique, what their son got up to or any of the other bollocks they drag out from a two line conversation to 8 hours of mindless droning. Almost lost it a couple of weeks ago when he said there was a full breakdown of the new Budget on the heart.fm website. Unless the government have placed a large tax Bacardi Breezers or Deely bobbers then the sort of mindless cretin that listens to the show won't care about the budget.
They run a competition where you can win £10,000 every week. All you have to do is correctly guess a song before the singing starts and you're entered in to their draw to win the money at the end of the week. Their tagline for it is "Will the start of one song be the start of your best summer ever." A solid enough slogan if it wasn't for the fact it quite often goes wrong. A few weeks ago somebody won and when asked what they were going to do with the money replied "Well, I'm getting married in six months, so I'll probably save the money for then." Obviously this means her summer whilst being improved by the sudden aiding to her budget wouldn't be any more extravigent that normal... Didn't put the DJ off. "SOUNDS LIKE THIS WILL BE YOUR BEST SUMMER EVER." FFS. Die.
That Cheerleader song can swallow a bag of dicks too, it's f*cking shite.
Apart from the music, the adverts & the DJ's it's a pretty solid radio station tbh...
and yes, that isn't really about a Bell Cheese at my work, but there's 8 of us in my department. 4 of them don't speak English very well, two of them don't talk much, one of them is me and one is my boss so Ricardo and Mark Wright might as well be standing next to me nattering about their flat tire and sons Chicken Pox for all the difference it would make.
Holding down my first full-time "proper" job at the moment, I'm about 2 months in and despite in being soulless, repetitive quality control in a warehouse the people I work with are largely okay. In fact I'd have no reason to post in this thread if it wasn't for my boss. My boss is a nice guy, our department always hit targets so he doesn't have much to do but he puts a shift in, has a joke and a laugh whilst making sure we stay focused enough to hit targets. However, he has one MAJOR flaw. He has control over the music. He picks Heart.fm. HEART F*CKING FM. 8 hours a day of that tepid load of f*cking shite has driven me slightly insane and I've only been there for two months.
How can a radio station claim they have "more music variety" when they play that Heartbeat song by Kelly Clarkson at least once every f*cking hour? F*CK OFF. Yes, you're called Heart and she sings "This is my Heartbeat song." very clever. You can stop playing it now. The other day they genuinely played Taylor Swift, Ed Sheeran & Ellie Goulding in a row before the DJ breathless creamed himself "That's music variety on Heart." Sorry, what? Taylor Swift, Slayer & 50 Cent would be music Variety. Three pop acts isn't.
What c*nt decided to rhyme "Windows and Doors" with "Windows and Doors" for the jingle at the end of the advert? Still beats the jingle for Hove Dogs advert from before fathers day "Could you tell your dad ... *You can almost hear the guy chortle here* ... he was going to the dogs? *Another awkward pause* ON FATHERS DAY?!." When will advertisers learn that Comedy x Repetition = Me trying to figure out if I'd get caught if I sent nail bombs to their office.
The Radio DJ - Ricardo. If he died I'd turn up at his funeral with a deckchair and a vuvuzela. If I wanted to hear the worlds campest man gossip with a bunch of middle aged women I'd get a job in an office and wait by the water cooler all day. I could have a frontal lobotomy and I still wouldn't be interested in their BBQ technique, what their son got up to or any of the other bollocks they drag out from a two line conversation to 8 hours of mindless droning. Almost lost it a couple of weeks ago when he said there was a full breakdown of the new Budget on the heart.fm website. Unless the government have placed a large tax Bacardi Breezers or Deely bobbers then the sort of mindless cretin that listens to the show won't care about the budget.
They run a competition where you can win £10,000 every week. All you have to do is correctly guess a song before the singing starts and you're entered in to their draw to win the money at the end of the week. Their tagline for it is "Will the start of one song be the start of your best summer ever." A solid enough slogan if it wasn't for the fact it quite often goes wrong. A few weeks ago somebody won and when asked what they were going to do with the money replied "Well, I'm getting married in six months, so I'll probably save the money for then." Obviously this means her summer whilst being improved by the sudden aiding to her budget wouldn't be any more extravigent that normal... Didn't put the DJ off. "SOUNDS LIKE THIS WILL BE YOUR BEST SUMMER EVER." FFS. Die.
That Cheerleader song can swallow a bag of dicks too, it's f*cking shite.
Apart from the music, the adverts & the DJ's it's a pretty solid radio station tbh...
and yes, that isn't really about a Bell Cheese at my work, but there's 8 of us in my department. 4 of them don't speak English very well, two of them don't talk much, one of them is me and one is my boss so Ricardo and Mark Wright might as well be standing next to me nattering about their flat tire and sons Chicken Pox for all the difference it would make.
Norman Potting
Well-known member
Quality rant there. Fortunately I only have to listen to Heart on the occassional brief school run when daughters control the radio. My blood did run cold in my veins last week when catching a brief snatch of conversation on the Jeremy Vine show (good subject for another rant) when it was conjectured that Radios 1 and 2 could easily be discarded, the thinking being that Commercial stations did as good a job
If there is one that does I have yet to hear it.
Excellent first post. Welcome aboard. Bit disappointed, though, at comments like 'my boss is a nice guy'. We don't want that kind of talk on here.
Whitechapel
Famous Last Words
Quality rant there. Fortunately I only have to listen to Heart on the occassional brief school run when daughters control the radio. My blood did run cold in my veins last week when catching a brief snatch of conversation on the Jeremy Vine show (good subject for another rant) when it was conjectured that Radios 1 and 2 could easily be discarded, the thinking being that Commercial stations did as good a job
Every few weeks my boss will randomly play XFM for the day which is probably the best Commercial station I've heard. Rock/Indie Rock music genuinely with the odd pop band like Bastille or Everything Everything thrown in for a dash of variety. It's also where Karl Pilkington got his big break so they've got some prestige. It's a London radio station but we get it's obviously possible to get it in Sussex somehow, I'm a radio moron so I don't know how these things work.
The last 4 songs played according to their site: Nirvana - Come As You Are, Jamie T - Rabbit Hole, Sum 41 - In Too Deep, Lawson - Roads.
Mother Teresa was a nice person, but if she listened to Heart constantly I'd consider drop kicking her in the fanny. The Heart.FM problem should be seen as overriding every positive characteristic.
Genuine LOL at that
Ninja Elephant
Doctor Elephant
- Feb 16, 2009
- 18,855
Probably me. Looking to make an impression? Check. Knows a bit about Excel? Check. Stupid enough to take on such a miserable task? WINNER.
But, obviously, nobody on here would wait until deadline day to provide their metrics for the inevitable graphs and the Powerpoint presentation leaving me just a coupe of minutes to make sure everything is coded properly and displaying in the EXACT way demanded by people who don't understand the software and who couldn't even come close to getting the stupid thing compiled.
Ninja Elephant
Doctor Elephant
- Feb 16, 2009
- 18,855
So two of the ladies in the office have today come in dressed very similarly, one of them has a white shirt and blue trousers, the other has a blue shirt and white trousers (she looks a MESS). They're happily floor walking showing off how similarly they're dressed and the reactions are, at best, mixed. One of them is someone with so little work to do, and so obviously so little interest in doing anything productive, that she wanders around for chats all day long anyway, but this is taking the biscuit. They're cackling like hens for NEARLY dressing the same, imagine their delight if they'd been wearing EXACTLY the same clothes. I shot them the standard, "are you ****ing kidding me?" look, and they got the idea.
Hillian1
( . ) ( . )
It is possible, with a bit of patience, ingenuity and large elastic bands, to get the lever that adjusts office chairs up and down to remain in the "open" position.
Just thought I'd share that with you.
Just thought I'd share that with you.
beorhthelm
A. Virgo, Football Genius
- Jul 21, 2003
- 36,014
i continue to be amazed how people get away with this. one chap at my office have been promoted twice in the past 3-4 years, yet will spend at least 50% of his day clearly socialising with everyone and anyone, 20% to reading football news and another 20% at lunch. he then gets in a right hump when people talk to him in that remaining slither of the day that he dedicates to work. mind you at least he no longer moans about the amount of work he has, appears his new role means he can pick and chose what to work on.
brightn'ove
cringe
Whilst XFM has a better selection of music than Heart, they are still guilty of playing the same songs multiple times a day and after listening to it every day, you realise that they only have about 100 songs which they rotate. It's all about absolute radio.
Whitechapel
Famous Last Words
Ah, it usually gets put on halfway through a shift and as I said it's only once or every couple of weeks so it seems new & exciting to me when it comes on.
Slightly off topic for this thread but I loathe Heart FM - unlike my wife who has the car radio permanently tuned to it. We only have one car and she drives it a lot more than me. About two years ago I took it out to drive to Worthing and back one Saturday afternoon on my own. I retuned to 5 Live for the length of the drive. On the Monday i got home from work to an absolutely FURIOUS wife.
Her - I nearly DIED this morning.
Me - Really? How?
Her - I had to look down while I was driving OUR CHILDREN to tune the radio because you'd tuned it to something HORRIBLE and BORING.
Me- Oh, I thought I forgot to retune it to Heart......
Her - *storms out*
We're still together but I avoid the car like the plague.
Grombleton
Surrounded by <div>s
- Dec 31, 2011
- 7,356
We have one particular prat at my evening job. It's at a supermarket, the graveyard for the uninspired and the unfortunate.
One particular kid likes to think of himself as a bit of a 'lad' - the one that still thinks it's a sign of overbearing machismo that he can boast about drinking several pints on a night out and not getting drunk...that kind of person.
Normally, he's just your every day worker, not in any management position. Recently we've had some changes in the managerial structure meaning some leaving, coupled with some people on holiday and compassionate leave etc. So he's been given the opportunity to run one of the departments for a week. They've given him the checkouts, theoretically the one place he can do as little damage as possible (usually he works on the fruit and veg department, not actually working and probably trying to shag any fruit he can).
The thing is, he's not terrible at his job, but you do wonder how he gets into his own clothes and gets through the day without somehow blowing himself up. He has a fantastic level of hero worship for one of the department managers, to the point that he now dons the company shirt and tie rather than the standard polo shirt that us mere mortals wear, just to make people think he's 'one of them'. He's even gone to lengths to say he's a manager to the new girls in order to get their respect and potentially bed them...they're now forewarned as part of their induction.
SO how does this affect me? Well, it doesnt - unless I happen to be crossing paths with him. He has this delusion that EVERYONE needs to know about what he's doing and what he still has to do in his day, as if he HAS to justify his employment. I don't give a flying **** if you have some rhubarb to put out or you don't have time for a break because you spent all morning trying to **** one of the checkout conveyor belts. Go sit in the fruit and veg chiller and **** off.
One particular kid likes to think of himself as a bit of a 'lad' - the one that still thinks it's a sign of overbearing machismo that he can boast about drinking several pints on a night out and not getting drunk...that kind of person.
Normally, he's just your every day worker, not in any management position. Recently we've had some changes in the managerial structure meaning some leaving, coupled with some people on holiday and compassionate leave etc. So he's been given the opportunity to run one of the departments for a week. They've given him the checkouts, theoretically the one place he can do as little damage as possible (usually he works on the fruit and veg department, not actually working and probably trying to shag any fruit he can).
The thing is, he's not terrible at his job, but you do wonder how he gets into his own clothes and gets through the day without somehow blowing himself up. He has a fantastic level of hero worship for one of the department managers, to the point that he now dons the company shirt and tie rather than the standard polo shirt that us mere mortals wear, just to make people think he's 'one of them'. He's even gone to lengths to say he's a manager to the new girls in order to get their respect and potentially bed them...they're now forewarned as part of their induction.
SO how does this affect me? Well, it doesnt - unless I happen to be crossing paths with him. He has this delusion that EVERYONE needs to know about what he's doing and what he still has to do in his day, as if he HAS to justify his employment. I don't give a flying **** if you have some rhubarb to put out or you don't have time for a break because you spent all morning trying to **** one of the checkout conveyor belts. Go sit in the fruit and veg chiller and **** off.
BlockDpete
Well-known member
- Oct 8, 2005
- 1,144
Luckily, I don't have to put up with any music in my office.
Though I have worked in places that play either Heart ,I have to laugh at their claims of "More music variety". What about playing something where someones playing a guitar then
?
Or even worse..Magic "Divorce" FM. There's only so much Coldplay/Phil Collins/Foreigner you can put up with, especially when you've split up with someone.....
Though I have worked in places that play either Heart ,I have to laugh at their claims of "More music variety". What about playing something where someones playing a guitar then
?Or even worse..Magic "Divorce" FM. There's only so much Coldplay/Phil Collins/Foreigner you can put up with, especially when you've split up with someone.....