Bell Cheeses at work

[METALMICKY]

May I nominate the the office cheeses who take no responsibility for clearing paper jams on the printer when its their job that's knackered it. If you have no ideas how to clear it get some training or maybe ask a colleague. Don't just feck off with the printer console just twinkling with red lights.

And if you work at Health Management at Ringmer get rid of all those bloody dogs!

 

[Igzilla]

If you think working WITH him is bad now, wait till you're working FOR him in his next contract

There is another bell cheese at work who refuses to listen to anyone else's point of view. I actually had a stand up row with him when I was presenting one time as he started arguing with me on slide 1. I have told my current boss that if he ever ends up as my boss, I will immediately and publicly start looking for a new job.

 

[dazzer6666]

Many years ago there was a bloke at our place who was given a job by his father (a senior director level) which he neither wanted nor was suited for so he tried his best to be useless but no-one would sack him for fear of incurring the wrath of the big cheese. He finally got his marching orders when he was told the customer wanted the phone "close to the piano" so he screwed it onto the side of said (valuable antique) piano.

Gold

 

[Igzilla]

Update: one of our customers, a major UK supermarket have been very keen to take some stock off our hands today. Daddy's boy sat on his arse all day doing naff all about it, despite it being stock he's managing, to a point where the account manager and replenishment manager came and sat on him to let them know how much they could offer to their customer, before the end of day deadline. He sat there and claimed he didn't know how to run the report (he does). I had to step in and tell them to contact my other colleague (even though she was in a meeting) to get the info. Jesus wept. She's fuming, the account team are fuming, we lost sales. Idiot.

 

[Badger]

Some absolutely BRILLIANT news has just come to my attention, the guy with the IRRITATING dog is going to be off for NINE weeks from this Friday. I'll have finished my contract in 8 weeks so these are the last three days of PISSY, BARKING, SQUEAKING dog.

 

[hans kraay fan club]

Back of the NET.

 

[Guinness Boy]

Some absolutely BRILLIANT news has just come to my attention, the guy with the IRRITATING dog is going to be off for NINE weeks from this Friday. I'll have finished my contract in 8 weeks so these are the last three days of PISSY, BARKING, SQUEAKING dog.

Is he taking his DOG with him though? Let's hope he hasn't KENNELED it with a colleague.

 

[Badger]

Is he taking his DOG with him though? Let's hope he hasn't KENNELED it with a colleague.

I'm not 100% on this, the first 2 weeks he is on holiday and he did send an email out asking if anyone could look after the dog whilst he's away, I'm just HOPING it's not anyone in my office. The other 7 weeks are whilst he's recovering from an operation so I guess he'll have the dog with him.


I may have been a bit HASTY in my celebrations, apparently the operation isn't CONFIRMED yet

 

[BrightonCottager]

Do any of you play Bullsh1t Bingo in meetings? You make a grid of 12 (or however many) squares, type or write in the overused and usually meaningless words or phrases that the BCs use in your company, photocopy it and then distribute it to a few trusted colleagues to tick off in a meeting. You'll need to have some codeword to use when it's completed. I'm thinking of stuff like 'going forward', 'impact' (as a verb) etc.

 

[Igzilla]

Do any of you play Bullsh1t Bingo in meetings? You make a grid of 12 (or however many) squares, type or write in the overused and usually meaningless words or phrases that the BCs use in your company, photocopy it and then distribute it to a few trusted colleagues to tick off in a meeting. You'll need to have some codeword to use when it's completed. I'm thinking of stuff like 'going forward', 'impact' (as a verb) etc.

To keep myself amused in large, conference type gatherings, I run a tally chart of inane phrases or verbal tics. It has the added benefit of making it look like I'm taking serious notes and really listening to the motivational speeches.

 

[dazzer6666]

People who, despite the 'availability' function in programs like Outlook send you an email asking you (and usually 12 others, meaning everyone 'replies all' and your inbox gets flooded) to confirm when you are available for a meeting on each of the next 15 working days. Yes I am happy to go through my calendar day by day and note down when I am available because you are too effing stupid to 'check availability' using the functionality expressly designed for that purpose.

GRRRRRRRRR

 

[spring hall convert]

People who, despite the 'availability' function in programs like Outlook send you an email asking you (and usually 12 others, meaning everyone 'replies all' and your inbox gets flooded) to confirm when you are available for a meeting on each of the next 15 working days. Yes I am happy to go through my calendar day by day and note down when I am available because you are too effing stupid to 'check availability' using the functionality expressly designed for that purpose.

GRRRRRRRRR

Scum, subhman scum.

 

[Badger]

Do any of you play Bullsh1t Bingo in meetings? You make a grid of 12 (or however many) squares, type or write in the overused and usually meaningless words or phrases that the BCs use in your company, photocopy it and then distribute it to a few trusted colleagues to tick off in a meeting. You'll need to have some codeword to use when it's completed. I'm thinking of stuff like 'going forward', 'impact' (as a verb) etc.

I used to play this for the CEO of a previous company. It was actually more of a challenge to play "understandable bingo" because he pretty much EXCLUSIVELY used business bullsh1t and I didn't have a CLUE what he was on about.



Things are mighty GOOD here though, day 2 of no dog . We have just had an email sent around inviting EVERYONE in the company to join a conference call hosted by the CEO of the parent company, I won't be dialling in.

 

[Igzilla]

My colleague has got the knives out for Daddy's Boy. She was off on Friday and gave him one job to do. He didn't do it. In fact, he phoned her up on Saturday afternoon (she was out with her mother) to tell her he had completely forgotten to do this one (time dependent) job, which she had put in BOLD RED with ASTERISKS at the start of the email (she sent me the email yesterday to show me). She goes away for a week tomorrow, so she has a 1-2-1 with our boss this afternoon.

Looking forward to hearing what was said

 

[symyjym]

My colleague has got the knives out for Daddy's Boy. She was off on Friday and gave him one job to do. He didn't do it. In fact, he phoned her up on Saturday afternoon (she was out with her mother) to tell her he had completely forgotten to do this one (time dependent) job, which she had put in BOLD RED with ASTERISKS at the start of the email (she sent me the email yesterday to show me). She goes away for a week tomorrow, so she has a 1-2-1 with our boss this afternoon.

Looking forward to hearing what was said

Some people get a thrill in sabotaging others. It is almost like an mental illness because they enjoy seeing others suffer or fail through their actions.

 

[RandyWanger]

Does anyone have a colleague who's off to Glastonbury? I can hear this girl on the phone who's told everyone she's spoken to that she's going, doesn't matter if they've called up to buy something or complain. Everyone has to know, nobber!

 

[dazzer6666]

Does anyone have a colleague who's off to Glastonbury? I can hear this girl on the phone who's told everyone she's spoken to that she's going, doesn't matter if they've called up to buy something or complain. Everyone has to know, nobber!

Yup, a couple. We're also getting deep into the tedious 'where are you going on holiday' season. Yawn......little town in Tuscany...yawn.....rented this lovely little villa..........yawn.........NOBODY has heard of it but it's SOOOO lovely.....yawn.....we get treated like locals.....yawn.........

 

[Nibble]

It's when they return from holiday that it gets worse. They're all full of newfound enthusiasm for the workplace. Bounding in all bubbly and keen. Eff off. We've all been here doing the same shite day in day out while you've been away.

 

[BlockDpete]

It's when they return from holiday that it gets worse. They're all full of newfound enthusiasm for the workplace. Bounding in all bubbly and keen. Eff off. We've all been here doing the same shite day in day out while you've been away.

You mean there are people like this? Not sure I've met anyone who likes coming back to work after holidays. These people need a kicking.

Talking about animals at work, I am getting slightly concerned at the Rentokil chap in the office, putting down those rat/mice poison boxes around the place.

 

[dazzer6666]

You mean there are people like this? Not sure I've met anyone who likes coming back to work after holidays. These people need a kicking.

Talking about animals at work, I am getting slightly concerned at the Rentokil chap in the office, putting down those rat/mice poison boxes around the place.

O/T but I caught a mouse in the office once - 5th floor of an office block. Cornered it under a colleagues desk (she was stood on said desk, screaming)