Bell Cheeses at work

[Beach Hut]

Help is loosely translated as someone to blame when it inevitably turns into a big steaming turd sat proudly in the middle of the office.

''I'm sorry, I can't spare any time at present'' is naturally the correct response.

Keep up at the back as the expression now is no spare bandwidth

 

[Codner pharmaceuticals]

Oh god, as PM it makes me very nervous when marketing ask for 'help with a project' .......

Hello Theresa

Can you put a stop to Brexit now?

Many thanks

 

[Seagull27]

I assume that stands for customer experience? Another term for user experience, user journey, and countless other things that basically mean not being shit at design? I could bore you all to tears about some of the absolute travesties I've seen in the past 18 months alone. One very prestigious IT Consultancy we recently used followed the mock up screens that our team produced. They followed them exactly. So where the chap had drawn a few buttons that didn't align properly, they actually built the system so the buttons didn't align. Having discussions with them about this is like talking to my 13-year old son.

"Why are your clean clothes all over your floor"
"What do you mean floor?"
...

The system they built is utter crap, I'm lobbying to have the tagline changed to "It may be hard to use, but at least it's slow"

Had something similar with an application a supplier built for us. Part of it was a form with multiple checkbox options, where the last one was supposed to be 'Other', with the ability to add comments in a free text box if selected.

Our spec showed something along the lines of:

Multi-select checkbox with these options:

Option A
Option B
Option C
Other (free text)

They built it exactly to spec, including having a checkbox option with the label 'Other (free text)'.

 

[Jimmehh]

I assume that stands for customer experience? Another term for user experience, user journey, and countless other things that basically mean not being shit at design? I could bore you all to tears about some of the absolute travesties I've seen in the past 18 months alone. One very prestigious IT Consultancy we recently used followed the mock up screens that our team produced. They followed them exactly. So where the chap had drawn a few buttons that didn't align properly, they actually built the system so the buttons didn't align. Having discussions with them about this is like talking to my 13-year old son.

"Why are your clean clothes all over your floor"
"What do you mean floor?"
...

The system they built is utter crap, I'm lobbying to have the tagline changed to "It may be hard to use, but at least it's slow"

Have the same issue with the design agency at my work... Never known a group of people to follow things so specifically... it's both great, and awful at the same time...

No proof reading- just copy and paste etc... nothing

 

[happypig]

We seem to have the exact opposite, we tell the developers what we want, they deliver us something that's not really fit for purpose then when we complain they want more money to put it right, which our seniors will not fund.
So we end up working with a crock of shite.

 

[FatSuperman]

Have the same issue with the design agency at my work... Never known a group of people to follow things so specifically... it's both great, and awful at the same time...

No proof reading- just copy and paste etc... nothing

But if you have to produce a spec that detailed, what value are the agency bringing?

The company I'm talking about just employed more and more people (and charged us of course). Ridiculous really. If it was about numbers I could have gone and spent a few million on thousands of tramps. They'd have done about a good a job and at least they'd have got something out of it.

 

[Jimmehh]

We seem to have the exact opposite, we tell the developers what we want, they deliver us something that's not really fit for purpose then when we complain they want more money to put it right, which our seniors will not fund.
So we end up working with a crock of shite.

We have a similar issue with another company we work with... So really, it appears my company can't figure out how to work with other businesses (but hey, £1000 per one amend is not my business).

 

[Brighthelmstone]

Hello Theresa

Can you put a stop to Brexit now?

Many thanks

I'll try, but think Dodgy Dave is more at fault than me

 

[Cheshire Cat]

Hello Theresa

Can you put a stop to Brexit now?

Many thanks

Wrong thread.

 

[Frutos]

Just had an e-mail from our "Wellbeing Team" (I had no idea such a thing existed), suggesting tips to improve our wellbeing.

The first one was that we should have an "appreciation tree" on the wall, onto which we all stick notes about how much we appreciate something that a colleague has done for us. These are then suggested to be read out at the weekly team meetings we don't have. Thankfully, the majority here are sane enough not to want to adopt such a thing.

That said, the building does have a "wellbeing room" - it's a windowless space with two beanbags in it which used to be the stationery cupboard.

 

[happypig]

Just had an e-mail from our "Wellbeing Team" (I had no idea such a thing existed), suggesting tips to improve our wellbeing.

The first one was that we should have an "appreciation tree" on the wall, onto which we all stick notes about how much we appreciate something that a colleague has done for us. These are then suggested to be read out at the weekly team meetings we don't have. Thankfully, the majority here are sane enough not to want to adopt such a thing.

That said, the building does have a "wellbeing room" - it's a windowless space with two beanbags in it which used to be the stationery cupboard.

Sack the Wellbeing team and divvy their wages up amongst the rest of the staff.

On the subject of BellCheesery, I was today invited to an event described as "Town Halling"

Needless to say I deleted it without responding.

 

[pearl]

Just had an e-mail from our "Wellbeing Team" (I had no idea such a thing existed), suggesting tips to improve our wellbeing.

The first one was that we should have an "appreciation tree" on the wall, onto which we all stick notes about how much we appreciate something that a colleague has done for us. These are then suggested to be read out at the weekly team meetings we don't have. Thankfully, the majority here are sane enough not to want to adopt such a thing.

That said, the building does have a "wellbeing room" - it's a windowless space with two beanbags in it which used to be the stationery cupboard.

a friend told me some months back that they had a Gratitude Jar at work, one morning a somewhat stressed manager hurled it across the room and smashed it
They were sent to the Wellbeing Room to calm down

 

[Norman Potting]

Just had an e-mail from our "Wellbeing Team" (I had no idea such a thing existed), suggesting tips to improve our wellbeing.

The first one was that we should have an "appreciation tree" on the wall, onto which we all stick notes about how much we appreciate something that a colleague has done for us. These are then suggested to be read out at the weekly team meetings we don't have. Thankfully, the majority here are sane enough not to want to adopt such a thing.

That said, the building does have a "wellbeing room" - it's a windowless space with two beanbags in it which used to be the stationery cupboard.

Sounds a bit '90's to me. And from that era "...Try to catch your people doing something right". Supposed to be an encouragement to give praise but presumably would fail in an office full of Bell Cheeses.

 

[Sirnormangall]

Just had an e-mail from our "Wellbeing Team" (I had no idea such a thing existed), suggesting tips to improve our wellbeing.

The first one was that we should have an "appreciation tree" on the wall, onto which we all stick notes about how much we appreciate something that a colleague has done for us. These are then suggested to be read out at the weekly team meetings we don't have. Thankfully, the majority here are sane enough not to want to adopt such a thing.

That said, the building does have a "wellbeing room" - it's a windowless space with two beanbags in it which used to be the stationery cupboard.

You have a wellbeing TEAM - not an individual - an entire team focussed on wellbeing. Your workforce must be in a dreadful state - you’re not by any chance an MP are you?

 

[Frutos]

You have a wellbeing TEAM - not an individual - an entire team focussed on wellbeing. Your workforce must be in a dreadful state - you’re not by any chance an MP are you?

I'm not.

I do work for a national organisation though, so said team does cover the whole organisation rather than just the bit of it I work in.

 

[Harry Wilson's tackle]

How very DARE you.

My opening half-hour of tea / marmite crumpet / news and NSC perusal is the BEDROCK to the start of my working day. How else am I supposed to be so erudite and well informed for you all throughout the remainder of the day ? I like to ease myself into the morning, like a probing foot into a warm moccasin slipper.

You work at home, obviously

I thank the lord that being a university academic means I am measured by teaching hours and grant income once a year and otherwise nobody gives a flying **** where I am or what I'm doing (provided said above measure are acceptable, which isn't too hard a target, to be fair).

And to buck the trend, I have a great new HoD. Her predecessor, however, is someone I'd build a waterproof shelter for, if on fire, and there was the remotest danger of a light shower.

 

[Easy 10]

You work at home, obviously

Nay.
I just have special powers here.

 

[Tim Over Whelmed]

a friend told me some months back that they had a Gratitude Jar at work, one morning a somewhat stressed manager hurled it across the room and smashed it
They were sent to the Wellbeing Room to calm down

Christ on a bike, I love having my own business, we're so far behind all of you and don't have a wellbeing room or a gratitude jar, we tend to adopt the age old practice of saying thank you or bring in a packet of biscuits.

 

[WATFORD zero]

Christ on a bike, I love having my own business, we're so far behind all of you and don't have a wellbeing room or a gratitude jar, we tend to adopt the age old practice of saying thank you or bring in a packet of biscuits.

One of the first things I learnt many many years ago - a thank you can go a long way

(But maybe not as far as a tin of chocolate biscuits or a round of Magnums in the summer )

 

[marlowe]

Just had an e-mail from our "Wellbeing Team" (I had no idea such a thing existed), suggesting tips to improve our wellbeing.

The first one was that we should have an "appreciation tree" on the wall, onto which we all stick notes about how much we appreciate something that a colleague has done for us. These are then suggested to be read out at the weekly team meetings we don't have. Thankfully, the majority here are sane enough not to want to adopt such a thing.

Indeed. Any sane person would immediately know that the most appropriate medium by which to express their appreciation would be an "appreciation spidergram". The idea that anyone would use a "tree" is absolutely ludicrous.