Bell Cheeses at work

[lawros left foot]

It's extraordinary isn't it?! Many years ago we had a work shy office girl who ate nothing but pop, crisps and chocolate in industrial quantities and then was always off sick with a 'poor tummy', which undoubtedly was the case sometimes but it's taking the piss when you're doing it to yourself so blatantly. But she was utterly useless when in and moreover too stupid to not be seen on her sick days around town. One day we called her dentist with an 'urgent message' when she said she was there all afternoon. Guess what, no appointment that day and...YOU'RE FIRED happened next day. It was good tele as they say! Stupid cow. Anyway, don't know why I'm laughing, she's probably got 17 children living in a mock Tudor paid for by our tax these days. She was of 'that type'
let's say!

I worked in the kitchen of an Insurance company based in Worthing, the head chef was a complete and utter knob, not only hated by all the staff, but he also had a personal hygiene problem of epic proportions.

He also had a second job, as chef in a Arundel pub in the evenings and some weekends,and told myself and another chef that that, in the following week the day chef at the said pub was on holiday, and they had asked him to fill in for the week.He, of course had told them that he couldn't as his first loyalty was to the Insurance company job.
Come the Minday morning, low and behold he phoned in sick, with flu that would probably take about a week to recover from.When talking to the restaurant manager, I just happened to mention that it was unfortunate for the pub, thattheir main chef was on holiday, and that their evening chef now had a bout of flu, and that they must really be struggling for staff.
The manager decided that he fancied lunch in a certain Arundel pub that day, with the assistant manager, as a witness, erm, I mean company.
The next day, the manager was advertising for a new head chef, as the last one had suddenly recovered from flu, and decided to work in an Arundel pub, instead of going into his main very well paid job.
Obviously, the staff were elated with this turn of events, and, ee now had a B.O. free staff room.

 

[bhanutz]

I worked in the kitchen of an Insurance company based in Worthing, the head chef was a complete and utter knob, not only hated by all the staff, but he also had a personal hygiene problem of epic proportions.

He also had a second job, as chef in a Arundel pub in the evenings and some weekends,and told myself and another chef that that, in the following week the day chef at the said pub was on holiday, and they had asked him to fill in for the week.He, of course had told them that he couldn't as his first loyalty was to the Insurance company job.
Come the Minday morning, low and behold he phoned in sick, with flu that would probably take about a week to recover from.When talking to the restaurant manager, I just happened to mention that it was unfortunate for the pub, thattheir main chef was on holiday, and that their evening chef now had a bout of flu, and that they must really be struggling for staff.
The manager decided that he fancied lunch in a certain Arundel pub that day, with the assistant manager, as a witness, erm, I mean company.
The next day, the manager was advertising for a new head chef, as the last one had suddenly recovered from flu, and decided to work in an Arundel pub, instead of going into his main very well paid job.
Obviously, the staff were elated with this turn of events, and, ee now had a B.O. free staff room.

No one likes a snitch!

 

[hans kraay fan club]

Very little to report here, today. CRISPS returned from lunch with a bag of maltesers. They're 'lighter' than normal chocolates aren't they, according to the advertising that they aim squarely at fat office women? Obviously a £1.50 bag like they sell (to SHARE) at the cinema, rather than the £80p bag normal people might buy in the Co-op.

Anyway, being that she's is so USELESS she managed to f_ck up opening the bag, so about 20 little (lighter) malty chocolate balls sprayed all over her desk. She panicked and flailed about trying to save them and proceeded to knock a mug of pens flying, whilst half a dozen of her precious treats rolled off the desk and on to the floor.

I was the only other one here at the time, and she can't see me from where she sits.

She reached down from her chair, and picked them all up one by one, rolled her chair forward towards her bin. Held her hand over it for a second, then reconsidered and dropped them all back into the Malteser stash on her desk, before proceeding to dive in.

The shameless fat cow.

 

[bn1&bn3 Albion]

Very little to report here, today. CRISPS returned from lunch with a bag of maltesers. They're 'lighter' than normal chocolates aren't they, according to the advertising that they aim squarely at fat office women? Obviously a £1.50 bag like they sell (to SHARE) at the cinema, rather than the £80p bag normal people might buy in the Co-op.

Anyway, being that she's is so USELESS she managed to f_ck up opening the bag, so about 20 little (lighter) malty chocolate balls sprayed all over her desk. She panicked and flailed about trying to save them and proceeded to knock a mug of pens flying, whilst half a dozen of her precious treats rolled off the desk and on to the floor.

I was the only other one here at the time, and she can't see me from where she sits.

She reached down from her chair, and picked them all up one by one, rolled her chair forward towards her bin. Held her hand over it for a second, then reconsidered and dropped them all back into the Malteser stash on her desk, before proceeding to dive in.

The shameless fat cow.

I laughed but admittedly I do buy those "share bags" and scoff them all in one sitting...

 

[lawros left foot]

No one likes a snitch!

The rest of the staff in the kitchen did, the man was an obnoxious waste of space, crap at his job, and he stank.

Anyway, I didn't snitch, i just mentioned that staffing was a problem in some Arundel pubs during the holiday, and flu season.

 

[dazzer6666]

Very little to report here, today. CRISPS returned from lunch with a bag of maltesers. They're 'lighter' than normal chocolates aren't they, according to the advertising that they aim squarely at fat office women? Obviously a £1.50 bag like they sell (to SHARE) at the cinema, rather than the £80p bag normal people might buy in the Co-op.

Anyway, being that she's is so USELESS she managed to f_ck up opening the bag, so about 20 little (lighter) malty chocolate balls sprayed all over her desk. She panicked and flailed about trying to save them and proceeded to knock a mug of pens flying, whilst half a dozen of her precious treats rolled off the desk and on to the floor.

I was the only other one here at the time, and she can't see me from where she sits.

She reached down from her chair, and picked them all up one by one, rolled her chair forward towards her bin. Held her hand over it for a second, then reconsidered and dropped them all back into the Malteser stash on her desk, before proceeding to dive in.

The shameless fat cow.

Brilliantly written, I can see it now. Literally just LOL'd

 

[portlock seagull]

I worked in the kitchen of an Insurance company based in Worthing, the head chef was a complete and utter knob, not only hated by all the staff, but he also had a personal hygiene problem of epic proportions.

He also had a second job, as chef in a Arundel pub in the evenings and some weekends,and told myself and another chef that that, in the following week the day chef at the said pub was on holiday, and they had asked him to fill in for the week.He, of course had told them that he couldn't as his first loyalty was to the Insurance company job.
Come the Minday morning, low and behold he phoned in sick, with flu that would probably take about a week to recover from.When talking to the restaurant manager, I just happened to mention that it was unfortunate for the pub, thattheir main chef was on holiday, and that their evening chef now had a bout of flu, and that they must really be struggling for staff.
The manager decided that he fancied lunch in a certain Arundel pub that day, with the assistant manager, as a witness, erm, I mean company.
The next day, the manager was advertising for a new head chef, as the last one had suddenly recovered from flu, and decided to work in an Arundel pub, instead of going into his main very well paid job.
Obviously, the staff were elated with this turn of events, and, ee now had a B.O. free staff room.

Wonderful! Epic Kama!!

 

[jakarta]

Glad to see the return of my favourite NSC Thread.

Sadly as I work from home for my 1 man band company I can't really contribute but I do keep my eyes open on Clients sites for signs of Bellcheesery.

Have to say it is usually Corporate Bellcheesery via dickish Company Garbage on Noticeboards, I wonder who writes them and how they descended into that particular circle of Hell?

 

[Bodian]

Looking forward to our annual staff conference tomorrow. I seem to have avoided the worst of the corporate bolox 'sessions', namely:

Mini Olympics of Transformation
As we continue our journey to become transformational, this workshop will explore through the use of interactive and engaging activities the key themes of transformation including leadership, communication and the avoidance of silo working. This consists of about 6 events, all with a transformation theme.

 

[dazzer6666]

Looking forward to our annual staff conference tomorrow. I seem to have avoided the worst of the corporate bolox 'sessions', namely:

Mini Olympics of Transformation
As we continue our journey to become transformational, this workshop will explore through the use of interactive and engaging activities the key themes of transformation including leadership, communication and the avoidance of silo working. This consists of about 6 events, all with a transformation theme.

Up next, increasing sales through the use of poetry and dance.......[emoji849][emoji849]

 

[Lady Whistledown]

She reached down from her chair, and picked them all up one by one, rolled her chair forward towards her bin. Held her hand over it for a second, then reconsidered and dropped them all back into the Malteser stash on her desk, before proceeding to dive in.

The shameless fat cow.

Hmmmm. There is little doubt this lady is occupying a prominent position in the all-time League of Bellcheesery.

However. Call me a RIGHT OLD TRAMP, but if I dropped the contents of a Maltesers bag on the office carpet, I freely admit I'd be considering the old Five Second Rule, and possibly even contemplating extending it to ten seconds. It's not like she's dropped them on the floor of a public toilet, or even on the pavement outside, I assume. It's just the carpet. And it's an ENTIRE BAG of precious chocolate.

Maybe it's because you're a CHAP, that your understanding of the need for chocolate is slightly lacking. Or maybe you just work in a FILTHY office. But I've got to say- sorry, by the way- on this one, I think I'm with her. We all need a few germs to keep us strong, right? And a fair bit of chocolate.

 

[PILTDOWN MAN]

Looking forward to our annual staff conference tomorrow. I seem to have avoided the worst of the corporate bolox 'sessions', namely:

Mini Olympics of Transformation
As we continue our journey to become transformational, this workshop will explore through the use of interactive and engaging activities the key themes of transformation including leadership, communication and the avoidance of silo working. This consists of about 6 events, all with a transformation theme.

My wholehearted intrinsic feelings go to you as you cascade ideas through the waterfall and hit ears within the waterfall. Transform your thinking into a pyramid of ideas with a pinnacle of achievement. Glory in your goals and enjoy the satisfaction of hitting targets, personal and professional. Well done!

 

[Norman Potting]

Welcome back old friend - for some reason i seemed to have missed a month or so if it's postings. Now catching up and Lol!

 

[kevo]

Not as silly as a girl who took a sickie after being told she couldn't take holiday only to be seen at ladies day at the races dressed up in her best outfit downing champagne and nibbles in the best of health.

It took sometime but was eventually dismissed.

Years ago I worked at a company where a married guy was having an affair with a girl in the office. The guy's wife was heavily pregnant at the time. The girl had booked a day off holiday which she intended to spend with him, so the fella called in sick in the morning claiming that his preggers wife was poorly. He was given the day off.

But then in the afternoon, his boss rang his home number to see if he was able to come in the following day. And, of course, his not-so-ill wife answered the phone......

Both the fella and the girl were sacked first thing the following morning (bit harsh on her, I thought!).

I also used to work at a well-known newspaper where one of the senior sports reporters used to do a nice sideline in unapproved freelance work, which he would sell to agencies. His work attendance record was appalling. One day he was off sick yet again when some guys in the sports room were watching a press conference from Barcelona. As the camera panned away from the subject to show the journalists in attendance, there was our man, notepad at the ready.... I don't think we ever saw him again.

 

[Gwylan]

All this talk of people being caught red-handed working where they shouldn't be has reminded me of the time I got one of our journalists writing for a rival magazine ... while actually working in our office. He remains the only person that I've ever sacked

 

[Easy 10]

Looking forward to our annual staff conference tomorrow. I seem to have avoided the worst of the corporate bolox 'sessions', namely:

Mini Olympics of Transformation
As we continue our journey to become transformational, this workshop will explore through the use of interactive and engaging activities the key themes of transformation including leadership, communication and the avoidance of silo working. This consists of about 6 events, all with a transformation theme.

What an almighty great hefty 24 carat slab of meaningless corporate OMNIBOLLOCKS.

Just the words "workshop", "interactive" and "engaging" has me breaking out in pus-filled BOILS of pure unaldulterated ANGST. I would literally rather hack my own bellend off with a rusty teaspoon than attend so much as 45 minutes of this cataclysmic clusterfvck of abject corporate dullard brainwashing.

I mean what, in the name of holy FRIG, is "silo working" anyway ? If you actually know - don't tell me. I don't give a shit, and you will be dead to me.

 

[Norman Potting]

What an almighty great hefty 24 carat slab of meaningless corporate OMNIBOLLOCKS.

Just the words "workshop", "interactive" and "engaging" has me breaking out in pus-filled BOILS of pure unaldulterated ANGST. I would literally rather hack my own bellend off with a rusty teaspoon than attend so much as 45 minutes of this cataclysmic clusterfvck of abject corporate dullard brainwashing.

I mean what, in the name of holy FRIG, is "silo working" anyway ? If you actually know - don't tell me. I don't give a shit, and you will be dead to me.

Rant of the day and it wasn't even an hour old when posted!

 

[dazzer6666]

What an almighty great hefty 24 carat slab of meaningless corporate OMNIBOLLOCKS.

Just the words "workshop", "interactive" and "engaging" has me breaking out in pus-filled BOILS of pure unaldulterated ANGST. I would literally rather hack my own bellend off with a rusty teaspoon than attend so much as 45 minutes of this cataclysmic clusterfvck of abject corporate dullard brainwashing.

I mean what, in the name of holy FRIG, is "silo working" anyway ? If you actually know - don't tell me. I don't give a shit, and you will be dead to me.

Excellent work, hope you have a great day [emoji106][emoji23][emoji23][emoji23]

 

[Lower West Stander]

A slightly different angle last night.

I was on my way home on the train and my eyes were drawn to the work the guy sitting next to me was doing.

He was classic Laptop Train Man. His laptop was the size of a mini PC and he was hammering away at the keys doing a PowerPoint slide.

He was doing the same slide for an hour and it was awful. I won't mention the company but the main point of the slide was "to increase market penetration from 30 to 32%"

There followed a list of bullet points Steve Austin would not have been able to read with a bionic eye.

I left him to it. Poor sods at that presentation will have rough time.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

[jakarta]

A slightly different angle last night.

I was on my way home on the train and my eyes were drawn to the work the guy sitting next to me was doing.

He was classic Laptop Train Man. His laptop was the size of a mini PC and he was hammering away at the keys doing a PowerPoint slide.

He was doing the same slide for an hour and it was awful. I won't mention the company but the main point of the slide was "to increase market penetration from 30 to 32%"

There followed a list of bullet points Steve Austin would not have been able to read with a bionic eye.

I left him to it. Poor sods at that presentation will have rough time.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I have to disagree, its attention to detail like this that keeps a company at the cutting edge. In fact I can see another Fred Goodwin on the rise...