[NSC] Bell Cheeses at Home

[Iggle Piggle]

Well, given we are all going to be encouraged to work from home, I guess we need a new thread for moaning about work related issues

Have you seen that episode of Minder on ITV4 5 times before?
Is the wife talking bollox all day which is normally directed at some poor sod in the office?
Who are these dopey sods who are looking to emigrate to Australia?
Is it illegal to gaffer tape my kids to keep them quiet?
What is that tat they have bought on Flog it and how on earth do they expect to make a profit?

And of course moaning about the Dog.

I guess this is the thread for you.

 

[southstandandy]

The cat keeps pestering me for food

 

[Harry Wilson's tackle]

Great thread

Well, it's the cat isn't it? Wants to go out, wants to come in again. How am I expected to work under such conditions?

 

[PILTDOWN MAN]

Great thread

Well, it's the cat isn't it? Wants to go out, wants to come in again. How am I expected to work under such conditions?

My cat lovvves wzzzzzzzzzalking acroses the kyeboadr

 

[dazzer6666]

Didn’t realise so many cars turned round in our driveway
I need to get a better air rifle to deal with the rats and squirrels
My retired next door neighbour knows I’m at home so is prone to popping round. Unfortunately he can’t see the small bluetooth earpiece I wear when I’m on videoconference so will bang on the window regardless (the guy who runs my Asian team heard him shout ‘do you want some new potatoes’ to me for example [emoji23][emoji23])

Worst of all though, there’s no sport to have on in the background, and the radio is dogshite without any sport being talked about.

 

[studio150]

Why has my neighbour decided to have new paving slabs in his garden, I keep the backdoor open due to the noise.
Why I have I become a delivery hub for my neighbours who are not at home

 

[LamieRobertson]

Didn’t realise so many cars turned round in our driveway
I need to get a better air rifle to deal with them
My retired next door neighbour knows I’m at home so is prone to popping round. Unfortunately he can’t see the small bluetooth earpiece I wear when I’m on videoconference so will bang on the window regardless (the guy who runs my Asian team heard him shout ‘do you want some new potatoes’ to me for example [emoji23][emoji23])

Worst of all though, there’s no sport to have on in the background, and the radio is dogshite without any sport being talked about.

Slight amendment

 

[dazzer6666]

Slight amendment

Thanks - improvement [emoji106]

 

[Iggle Piggle]

Only 45 minutes till Homes under the Hammer lads. Stay strong.

 

[Westdene Seagull]

Great thread

Well, it's the cat isn't it? Wants to go out, wants to come in again. How am I expected to work under such conditions?

Be grateful, got up this morning to find one of mine had decided to throw up on the door mat - lovely 6am surprise ! Maybe he's got Corona ?

 

[Stat Brother]

Only 45 minutes till Homes under the Hammer lads. Stay strong.

***SPOILER ALERT***

 

[SK1NT]

Baby crying in the flat upstairs

And one of the shitty cats brought in an unprecedented 3 little mice this morning... little shits

 

[Bozza]

Baby crying in the flat upstairs

Maybe it's time you went and asked to have it back?

 

[Ninja Elephant]

My dad is having a curry, it's 10:15am, what's that about?! He gets up early, fair enough - but Christ man, that's bonkers. My next question is what unGodly hour will he be tucking in a sarnie later on?! It's only a degree under madness, not to mention the Sky News marathon he's currently watching on TV. I have real concerns about his behaviour!

 

[ozzygull]

I have worked from home for three years now. I am lucky I had a spare room that I could turn in to an office so I can keep work separate from the rest of house.
I know this is a tongue in cheek thread but here are my top tips for home working

If you have it, find a place where you will not be distracted.
shower/bath and get dressed before starting work, obviously does not have be smart office wear, but to a level that if there is an impromptu video conference call or needed pop down the shops, you would be OK.
Do not have any food at your desk but have something to drink.
Take a lunch break and eat it away from where you are working.
No TV on, but radio or music streaming is good.
Keep in contact with your work colleagues the same as you would if you were in the office, using collaboration tools.
Stay off NSC (balls! broken my own rule)

I don't think home working is for everyone, but I don't think I would like to go back to being full time in an office now. When I do I find the distractions irritating and I have got used to my own company.

 

[mikeyjh]

Who are these dopey sods who are looking to emigrate to Australia?

Mate, you've not lived until you've spent an hour watching a couple from South Wales who've never been further south than Barry deciding that they're struggles to afford the mortgage their 2 bed Merthyr Tydfil terrace will be resolved by moving to the other side of the world, key phrases to look out for:-

"It's always been my dream to move to Australia" - Watched Neighbours a lot in the 90s
"It's such a laidback outdoor lifestyle" - Watched Neighbours a lot in the 90s
"Everyone is so friendly" - Watched Neighbours a lot in the 90s
"I'll get paid DOUBLE my UK salary!!!" Haven't done the bit of the programme where they list out the cost of living yet.

Oh, and they never mention any cost of moving or visiting relatives. You will end up shouting at the tele.

 

[Mellotron]

Giving WFH a go now - unfortunately my son has just hit the terrible twos pretty hard - previously an angelic child, now throws tantrums at the littlest things. Will see how we get on.

 

[BNthree]

Still being told to come into the office. Management know the WFH remote system can't cope with the capacity so are delaying as long as possible.

 

[Weststander]

I just experienced a bizarre parcel/letters exchange routine with the postman. Initiated by him and executed with full outstretched arms by both of us.

 

[Iggle Piggle]

Mate, you've not lived until you've spent an hour watching a couple from South Wales who've never been further south than Barry deciding that they're struggles to afford the mortgage their 2 bed Merthyr Tydfil terrace will be resolved by moving to the other side of the world, key phrases to look out for:-

"It's always been my dream to move to Australia" - Watched Neighbours a lot in the 90s
"It's such a laidback outdoor lifestyle" - Watched Neighbours a lot in the 90s
"Everyone is so friendly" - Watched Neighbours a lot in the 90s
"I'll get paid DOUBLE my UK salary!!!" Haven't done the bit of the programme where they list out the cost of living yet.

Oh, and they never mention any cost of moving or visiting relatives. You will end up shouting at the tele.

It's the fake Job convo that gets me every time

"We'd love to employ you here and we'd give you 50,000 Aus $"

Knowing full well, they never get a Visa for someone to sing in a boozer and pay the pie in the sky wages on offer but Dave from Dudley starts seeing pound notes and then shows a New Zealand flag as to where he wants to live.

The other day some South African Doris had moved to England, Back to South Africa, Back to England and now wanted to move to New Zealand as she had decided that she liked neither place. The kids and husband - whose life looked like the worst kind of human misery possible - trudged around after her as she turned her nose up at houses she couldn't afford agreeing with anything she said through fear of disagreeing. I was so annoyed I had to turn over to The Sweeney on ITV4