Beat the limerick

[AmexRuislip]

Roses are red violets are blue,
I'm a schizophrenic,
and so am I.

 

[Jack Straw]

Roses are red violets are blue,
I'm a surrealalist,
fish.

 

[Lady Whistledown]

There was an old girl from Devizes
Brought up at the local Assizes
For teaching young boys
Matrimonial joys
And offering blow jobs as prizes.

 

[supaseagull]

Roses are green, violets are Yellow
I'm colour blind so stop taking the piss

 

[Lady Whistledown]

There was a young woman from Yale
Who offered her body for sale
For the sake of the blind
She tattooed her behind
With a full range of prices in Braille.

 

[Diego Napier]

There was an old girl from Devizes
Brought up at the local Assizes
For teaching young boys
Matrimonial joys
And offering blow jobs as prizes.

There was also a young girl from Devizes
Whose knockers were two different sizes
One so small
Hardly there at all
The other was huge and won prizes

 

[Diego Napier]

There was an old girl from Devizes
Brought up at the local Assizes
For teaching young boys
Matrimonial joys
And offering blow jobs as prizes.

or perhaps a bit closer to home Edna:

A policeman from near Clapham junction
Had a p*nis that just wouldn't function
For the whole of his life
He misled his poor wife
With some snot on the end of his truncheon

 

[Prince Monolulu]

There once was a man from Brighton
Who said to his girl, "You're a tight one"
She said, "Pardon my soul,
But you're in the wrong hole.
There's plenty of room in the right one."

 

[Grombleton]

There once was a man from Cosham,
Who took off his bollocks to wash them,
His wife said "Jack,
If you don't put them back,
I'll stamp on your bollocks and squash them".

 

[Daffy Duck]

There once was a young man from Kent
Whose d**k was all twisted and bent
So to cause him less trouble, he bent it up double
And instead of coming, he went.

 

[The Antikythera Mechanism]

There once was a man from Leeds,
who swallowed a packet of seeds,
within half an hour,
his dick was a flower,
and his balls were all covered with weeds

 

[Hampden Park]

there was a young man from Australia
who painted his bum like a dahlia
a penny a look, is all he took
cause tuppence a smell was a failure

 

[Hampden Park]

there was a young lady from eeling
who had a peculiar feeling
she laid on her back
opened her crack
and pissed all over the ceiling

 

[Herr Tubthumper]

I'm surprised Attila hasnt posted some of his limericks yet.

 

[Cadiz Seagull]

One day, whilst mixing rose madder,
Titian's model ascended a ladder.
Her position, to Titian,
Suggested coition,
So he nipped up the ladder and 'ad 'er.

 

[Mellotron]

Roses are red
Bacon is also red
Poems are hard
Bacon

 

[Gary Leeds]

There once was a hermit named Dave
Who Kept a dead whore in his cave
She was missing a tit
She smelled like shit
But think of the money he saved

There once was a man from Balan
Who thought stroking his penis was grand
Then he stared with distaste
At the gelatinous paste
That he found in the palm of his hand

There once was a woman from Purdue
Who had nothing better to do
So she sat on the stairs
Counted c**t hairs
Four thousand three hundred and two!

 

[Muhammad - I’m hard - Bruce Lee]

There was a young man from Dundee
Who got stung on the neck by a wasp
When asked 'did it hurt?'
he said 'no not much'
'It can do it again if it likes'

 

[seagullwedgee]

There was a young lady from Dallas
Used a dynamite stick for a phallus.
They found her vagina
In North Carolina
And bits of her tits at the palace.

 

[Blue Valkyrie]

There once was a man from Nantucket....

One for 'the other stuff' probably