[Humour] Bad (/good?) Christmas jokes

[Giraffe]

Knock knock

Who's there

Interupting cow

Inter- MOOOOOOOOOOO


*Princess Charlotte and my daughter's favourite joke. Also works with other animals and you can almost fill a Worthing to Brighton car trip with them...

 

[pasty]

 

[Albion my Albion]

What do you call a kid who doesn’t believe in Santa?

A rebel without a Claus.

 

[Albion my Albion]

What do you call a bunch of chess players bragging about their games in a hotel lobby?


Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.

 

[METALMICKY]

What do you call a bunch of chess players bragging about their games in a hotel lobby?


Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.

Surely they need to be Irish too?

 

[maffew]

Why do computer programmers mix Christmas up with Halloween?

Cos DEC-25 = OCT-31

 

[The Wookiee]

This one is rude, so beware!

Why is Father Christmas such a lousy lover?

Because he only comes once a year, down a chimney and it ends up in your stocking.

I thought the joke was-

Why has Father Christmas got such a large sack ?

Because he only comes once a year

 

[el punal]

I thought the joke was-

Why has Father Christmas got such a large sack ?

Because he only comes once a year

No, that’s a postman when he starts his delivery, then mightily relieved when his sack is empty.

 

[Bodian]

No, that’s a postman when he starts his delivery, then mightily relieved when his sack is empty.

Every day though? Blimey.

 

[AmexRuislip]

Why was the snowman smiling?


He'd just seen the snowblower coming down the road.

 

[Eeyore]

Father Christmas has made a list, checked it once, and checked it twice. Then left it on the table for the elves

Father Christmas can no longer afford his sleigh as he was fined for being in breach of the Data Protection and Digital Information (No. 2) Bill 2022-23

 

[OzMike]

What's round, white and giggles ?
A tickled onion.

 

[Shropshire Seagull]

Two snowmen in a field. One says, "Can you smell carrots?"

 

[B-right-on]

What do you call an old snowman?


A puddle.

 

[Harry Wilson's tackle]

Not really a joke but a warning.

Santa is an anagram of Satan.

 

[Brovion]

Not really a joke but a warning.

Santa is an anagram of Satan.

...

Oh, that's my joke about the dyslexic devil worshipper: sold his soul to Santa

 

[maltaseagull]

Merry Christmas?

It snowed last night...



8:00 am: I made a snowman.

8:10 - A feminist passed by and asked me why I didn't make a snow woman.

8:15 - So, I made a snow woman.

8:17 - My feminist neighbour complained about the snow woman's voluptuous chest saying it objectified snow women everywhere.

8:20 - The gay couple living nearby threw a hissy fit and moaned it could have been two snow men instead.

8:22 - The transgender man…women...person asked why I didn't just make one snow person with detachable parts.

8:25 - The vegans at the end of the lane complained about the carrot nose, as veggies are food and not to decorate snow figures with.

8:28 - I was being called a racist because the snow couple were white.

8:31 - The middle eastern gent across the road demanded the snow woman be covered up .

8:40 - The Police arrived saying someone had been offended.

8:42 - The feminist neighbour complained again that the broomstick of the snow woman needed to be removed because it depicted women in a domestic role.

8:43 - The council equality officer arrived and threatened me with eviction.

8:45 - TV news crew from BBC showed up. I was asked if I know the difference between snowmen and snow-women? I replied "Snowballs" and am now called a sexist.

9:00 - I was on the News as a suspected terrorist, racist, homophobe sensibility offender, bent on stirring up trouble during difficult weather.

9:10 - I was asked if I have any accomplices. My children were taken by social services.

9:29 - Far left protesters offended by everything marched down the street demanding for me to be arrested.



By noon it all melted Moral: There is no moral to this story. It is what we have become, all because of snowflakes

Sadly it seems almost credible these days.