Bad Friday joke

[Woodingdean Gull]

Sorry, this is dreadful -



Five Englishmen in an Audi Quattro arrived at an Irish border
checkpoint. Paddy the officer stops them and tells them: "It is illegal
to put 5 people in a Quattro, Quattro means four"

"Quattro is just the name of the automobile," the Englishmen retorts
disbelievingly. "Look at the papers: this car is designed to carry five
persons."

"You can not pull that one on me," replies Paddy "Quattro means four.
You have five people in your car and you are therefore breaking the law"

The Englishmen replies angrily, "You idiot! Call your supervisor over I
want to speak to someone with more intelligence.

"Sorry," responds Paddy, "Murphy is busy with 2 guys in a Fiat Uno."

 

[Napper]

don't get it

 

[Commander]

That is terrible.

 

[Fourteenth Eye]

TAXI

 

[Scoffers]

I have heard worse !

 

[Trigger]

So poor you have to laugh!!!

 

[The Large One]

Dreadful.

 

[Bry Nylon]

I recently applied to become a Circus Dog.

You wouldn't believe the number of hoops they make you jump through.

 

[Stinkers Bridge]

Which Irish border was it?

 

[Hoggy]

slightly amusing

 

[hans kraay fan club]

slightly amusing

Are you head-mental?

 

[pasty]

Which Irish border was it?

Collie ?

 

[Juan Albion]

Sorry, this is dreadful -



Five Englishmen in an Audi Quattro arrived at an Irish border
checkpoint. Paddy the officer stops them and tells them: "It is illegal
to put 5 people in a Quattro, Quattro means four"

"Quattro is just the name of the automobile," the Englishmen retorts
disbelievingly. "Look at the papers: this car is designed to carry five
persons."

"You can not pull that one on me," replies Paddy "Quattro means four.
You have five people in your car and you are therefore breaking the law"

The Englishmen replies angrily, "You idiot! Call your supervisor over I
want to speak to someone with more intelligence.

"Sorry," responds Paddy, "Murphy is busy with 2 guys in a Fiat Uno."

Last time it was a bad Wednesday joke. I don't think it is any better on a Friday.

http://www.northstandchat.biz/showthread.php?s=&threadid=60479

 

[NMH]

It does exactly what it says on the tin.

Bad Friday joke, and it's a long time til Good Friday comes around.

 

[Lokki 7]

I parked in a disabled parking space the other day. A traffic warden spotted me and asked "what's your disability?" I replied, "Tourettes you ****, now f*** off."

 

[The Large One]

I parked in a disabled parking space the other day. A traffic warden spotted me and asked "what's your disability?" I replied, "Tourettes you ****, now f*** off."

Not dissimilar to the old story of a reporter asking Sammy Davis Jr about his golf.

'What's your handicap?' he said.

'Well, I'm a one-eyed black Jew for a start...'

 

[hans kraay fan club]

My favourite golf one is from the Dunhill Pro-Am thing a couple of years ago.

They had given each of the celebs a club member to act as a caddy and help them round the course [I think it was Carnoustie].

It is fair to say that some of them did not hold particularly high opinions of said celebs.

Hugh Grant sent his tee shot on a par 4 some 150 yards up the fairway, then on reaching the ball asked his caddy "Do you think I have a shot to the green from here?"

The old boy replies "Mr.Grant, I think you have several shots to the green from here"

 

[seven stands]

Husband and wife are sitting quietly in bed reading when the wife looks over at him and asks the question.

WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?

HUSBAND: "Definitely not!"

WIFE: "Why not? Don't you like being married?"

HUSBAND: "Of course I do."

WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?"

HUSBAND: "Okay, okay, I'd get married again."

WIFE: "You would?" (with a hurt look)

HUSBAND: (makes audible groan)

WIFE: "Would you live in our house?"

HUSBAND: "Sure, it's a great house."

WIFE: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?"

HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?"

WIFE: "Would you let her drive my car?"

HUSBAND: "Probably, it is almost new."

WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?"

HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do"

WIFE: "Would you give her my jewelry?"

HUSBAND: "No, I'm sure she'd want her own."

WIFE: "Would you take her golfing with you?

HUSBAND: "Yes, those are always good times."

WIFE: "Would she use my clubs?

HUSBAND: "No, she's left-handed."

WIFE: -- silence --
HUSBAND: "shit."

 

[RM-Taylor]

 

[Shropshire Seagull]

I've just auditioned for a major part in a new Lassie film.

I'm gonna play the lead ....