[Misc] Autism - Neurodiversity

[Rambo]

The learning, then going back to square one is a familiar theme. Our boy had just got to the stage of putting a pre-loaded spoon to his mouth, when for whatever reason decided he no longer wants to do that. Now he won’t take any food off a spoon at all and will only eat finger foods.

As for PEC’s, well we have tried that too, with zero success. It seems it’s much easier for him to lead us, by the hand, then select pictures, to show his needs. For him, it’s like, why show them a picture of my drinks botlle, when I can just give them the bottle to meet my needs.

As for help, it is limited, but as mentioned, autism is such a broad spectrum (sic) that it is difficult to provide help for all…

I bought him a football for Christmas (A world cup one, made me happy!) - I started playing with it with him and was amazed in January that he started to go collect it and bring it back to me, chuckling and loving it. Forward on 2 months and he now wont even play with me. Just bounces it on his own. It just breaks my heart.

Sounds very much like we are on similar journeys.

 

[Harry Wilson's tackle]

I bought him a football for Christmas (A world cup one, made me happy!) - I started playing with it with him and was amazed in January that he started to go collect it and bring it back to me, chuckling and loving it. Forward on 2 months and he now wont even play with me. Just bounces it on his own. It just breaks my heart.

Sounds very much like we are on similar journeys.

Perhaps sometimes we feel the need to be left alone. It may be selfish. I need that and I am someone can generally interact quite well.

If I had a billion thoughts going through my head, and my thoughts were cut from my ability to talk....angry...hostile, rejecting...yes I would be.

Don't despair. Allow space and always remind yourself there is someone in there who feels like they are living in a box. And they probably can't 'read' you. Just be kind and expect nothing in return. May sound harsh, but it is duty.

 

[PILTDOWN MAN]

I bought him a football for Christmas (A world cup one, made me happy!) - I started playing with it with him and was amazed in January that he started to go collect it and bring it back to me, chuckling and loving it. Forward on 2 months and he now wont even play with me. Just bounces it on his own. It just breaks my heart.

My heart goes out to you and your family.

I mentioned my daughter and her fight to get help for her children in a post above. She's actually my step daughter and my step son now 32 both struggled when children. My step son especially is without doubt autistic albeit low level. The main issue he had was the re-learning all the time. This was obvious at the return to school post holiday. When it came to his last two years at school and him deciding options I had a huge task with the school in lowering the amount of subjects he had to complete. He is a superb artist, pencil drawing, and now working as a barman he has a huge knowledge of wine.

Awareness is key and I'm sure I'm not alone in saying I hope you continue to post about your son on here, if nothing else but to get some of your frustrations out.

All the best

 

[Right Brain Ronnie]

Hi, I won't apologise for mis spelling or lack of grammar on this Fred , or my going off at tangents, as I am dyslexic and ADHD and spent most of my written life I have wasted time to please others. Well fck me we can't all be perfect at everything in life!
I know my weaknesses and more importantly I know my strengths.

I am a very slow reader with poor comprehension with reading written work....however people in life can not look past this and assume low iq......very wrong.
People have under estimated me all my life because they perceive they are smarter than me, in the most these guys have taken a full on bashing. Arrogance, why do they do it?

I read people very well, I communicate verbally with skill and empathy and been stealth like to achieve my goals. I see pattern very well also, where others can't see them at all and never will. When I look at problems this set my juices to flow, I bite them, i chew them, I gargle them, I swallow them.
Most neurotypicals have one one answer, sometimes there is only one, but the time I have hyper focussed on the problem in hand and looked at every option viable,I will come up with more diverse solutions that most would deem as impossible.

So that is just a snippet about me.


Does anyone else align with me on here?

 

[Brovion]

I am reading back through this thread today for some comfort.

My son, who is 4 next month is non verbal autistic and has severe learning difficulties.

The last few weeks have been really testing for me and my wife. He is on a keto diet because he has severe epilepsy, this mean my wife is up to midnight most nights cooking.

The reality of our life going forward has really set in recently, we have always held out hope but as time goes on that hope gets less and less.

The effect it is having on our family and my 6 yr old daughter is so hard to bare.

To see my son in so much distress is heartbreaking, feeling a bit lost at the moment.

These poor kids are locked in a world of their own with no escape, a gift it is not.

World autism day on Sunday. It’s great but the vast majority have no interest and no need to have interest. I am not angry at that, it is what it is.

I clicked that I 'liked' your post, but that sounds so trite. What I mean is that although I have no real idea what you and your family are going through I can sympathise and empathise and say it sounds like living hell. 'Rambo' in the films never had to face the challenges you face, and there's is nothing I can do or say that will help you in the slightest. All I can do is wish you all the very best, and hang in there. I sincerely hope you get all the help and support you need.

Same goes for all of you in a similar position.

 

[BadFish]

Hi, I won't apologise for mis spelling or lack of grammar on this Fred , or my going off at tangents, as I am dyslexic and ADHD and spent most of my written life I have wasted time to please others. Well fck me we can't all be perfect at everything in life!
I know my weaknesses and more importantly I know my strengths.

I am a very slow reader with poor comprehension with reading written work....however people in life can not look past this and assume low iq......very wrong.
People have under estimated me all my life because they perceive they are smarter than me, in the most these guys have taken a full on bashing. Arrogance, why do they do it?

I read people very well, I communicate verbally with skill and empathy and been stealth like to achieve my goals. I see pattern very well also, where others can't see them at all and never will. When I look at problems this set my juices to flow, I bite them, i chew them, I gargle them, I swallow them.
Most neurotypicals have one one answer, sometimes there is only one, but the time I have hyper focussed on the problem in hand and looked at every option viable,I will come up with more diverse solutions that most would deem as impossible.

So that is just a snippet about me.


Does anyone else align with me on here?

I can align a little with you here, I have worked with lots of ADHD and dyslexic kids and always felt that these were the kids at school in my day who would have been underestimated and written off as thick. What I see though is people that have incredible focus in certain situations, amazing energy and drive.

I am also working out my own inattentive ADHD at the moment, Really interesting (and somewhat frustrating) as I have changed job and finding that I am somewhat back to the kid staring out of the window and living in a dream world.

My daughter is also Dyslexic (and autistic) and is incredibly bright and skilled in many areas. She is working though confidence at school and I am proud to say that she looks like not letting anything hold her back.

 

[Harry Wilson's tackle]

Hi, I won't apologise for mis spelling or lack of grammar on this Fred , or my going off at tangents, as I am dyslexic and ADHD and spent most of my written life I have wasted time to please others. Well fck me we can't all be perfect at everything in life!
I know my weaknesses and more importantly I know my strengths.

I am a very slow reader with poor comprehension with reading written work....however people in life can not look past this and assume low iq......very wrong.
People have under estimated me all my life because they perceive they are smarter than me, in the most these guys have taken a full on bashing. Arrogance, why do they do it?

I read people very well, I communicate verbally with skill and empathy and been stealth like to achieve my goals. I see pattern very well also, where others can't see them at all and never will. When I look at problems this set my juices to flow, I bite them, i chew them, I gargle them, I swallow them.
Most neurotypicals have one one answer, sometimes there is only one, but the time I have hyper focussed on the problem in hand and looked at every option viable,I will come up with more diverse solutions that most would deem as impossible.

So that is just a snippet about me.


Does anyone else align with me on here?

Yes. Lateral thinking and problem solving has ended up with me having a share in a patent on a new drug. Luckily I don't have language issues, but I struggle with ambiguity. There again, my dad was told I would be put in the 'backward' class when I was 7, because I had been writing with 'wobbley' letters. I was simply bored.

Because my background is working class I have repeatedly had English people look down their nose at me (not these days though - society has changed; albeit I don't hang around with party political conservatives...). Four years abroad taught me this behaviour is just an English power/domination class thing and I learned to stand up to all that by the time I came back to London.

I think you see, like I (now) do that 'it' is their problem. I don't do well with ambiguity, wishy washy instructions, forms that don't make sense, confidential document access that doesn't work, and people who don't respond. I can see problems with documents and process that others can't. My attitude now is 'fix it or I'm not playing any more'. Only yesterday I resugned as external examiner at a UK uni because of their tomfoolery. Ironically I heard yesterday that Birmingham health care trust has just been done for a toxic culture - I resigned 4 years ago as external examiner at their med school because they were autocratic and incompetent. Fancy that!

But there comes a downside to being self confident. Don't know about you but I can be an obnoxious **** when I think I'm dealing with tomfoolery, and I even though I can, like you, read people well (when they are not dissembling) I can missread people badly, especially when they are upset about something and not sharing. I am trying to be more.....careful. I'm in the longest relationship I have ever maintained (10 years) so my efforts seem to be working....although Mrs T has given me a couple of ultimatums, to be fair.

Best wishes!

 

[Right Brain Ronnie]

I can align a little with you here, I have worked with lots of ADHD and dyslexic kids and always felt that these were the kids at school in my day who would have been underestimated and written off as thick. What I see though is people that have incredible focus in certain situations, amazing energy and drive.

I am also working out my own inattentive ADHD at the moment, Really interesting (and somewhat frustrating) as I have changed job and finding that I am somewhat back to the kid staring out of the window and living in a dream world.

My daughter is also Dyslexic (and autistic) and is incredibly bright and skilled in many areas. She is working though confidence at school and I am proud to say that she looks like not letting anything hold her back.

Yes, School was an arse for me I was good a PE, Art and not bad at maths either, this is where my problem skills come in. That said a simply maths question which I know the answer too or could work it out, I could easily get wrong by switching the numbers or missing out the NOT word within the question, which cost me dear when it came to TIMED exams.

My ADHD is probably like you say the most frustrating thing as I can be so on it that most won't live with me, but if it's a task that bores me or I struggle with I can go missing in action.

That said I have built businesses and sold at the right time to make some lump sums.
So ADHD I am a bit of a hare, sometimes I wish I were a tortoise, and not taking a quick nap at the base of a tree.
It all depends on whether I am hitting my dopamine requirements. Yes I can align with you, I also have a son and daughter that both have a near carbon copy of what I do. Dad, I have sussed is dyslexic mum is adhd and grandfather dad's side was dyslexic too, although no tests were done it does take Einstein to work it out!

I must try and do shorter posts as it is knackering my brain to read this, but I am passionate about these unseen strengths that get overlooked by the "typicals!"

Excellent thread by the way.

 

[Right Brain Ronnie]

Yes. Lateral thinking and problem solving has ended up with me having a share in a patent on a new drug. Luckily I don't have language issues, but I struggle with ambiguity. There again, my dad was told I would be put in the 'backward' class when I was 7, because I had been writing with 'wobbley' letters. I was simply bored.

Because my background is working class I have repeatedly had English people look down their nose at me (not these days though - society has changed; albeit I don't hang around with party political conservatives...). Four years abroad taught me this behaviour is just an English power/domination class thing and I learned to stand up to all that by the time I came back to London.

I think you see, like I (now) do that 'it' is their problem. I don't do well with ambiguity, wishy washy instructions, forms that don't make sense, confidential document access that doesn't work, and people who don't respond. I can see problems with documents and process that others can't. My attitude now is 'fix it or I'm not playing any more'. Only yesterday I resugned as external examiner at a UK uni because of their tomfoolery. Ironically I heard yesterday that Birmingham health care trust has just been done for a toxic culture - I resigned 4 years ago as external examiner at their med school because they were autocratic and incompetent. Fancy that!

But there comes a downside to being self confident. Don't know about you but I can be an obnoxious **** when I think I'm dealing with tomfoolery, and I even though I can, like you, read people well (when they are not dissembling) I can missread people badly, especially when they are upset about something and not sharing. I am trying to be more.....careful. I'm in the longest relationship I have ever maintained (10 years) so my efforts seem to be working....although Mrs T has given me a couple of ultimatums, to be fair.

Best wishes!

I hope that drug can change the thinking of those who discriminate against the neurodiverse!

I too come from a working class.

What country told made you feel like this?

We too align, can't stand people not responding to me or putting me off, I need answers to finish things off otherwise they stay as unfinished in my mind and too many unfinished things in my mind will overwhelm me at times which can shutdown my productivity.
I do have a problem with disloyalty as I am a loyal "all in friend" and I expect every friend to be the same so I keep my true friends to a quality bunch!

Fortunately I have empathy by the bucket load and relationships are good and long-term with me.

I have a beef with a shit stirring arse at the moment that has been after my job for sometime he sucks people like no tomorrow. I have shown I am the best in this environment with results to show that. But a few weeks back as this guy is my right-hand man, not chosen by me may I add. I said I would step a side and let him take my position but be there for him if needed.
I expect him to fall on his sword, there has already been signs of this but no-one is too bothered yet.
I can't stand BS and he is a master of it, but he will get outed at some point. It's interesting that he has kept me so far from supporting him, he knows and I know he is a back stabber.
I don't wish ill on anyone but back stabbers, hell yeah why not!

Good speaking, I must get on before I deplete my performance today.

 

[Harry Wilson's tackle]

I hope that drug can change the thinking of those who discriminate against the neurodiverse!

I too come from a working class.

What country told made you feel like this?

We too align, can't stand people not responding to me or putting me off, I need answers to finish things off otherwise they stay as unfinished in my mind and too many unfinished things in my mind will overwhelm me at times which can shutdown my productivity.
I do have a problem with disloyalty as I am a loyal "all in friend" and I expect every friend to be the same so I keep my true friends to a quality bunch!

Fortunately I have empathy by the bucket load and relationships are good and long-term with me.

I have a beef with a shit stirring arse at the moment that has been after my job for sometime he sucks people like no tomorrow. I have shown I am the best in this environment with results to show that. But a few weeks back as this guy is my right-hand man, not chosen by me may I add. I said I would step a side and let him take my position but be there for him if needed.
I expect him to fall on his sword, there has already been signs of this but no-one is too bothered yet.
I can't stand BS and he is a master of it, but he will get outed at some point. It's interesting that he has kept me so far from supporting him, he knows and I know he is a back stabber.
I don't wish ill on anyone but back stabbers, hell yeah why not!

Good speaking, I must get on before I deplete my performance today.

Never deplete your performance!

My 4 years away which transformed my courage and attitude was spent in Vancouver, Canada, where class snobbery is maybe 5% of what it was like in the UK at the time.

All the best - hope the work place issues resolve

 

[BadFish]

I hope that drug can change the thinking of those who discriminate against the neurodiverse!

I too come from a working class.

What country told made you feel like this?

We too align, can't stand people not responding to me or putting me off, I need answers to finish things off otherwise they stay as unfinished in my mind and too many unfinished things in my mind will overwhelm me at times which can shutdown my productivity.
I do have a problem with disloyalty as I am a loyal "all in friend" and I expect every friend to be the same so I keep my true friends to a quality bunch!

Fortunately I have empathy by the bucket load and relationships are good and long-term with me.

I have a beef with a shit stirring arse at the moment that has been after my job for sometime he sucks people like no tomorrow. I have shown I am the best in this environment with results to show that. But a few weeks back as this guy is my right-hand man, not chosen by me may I add. I said I would step a side and let him take my position but be there for him if needed.
I expect him to fall on his sword, there has already been signs of this but no-one is too bothered yet.
I can't stand BS and he is a master of it, but he will get outed at some point. It's interesting that he has kept me so far from supporting him, he knows and I know he is a back stabber.
I don't wish ill on anyone but back stabbers, hell yeah why not!

Good speaking, I must get on before I deplete my performance today.

Since I have started working for my self and from home I am really struggling with focus. Trying to get into see someone about in attentive ADHD (previously ADD) as medication seems to help me immensely.

I am also trying to work out strategies to help me focus as some days are harder than others. Yesterday a client phoned me early and I was set off on a hyper focus day. I think it helped that so much work was around that client and I wasn't swapping from one thing to another.

Anyway, I bought this book to try and help.

 

[Frutos]

My husband has anxiety and mental health issues, and has come to the realisation that he may be neurodivergent in some way. This made him happy because, in his words, it feels like it makes sense of things for him, and so he is going to talk to his doctor about investigating this, with a view to a formal diagnosis if appropriate.

He told his charming mother this, and her reaction was that she "hopes he doesn't get diagnosed, because it would make him even more abnormal than he already is because of his sexuality"

Folks, please do better than she did if and when people in your lives go down a similar road.

 

[PILTDOWN MAN]

My husband has anxiety and mental health issues, and has come to the realisation that he may be neurodivergent in some way. This made him happy because, in his words, it feels like it makes sense of things for him, and so he is going to talk to his doctor about investigating this, with a view to a formal diagnosis if appropriate.

He told his charming mother this, and her reaction was that she "hopes he doesn't get diagnosed, because it would make him even more abnormal than he already is because of his sexuality"

Folks, please do better than she did if and when people in your lives go down a similar road.

Blimey

 

[Eric the meek]

My husband has anxiety and mental health issues, and has come to the realisation that he may be neurodivergent in some way. This made him happy because, in his words, it feels like it makes sense of things for him, and so he is going to talk to his doctor about investigating this, with a view to a formal diagnosis if appropriate.

He told his charming mother this, and her reaction was that she "hopes he doesn't get diagnosed, because it would make him even more abnormal than he already is because of his sexuality"

Folks, please do better than she did if and when people in your lives go down a similar road.

There aren't any real words of comfort to give about his own mother saying such a thing. But I hope I can give it some context. Attitudes like that are a function of a lack of capacity (=intelligence=empathy) to appreciate the hurt they can give without thinking. It just isn't on their radar. If you are able to, feel sorry for them, rather than angry. They spend their whole lives incapacitated, but when it surfaces, we find it jaw-dropping.

Ignorance doesn't have any boundaries. My wife comes from Lancashire. A long time ago, she landed a job at the Guild of Master Craftsmen in Lewes. She was introduced to the other workers, and the - very first - words from one woman were 'I hate the norf'. This phrase has now entered our family vernacular, and whenever we go anywhere that is vaguely 'norf', there is often a whole conversation over the wisdom of venturing too far 'norf'. Hassocks is edgy, and Burgess Hill is right out.

 

[Neville's Breakfast]

My husband has anxiety and mental health issues, and has come to the realisation that he may be neurodivergent in some way. This made him happy because, in his words, it feels like it makes sense of things for him, and so he is going to talk to his doctor about investigating this, with a view to a formal diagnosis if appropriate.

He told his charming mother this, and her reaction was that she "hopes he doesn't get diagnosed, because it would make him even more abnormal than he already is because of his sexuality"

Folks, please do better than she did if and when people in your lives go down a similar road.

Bloody hell ! Couldn’t do much worse than your Mother In Law ! Out of interest do you know what form this diagnosis is likely to take ? I am a little sceptical of self completed questionnaires in isolation. Diagnosis of autism is a skill set in itself and I have previously mentioned ADOS/ADIR on these threads which is carried out by a team of psychologists and speech therapists trained to interpret results.

 

[Fungus]

My husband has anxiety and mental health issues, and has come to the realisation that he may be neurodivergent in some way. This made him happy because, in his words, it feels like it makes sense of things for him, and so he is going to talk to his doctor about investigating this, with a view to a formal diagnosis if appropriate.

He told his charming mother this, and her reaction was that she "hopes he doesn't get diagnosed, because it would make him even more abnormal than he already is because of his sexuality"

Folks, please do better than she did if and when people in your lives go down a similar road.

I’d certainly recommend you both read the book “Untypical” by Peter Wharmby, about his adult diagnosis and retrospective understanding of how his life had been affected by being neurodivergent. I’m working through it at the moment, and it has a lot of parallels with someone very close to me. Hoping it’ll help us both understand each other better - I’m finding an awful lot of “lightbulb “ moments! Good luck. I think there can be a lot of relief in explanations and understanding.

Plus, you might be able to explain it to his charming mother!

 

[Frutos]

I’d certainly recommend you both read the book “Untypical” by Peter Wharmby, about his adult diagnosis and retrospective understanding of how his life had been affected by being neurodivergent. I’m working through it at the moment, and it has a lot of parallels with someone very close to me. Hoping it’ll help us both understand each other better - I’m finding an awful lot of “lightbulb “ moments! Good luck. I think there can be a lot of relief in explanations and understanding.

Plus, you might be able to explain it to his charming mother!

Thank you - I've sent him the link to check out if he wishes, I certainly intend to so that I can help and support him as best I can.

 

[Harry Wilson's tackle]

Bloody hell ! Couldn’t do much worse than your Mother In Law ! Out of interest do you know what form this diagnosis is likely to take ? I am a little sceptical of self completed questionnaires in isolation. Diagnosis of autism is a skill set in itself and I have previously mentioned ADOS/ADIR on these threads which is carried out by a team of psychologists and speech therapists trained to interpret results.

I think it is worthwhile to comment that some of the challenges some parents posting on here, dealing with kids with severe autism (and additional issues in many cases) is a very different thing from Aspergers, which can manifest in a way that the person can stumble through life, sometimes with skills that serve them well. The former cohort clearly present massive challenges for parents. I can't comment on this, as I know nothing about it. Clearly this is not something one ponders in the quite of an afternoon - it is a constant and irrefutable fact that rules one's life, I would imagine.

The latter cohort, as far as I can see, can be hard to diagnose and hard to treat. I haven't event bothered thinking about a formal diagnosis by trained phycologists. This is in part because there is no way I would get a referral. From the outside, done well at work, no criminal convictions, lovely family, what's not to like?

I looked up ADOS/ADIR and this looks like some sort of private thing outside the NHS. Our 12 year old has an ADHD designation at school. But she was put on a 3 year waiting list for NHS assessment so the provision she gets is based on an informal acceptance by the school. Prioritizing diagnosis appears to be driven by the usual criteria: is the condition a danger to you and others? If not, you have to push and push to get anywhere. We did some private stuff for the nipper but it was £100s of spend to be told what we already knew. So I really can't be arsed to waste time and money on behalf of my own condition.

I don't feel the need to be told things I already know, or given guidance on mitigating against the worst aspect of my behaviours. I know where the problems lie. The only way I can mitigate against serious conflict is to avoid interacting with people who trigger me. I won't bore you with the details but I can very quickly reach a point where I feel under attack (when I know that I'm not actually under attack), and do not have the ability to resolve the conundrum. It boils down to one thing - how one feels at a particular time. I can't describe the emotion but it is extreme. I can fight or I can withdraw, and it is entirely fighting or withdrawing for a feeling of being under attack. Telling myself I am not under attack is not effective.

I have had no help at work navigating interactions. I've had some major bust ups and it would be useful if people knew what not to do to trigger me (ambiguous requests and things sent for information but not labeled as such and of course poor grammar and spelling, do my head in). My HoD sent me a web link which simply made me angry. I am not in need of (or willing to take) SSRIs or antipsychotics (FFS!), then only meds used for Aspergers (related) conditions. And I am not interested in behavioural therapy. Having seen a psychologist when depressed after my second marriage broke up I now it would simply make me angry. But....I have trained myself to be more gentle with dick heads at work, and not send angry or offensive emails by waiting a day to reply to the worst of the plummery.

I don't mither about the world at large (like my dad did). It interests me but it is what it is. I can function well enough if left alone and not persistently annoyed by people around me.

(Incidentally I have all the other unpredictable quirks equivalent to those shown by the TV wild life man - a liking for odd music, obsessive privacy in some areas, secret talents, and the ability to be unintentionally attractive to people quite unsuited to me- lol!).

I am also blessed with knowing people with whom I get on with extremely well. With all that, and the edge my neurodiversity gives me in many life and work situations, on the whole I'm on the super power spectrum, and am not complaining. Now I think I know what's 'wrong' with me, the melancholy and feelings of isolation that used to affect me, and the disappointment when I find myself left out in large social gatherings (which still always happens) are gone. It is what it is. I don't even want help.

What I'm trying to say is that I'm more than happy with my lot, and can take my rough with my smooth, but my heart goes out to those struggling with debilitating problems in themselves or their kids. Perhaps the spectrum notion is unhelpful, and a line break needed where Aspergers ends and autism starts. It may ensure Mrs T never calls me 'f***ing autistic' again when I annoy her, at very least.

 

[jcdenton08]

I think it is worthwhile to comment that some of the challenges some parents posting on here, dealing with kids with severe autism (and additional issues in many cases) is a very different thing from Aspergers, which can manifest in a way that the person can stumble through life, sometimes with skills that serve them well. The former cohort clearly present massive challenges for parents. I can't comment on this, as I know nothing about it. Clearly this is not something one ponders in the quite of an afternoon - it is a constant and irrefutable fact that rules one's life, I would imagine.

The latter cohort, as far as I can see, can be hard to diagnose and hard to treat. I haven't event bothered thinking about a formal diagnosis by trained phycologists. This is in part because there is no way I would get a referral. From the outside, done well at work, no criminal convictions, lovely family, what's not to like?

I looked up ADOS/ADIR and this looks like some sort of private thing outside the NHS. Our 12 year old has an ADHD designation at school. But she was put on a 3 year waiting list for NHS assessment so the provision she gets is based on an informal acceptance by the school. Prioritizing diagnosis appears to be driven by the usual criteria: is the condition a danger to you and others? If not, you have to push and push to get anywhere. We did some private stuff for the nipper but it was £100s of spend to be told what we already knew. So I really can't be arsed to waste time and money on behalf of my own condition.

I don't feel the need to be told things I already know, or given guidance on mitigating against the worst aspect of my behaviours. I know where the problems lie. The only way I can mitigate against serious conflict is to avoid interacting with people who trigger me. I won't bore you with the details but I can very quickly reach a point where I feel under attack (when I know that I'm not actually under attack), and do not have the ability to resolve the conundrum. It boils down to one thing - how one feels at a particular time. I can't describe the emotion but it is extreme. I can fight or I can withdraw, and it is entirely fighting or withdrawing for a feeling of being under attack. Telling myself I am not under attack is not effective.

I have had no help at work navigating interactions. I've had some major bust ups and it would be useful if people knew what not to do to trigger me (ambiguous requests and things sent for information but not labeled as such and of course poor grammar and spelling, do my head in). My HoD sent me a web link which simply made me angry. I am not in need of (or willing to take) SSRIs or antipsychotics (FFS!), then only meds used for Aspergers (related) conditions. And I am not interested in behavioural therapy. Having seen a psychologist when depressed after my second marriage broke up I now it would simply make me angry. But....I have trained myself to be more gentle with dick heads at work, and not send angry or offensive emails by waiting a day to reply to the worst of the plummery.

I don't mither about the world at large (like my dad did). It interests me but it is what it is. I can function well enough if left alone and not persistently annoyed by people around me.

(Incidentally I have all the other unpredictable quirks equivalent to those shown by the TV wild life man - a liking for odd music, obsessive privacy in some areas, secret talents, and the ability to be unintentionally attractive to people quite unsuited to me- lol!).

I am also blessed with knowing people with whom I get on with extremely well. With all that, and the edge my neurodiversity gives me in many life and work situations, on the whole I'm on the super power spectrum, and am not complaining. Now I think I know what's 'wrong' with me, the melancholy and feelings of isolation that used to affect me, and the disappointment when I find myself left out in large social gatherings (which still always happens) are gone. It is what it is. I don't even want help.

What I'm trying to say is that I'm more than happy with my lot, and can take my rough with my smooth, but my heart goes out to those struggling with debilitating problems in themselves or their kids. Perhaps the spectrum notion is unhelpful, and a line break needed where Aspergers ends and autism starts. It may ensure Mrs T never calls me 'f***ing autistic' again when I annoy her, at very least.

On my first day of a part time job at a garden centre, I introduced myself to and asked a colleague how they were. She gave me a blank stare, and said “why, do I not seem okay?”. She literally went and complained to the manager that I had said something along the lines of “what’s wrong with you?”.

The manager pulled me aside and said “we’ve already had a complaint about your conduct…”. I was crapping myself, I’ve never had issues at work and just froze.

Then he just burst into laughter and said it was her ninth complaint so far, that she is autistic and just not to talk to her unless absolutely necessary. This was easy as we worked in different departments.

I was required to work in her department for one shift, and refused to do so without a witness being present at every interaction I needed to have with her (about stock, assisting customers, etc). In work, self preservation against allegations when working with non-neurotypical people is strongly advised.

I am using this as an example of someone who would benefit from behavioural therapy, if not medication, in managing their presenting symptoms and allowing them to prosper in life.

She was eventually dismissed after she made a false (supported by CCTV) accusation of sexual assault by touching against another colleague. She went to tribunal for being dismissed on the grounds of disability discrimination and lost.

 

[Harry Wilson's tackle]

On my first day of a part time job at a garden centre, I introduced myself to and asked a colleague how they were. She gave me a blank stare, and said “why, do I not seem okay?”. She literally went and complained to the manager that I had said something along the lines of “what’s wrong with you?”.

The manager pulled me aside and said “we’ve already had a complaint about your conduct…”. I was crapping myself, I’ve never had issues at work and just froze.

Then he just burst into laughter and said it was her ninth complaint so far, that she is autistic and just not to talk to her unless absolutely necessary. This was easy as we worked in different departments.

I was required to work in her department for one shift, and refused to do so without a witness being present at every interaction I needed to have with her (about stock, assisting customers, etc). In work, self preservation against allegations when working with non-neurotypical people is strongly advised.

I am using this as an example of someone who would benefit from behavioural therapy, if not medication, in managing their presenting symptoms and allowing them to prosper in life.

She was eventually dismissed after she made a false (supported by CCTV) accusation of sexual assault by touching against another colleague. She went to tribunal for being dismissed on the grounds of disability discrimination and lost.

Yes. I think there would be something else going on there - attitude or perception problems. Possibly malice. Being neurodiverse or not does not govern whether you're a twat/bastard or not.