At what stage is enough, ENOUGH ?

[John Dorian]

Evening gents and ladies,

Come on here for a little bit of advice and really following on from previous thread on said gf, ex, bit of a f***ing headfuck of a girl that is currently dominating my life..

Basically the story goes, been together since August, this is the long distance thing from the thread that I was going to meet at airport, well didnt do that, but we met up the week after...Anywho, she broke it off mid december but still talking up until the last month as though we were still together, every day, texting, on msn, by phone etc etc...pretty full on.

Anyway, quickly her ex is on the scene threatenin to spill the beans to her family about a personal issue of hers that she has never told her family about and is scared to do so, and is abusing her and everything, but she of course ends up taking it out on yours truly. As I'm writing this I know what the answer is going to be, but I need to get it off my chest and NSC seems the best place to do that...anyway, I bring him up and tell her to get rid of him out of her life for good, have a big arguement which ends in her asking me to remove her from msn, delete numbers and never contact her again...came as a massive shock, and she blew things well out of proportion...I was a MESS,
HOWEVER, i did as she asked, left her alone and after 2 days, she called me...it was HELL because I adore this girl, she is without doubt the best thing to happen to me, despite this shite thats going on atm but so we talk again and things sort of go back to normal, she was a little short with me but I deal with it because I'm not a f***ing baby.

This morning though, she just turned again on me, and the same story asked me to never contact her again...etc etc, now i'm at the end of the road and I'm thinking it is too much hassle to even care now, but I know that I'm going to miss her like crazy and as I'm writing this she is on msn, I didnt delete her msn this time, but she hasnt said anything and neither have I...

What would you do in this situation ? I'm not really in a mess as much as I was last time, but still dont really fancy giving up...any advice ?

Cheers x

 

[The Large One]

I'm sure you'll get some lads' advice and some nonsense, so I'll start with a serious one.

If you're going to get grief in your life, make sure it's for the right reasons. Not for some headfuck who doesn't know where she is. I think you're letting this situation drift and are not taking control of it. All the while this is happening, you're always going to be turning cartwheels in your stomach.

Just make a decision and live with it.

Dick Knight has to.

 

[Uncle C]

Grow up and act like a man, not a snivelling little mouse.

 

[TWOCHOICEStom]

Don't speak to her until she speaks to you. Trust me don't be a mug, I've done it and it's not good news.

You'll think you wont ever get anyone "as good" as her, but you will. Let her know that until she stops being so unreasonable, that you're not going to be there every time she calls.

That will either scare her into stopping being a tit.. or you'll find out that she isn't good enough for you.

Simples!

 

[SNOOBS]

You seem to be thinking about what might happen far too much, just chillax and see what happens in a few days or a week.

More importantly what is her personal problem?!! And is her Ex bigger than you?

 

[vulture]

John,

Life is to short to waste dealing with people like her.She seems to have many issues and those issues will affect you and bring you down as well.I know its easy for me to say and hard for you to hear but to save yourself a lot of pain and heartbreak I would move on if I was you and forget her and delete all contact with her.There will be a lovely girl out there with your name written on her heart

 

[John Dorian]

Cheers so far, it all sounds right what everyone has said, even YOU Uncle C *snivels*

 

[Ninja Elephant]

Ok mate, I feel your pain. I met a girl on the internet 4 years ago, she lives in Swindon. We've spoken online just about every day since then, and texted every day, even when she was on holiday in Berlin, and Peru. We've always been in contact, and I really adore her so much. We've met twice, the second time was before our game in december. We're meeting again next wednesday, and I wish it could be so much more. I pretty much love this girl, and I think she feels pretty much the same. But the long distance is a pain in the rear. So I can understand how hard it is for you to be so emotionally attached to this girl, but the reality is that there is nothing you can do about her life. If she's having problems with this guy, then that's bad and I feel sorry for her, I hope she gets it sorted out as soon as she can. But all you can do is support her as a friend, be the shoulder she needs to cry on from time to time. However hard it might be for you, that's all you can do. If that's too hard for you, which it might be and that's fine because it's not easy for you to do, then don't and tell her that.

The most important thing about long distance friendships is to keep the friendship defined, it's helped my Swindon friend and I. We both pretty much know the boundaries of it, and that's good. Either way mate, I hope you get something sorted out, if not, there are plenty of people on NSC who will listen to you and offer advice, it's just up to you what you decide to do.

Good luck.

 

[John Dorian]

John,

Life is to short to waste dealing with people like her.She seems to have many issues and those issues will affect you and bring you down as well.I know its easy for me to say and hard for you to hear but to save yourself a lot of pain and heartbreak I would move on if I was you and forget her and delete all contact with her.There will be a lovely girl out there with your name written on her heart

Well hopefully not the name JOHN written on her heart, because my name isn't john but still, thanks !!

She is roman catholic girl, family against abortion and, well its not a 100 piece puzzle... and no, the bloke is a scrawny little shmuck...i like that word.

 

[Mowgli]

Ditch her Don't let your talents go to waste on somebody who doesn't deserve them, she sounds like she is using you as her emotional shitstick and taking the piss a bit.

Tells you to delete her numbers and then calls you. tells you to delete her msn, she has heard of the handy little block feature on msn right?

Might feel a bit shit at the moment but in time your get over it and find somebody a lot better.

 

[Stumpy Tim]

You'll not meet anyone else until you've got her out of your system. That means don't answer her phone calls and shut yourself away from her. It'll be really hard but in a few months you'll be glad you did it

 

[vulture]

Well hopefully not the name JOHN written on her heart, because my name isn't john but still, thanks !!

She is roman catholic girl, family against abortion and, well its not a 100 piece puzzle... and no, the bloke is a scrawny little shmuck...i like that word.

What ever you name is

Last year I met a similar lady after my divorce and she has caused my life to be hell.Women are so different to men and to be honest if they did not have tits and pussys we would never ever want anything to do with them.

 

[TWOCHOICEStom]

What ever you name is

Last year I met a similar lady after my divorce and she has caused my life to be hell.Women are so different to men and to be honest if they did not have tits and pussys we would never ever want anything to do with them.

lol

 

[bright1064]

Mate, I've had lots of women trouble over the last year or so. I feel your pain

Put simply, she is not being fair to you at all and you need to tell her that in no uncertain terms next time she speaks to you. Tell her that as soon as she makes contact, that you are not in this to be abused for no good reason. Issue her an ultimatum, which puts you on the front foot and her on the back foot. Tell her that if she doesn't stop treating you like shit then YOU will be the one to end the friendship, and unlike her you won't be going back on your word.

It puts you in control, and if she really likes you enough she will listen and take heed. If she doesn't then she really isn't worth the hassle mate. You don't deserve it, and you shouldn't have to put up with it.

 

[csider]

Grow balls, grow up and get her the f*** out of your like.

 

[GT49er]

I haven't voted on your poll, because your multiple choices don't go anywhere near covering the options. You're deluding yourself if you think that any of them are viable.

Walk away. Forget it! Turn your computer and your mobile off for at least a month (and don't go in and peep) and ignore the electronic 'life', Go to the pub with your mates. If you haven't got any mates, go to the pub anyway! Go out on the pull! Read a good book even!
This one's not for you - she's only using you as a sounding board for her troubles; it ain't your fight. Move on to the next phase of your life, whatever that might be. And don't go asking for any more Agony Aunt type advice - if they're any good, they won't give you the answer you want, so just accept what is past is past, and move on.

 

[Mowgli]

I met a girl last year, was great, very attractive, great personality, didn't think nothing of her that way till she started suggesting the idea and saying things like how she had thought about the idea of me and her, long story short she just ended up loving the attention, in the end i told her to jog on, wasn't fun as i really did start to have feelings for her.

Am so glad i told her to jog on though since i have now met the most gorgeous and amazing girl ever....and no...no pics for you

 

[NMH]

You are the architect of this situation (as alluded to above).
Forget about "her ex" or her brother or her mother or her best friend or her cat or what the hell is going on in her head.

Get away, extract all means of contact, and sort your own head out.

Anything else, you are screwed and will be simply. wasting. your time.

Dunno what you think about your time, but I value mine - and certainly won't be wasting it on the whims of some clown somewhere that's not doing anything for me.

Here's another easy way to think about it;-
Imagine a friend, and imagine how a friend should treat you. That's how a relationship with a woman ought to be too. If it's not, it's not something you want to pursue.

No need for recriminations or impassioned dramatic farewells - just back away Elvis, and leave the building.

 

[Insel affe]

i think you should prove to this girl that she means the world to you. i would save some money up and next time you meet her rip open your shirt to reveal a full chest piece tattoo of her face,this will impress her beyond words and she will fall into your arms and you will be married with children by this time next year.....its full proof !
failling that buy a bottle of whisky, and the intire back catalogue of the smiths and spend the eveining in a dark room........its full proof !

 

[Uncle Spielberg]

Don't be the fall back Guy. Never contact her again. She will contact you regretting losing you. I can GUARANTEE it. Not now., maybe 3 months time. By then however you would have moved on and either have forgotten what you saw in her in the first place, being dating a new cutey or just hanging out have the Summer of 09.

Watch Swingers. It will inspire you.

Mike: Okay, so what if I don't want to give up on her?
Rob: You don't call.
Mike: But you said I don't call if I wanted to give up on her.
Rob: Right.
Mike: So I don't call either way?
Rob: Right.
Mike: So what's the difference?
Rob: There is no difference right now. See, Mike, the only difference between giving up and not giving up is if you take her back when she wants to come back. But you can't do anything to make her want to come back. In fact, you can only do stuff to make her not want to come back.
Mike: So the only difference is if I forget about her or just pretend to forget about her?
Rob: Right.
Mike: Well that sucks.
Rob: Yeah, it sucks.
Mike: So it's just like a retroactive decision, then? I mean I could, like, forget about her and then when she comes back make like I just pretended to forget about her?
Rob: Right. Although probably more likely the opposite.
Mike: What do you mean?
Rob: I mean at first you're going to pretend to forget about her, you'll not call her, I don't know, whatever... but then eventually, you really will forget about her.
Mike: Well what if she comes back first?
Rob: Mmmm... see, that's the thing, is somehow they know not to come back until you really forget.
Mike: There's the rub.
Rob: There's the rub.