Anyone recommend a Hove/Brighton based Divorce Solicitor

[Triggaaar]

An absolute refusal to pay the cocaine snorting cow 120 quid a week maintenance for her and my daughter in the 80s. This after paying her 60 quid a week before the legal proceedings. Legally speaking, contempt of court after telling the judge he could **** off with that ridiculous amount.
After I managed to get out of Lewes, she took me to court again saying she would accept the 60 quid a week. By which time I was unemployed. Proved that she had lied about a whole heap of crap. Court made a new order of 3 quid a week for my daughter (obviously, I paid more when I was able, and paid the money to my ex partners mother who was fairly sane), and 10p a year for the snorting waste of space.
Threw a quid at her outside the court, and told her to keep out of my sight for 10 years.

I'm sorry if I'm not supposed to laugh, I'm certainly not laughing at your misfortune, it's the way you tell 'em. How long were you in prison for?

I don't know if I would've put it like that when speaking to the judge but fair play to you.
Reminded me of someone I know in a similar situation. He called the judge a useless c**t. which the said judge gave him 3 weeks. After a week he was taken back to court and if he apologised he would be allowed to go free.
When he got his chance to apologise the judge asked him if he had something to say. He said ' Yes your honour last week I called you a c**t but standing here today I can see you are a bigger one than you was last week '!!. The prison guards had to drag him away very quickly simply because they were laughing their heads off. He got a further 8 weeks for that! He never did say sorry.

Maybe he really liked prison.

 

[daveinprague]

A week in Horsham, or Uckfield police station, cant remember which. Lewes was full. Then a couple of weeks on the Allocation wing in Lewes. I didn't get any opportunity to go back and say sorry which is interesting. Think my case wasn't helped by walking out in the middle of the previous proceeding listening to her crap. When they said I was going to prison, theres like a secret door in the wall in the court, that I hadn't noticed, and a couple of officers literally ran out and grabbed me, so I wouldn't leave again I imagine.

 

[Giraffe]

Highly recommend Julian Hunt at Dean Wilson. Lovely man, good at what he does. He cares about he children side very much.

01273 249223

 

[Giraffe]

Additionally, a bit of advice given to me several years ago by someone on who, never criticise our children's mother in front of them. It's very very hard when they are acting like a nutter but it is very damaging to your children so try not to at all times.

And finally if she is already acting nutty, she is unlikely to change so be relentless. The temptation is to concede to make life easier, don't do it. If she gets the message you are not going to be a walkover you have more chance of a good settlement in the long run.

 

[melias shoes]

There's only one person coming out of that looking like a **** and it's not the judge.

Yep. Pretty much what was said to him. Couldn't believe it. Apparently he went there with every intention of apologising but lost it when it counted.

 

[Herr Tubthumper]

Don't the men ever act mental then?

 

[Nibble]

whichever side of a bitter divorce you hear, it'll always be the other one that' mental. In truth it usually ends up being a combination of both partner's faults. If they're that effing mental shame on you for marrying them in the first place. If you're old enough to marry, you should be old enough to know crazy pussy when you see it. And women, we'll listen to your woeful tales of men when you get better taste in them.

 

[Soulman]

Yes.... however 'amicable' is something that isn't going to happen now unfortunately. She is far too unstable.

We have been separated for 7 years with a 12yo and it is always been tense, but I haven't pushed things, let her stay in the old house, been [very] generous over voluntary maintenance payments (to the detriment of my own life) and have always accepted a "change of weekends" from here despite the fact that the few times I have asked it has almost always been refused and I have had to make other arrangements.

Had enough of her unstable behaviour, she has started to get increasingly unreasonable and, to add to the complexity, I am about to start a new business and there is no way I am risking everything I have right now on this venture for her to take half further down the line.

I went through this experience about 20 years ago. Rather than waffle on just a few bullet points you may find helpful, you may know them already.

1) Divorce before the property and child issues can be sorted out.
2) A decent solicitor is ok but there will be a fairly set amount and guidelines to how much you will get stung for, the child and carer being paramount.
3) When you see your solicitor for discussions, inform them you do not need written conformation of the meeting, a letter after every meeting hikes the price up.
4) Remember that both solicitors will talk to each other, just like a WWE wrestling, they may give the impression they are battling each other, but it is just show.
5) Unless the ex has medical(with proof) problems, or alcoholic/drug/violent (with proof) then the mother will always be the main carer, thus will get the lions share of the settlement.
6) In case any information is withheld re your son, you will be advised to get parental responsibility, add to these your name as second point of contact at the school, ask for school reports and a separate time allocation for parents evening. You are also allowed information from your sons doctor should you have any concerns about your sons visits/record.
7) You may be entitled to full/part legal aid. Be careful because this legal aid will come out of your settlement or a charge can be put on your future property. This charge is normally added on at the end of the mortgage term, which seems ok until you add up the interest added on. For example (bearing in mind this was nearly 20 years ago) i had part legal aid which worked out about £3000, the interest started at 0.86p a week, obviously rises over the term of the mortgage as the amount increases. I got in touch with the Legal Aid dept in London when i realised that it would be near on £12,000 after the 25 year mortgage term, i paid what i could afford every few months, paid it off in 3 years.
8) The reason i could get my ex out of the matrimonial home was the equity involved, but she wanted the lot, i provide two bedroom properties for sale (two boys involved both under 3 years old, so maybe with your son being a lot older may be better to leave her in the property until he leaves full time education and go for 50/50 split) and ended up with a 78% for her and 22% for me.
9) Like you i always paid for my children, but she got the CSA involved, after the property was sold, up until then i had been paying the mortgage, tho not living there, insurances and maintenance for the children. I payed up until one of my sons moved in with me aged 12, i still had to pay a small amount for the other son as my income was slightly more than hers.
10) Hopefully you will always pay maintenance and financially support your son but, if your new business venture allows you to go Self Employed and paying yourself a wage (a good accountant is helpful) then you will not get shafted financially.
11) If you have to deal with the CSA, they are open until 8pm, try to ring in the evening when you will normally speak to a male, the females are very, lets just say awkward.
12) If you have any trouble with contact with your son then get in touch with a Court/Child Welfare Officer, i went to Chi, the access was sorted out in my favour (they encourage the "absent" parent (absent indeed) to have a lot of contact) and what they put to the court will be adhered to, the judge will not overturn the decision of the Welfare Officer.
13) Finally just remember point 2) as it could save you money arguing unnecessarily, the final amount will be agreed before you go to court all the judge does is rubber stamp the agreement.

Hope this helps, if i can help pm me.

 

[Soulman]

Don't the men ever act mental then?

There are good and bad in both sexes. Many men i know have abandoned their children financially and personally, many have been very good.
The laws are getting better for the genuine Dad who wants to do the right thing, re contact anyway, though the law is favourable for the main carer who is normally the woman. I got fairly heavily involved trying to help, which involved both sexes, i learn't a lot.

 

[nwgull]

There is a simple way of avoiding it ..... don't get married.

This will bells on. I challenge anyway to give me a valid reason or benefit of getting married these days, other than to satisfy your religious beliefs.

 

[Herr Tubthumper]

This will bells on. I challenge anyway to give me a valid reason or benefit of getting married these days, other than to satisfy your religious beliefs.

The simple win-win solution is to marry someone richer than yourself.

 

[nwgull]

The simple win-win solution is to marry someone richer than yourself.

This is good advice. Women tend to follow careers that earn less though (and there are far fewer female business owners); hence the divorce settlements usually appear stacked in the wife's favour.

 

[Chicken Runner61]

Obviously I can't confirm or deny [MENTION=6711]Chicken Runner61[/MENTION] 's claim but my experience of solicitors in all the situations I've used them or come up against them is that they are not worth the money, only look after their own backsides and generally make situations worse than they were before they got involved. I rate them below estate agents and recruitment agents in the scum stakes. Utter utter turds. Once a solicitor gets involved there is only one winner - the solicitor.

There is a simple fact here that all people forget ....

If you could agree with your ex in the first place you wouldn't need a solicitor at all, so people who agree amicably even if they didn't at the start always say "my solicitor was good" but if you can't agree with your ex you are more likely to end up in a acrimonious battle and its then you will find out how good your solicitor is.

I would pick a solicitor that does not have links to the court or solicitors around the court area - they all know each other and will look for a settlement that is easy to get and they make the most money from.

Its the same with barristers - there is a reason those London barristers get results sometimes - its because they don't care about upsetting the judge or other local barrister.

When legal aid was available the bad solicitors (and there were lots) used to always try and get a domestic violence angle because it guaranteed payment and a budget of a bout £250k to play with - now you only get legal aid if you can claim DV so guess what?..... Most cases that can't be agreed amicably will have a DV claim especially if the client has no money

 

[Chicken Runner61]

There is a simple fact here that all people forget ....

If you could agree with your ex in the first place you wouldn't need a solicitor at all, so people who agree amicably even if they didn't at the start always say "my solicitor was good" but if you can't agree with your ex you are more likely to end up in a acrimonious battle and its then you will find out how good your solicitor is.

I would pick a solicitor that does not have links to the court or solicitors around the court area - they all know each other and will look for a settlement that is easy to get and they make the most money from.

Its the same with barristers - there is a reason those London barristers get results sometimes - its because they don't care about upsetting the judge or other local barrister.

When legal aid was available the bad solicitors (and there were lots) used to always try and get a domestic violence angle because it guaranteed payment and a budget of a bout £250k to play with - now you only get legal aid if you can claim DV so guess what?..... Most cases that can't be agreed amicably will have a DV claim especially if the client has no money

Brighton Court has a horrendous reputation for being anti dads and men - I used to hear of courts elsewhere having a "judge of the day" who you could go to if you had been served with an order that was wrong or maliciously made - Guess what?.... Brighton Court never had one.............

At one point we did have the court and solicitors on the back foot, we had so many dads going LIP and armed with knowledge they were actually making headway with the law, we even got an audience with the local ministry of Justice who INVITED US to tell them what we thought was wrong with the system. On the panel were judges we had been in court against (and I mean against) we toned down our speeches as we wanted to be invited again but we told them a few things that had them flustered

Fathers 4 Justice scared the system - to f4Js credit they forced the government to look at the system but they were seriously warned to back off after the purple powder incident and were shut down - in the main f4J were bit like ALF and FNF were like the RSPCA both with same aims but two ways of obtaining them - After a while they changed the rules and laws a bit which was good and FNF was invited to become a charity which meant it had to be less critical and tow the line in return for funding. But the funding cause problems and allegations of a sell out and then funding was cut back. In that time the courts have been tightened up the fees increased to make it harder to go LIP, get help and challenge the courts.

The new rules mean that you have to go through mediation before court which is good but its easily got round and if you claim DV you can get round it and you get legal aid - theres the crack - just claiming DV will cause massive problems for the other party, it doesn't even have to be proved and the system will shut you out from your kids for weeks/months while it is investigated. Its the nuclear option of divorce and in todays modern world being a bloke you are guilty unless you can provide some amazing evidence to prove you are not - you can be found guilty even without a jury and in a local court you can be found guilty without trial on the basis of probability!

 

[Bozza]

This thread was removed for 'tidying' as some very specific accusations, presented as fact, had been made against a local solicitor. It's not beyond the realms of possibility that...

1. Someone could alert the solicitor to the thread
2. The solicitor could read it
3. The solicitor could dispute the accusations and seek redress for defamation

If you state, for example, that someone lied in court you better be able to absolutely prove that, if challenged to do so.

Please carry on with this thread in the spirit it was started. Please do not further debate this very post, who it was about or what could or couldn't be done. If you want to discuss it, PM me.

 

[Big_Unit]

I haven't had the pleasure personally, but I wouldn't want Liz Taylor at Edwards Harte in the opposition camp.

I have had the pleasure - she worked for me on an issue to do with access to my daughter (not a divorce). She is absolutely awesome.

 

[Triggaaar]

There is a simple way of avoiding it ..... don't get married.

I'm not sure it's being married that's the problem. If you have children and split up, it can be even harder for men who aren't married.

This will bells on. I challenge anyway to give me a valid reason or benefit of getting married these days, other than to satisfy your religious beliefs.

If one of you dies, the other can inherit everything without paying tax. The surviving partner can also gain the tax-free allowance that can be used when they die and pass their estate to their children. Also, marriage does mean something to some people, even if they're not religious.

 

[El Presidente]

One of the best pieces of advice was given to me by [MENTION=118]Hiney[/MENTION] [MENTION=5200]Buzzer[/MENTION] and [MENTION=46]Lush[/MENTION].

All three said told me to not to try to be 'nice' and give too much to my ex-wife out of guilt and the hope that it would enhance my chances of seeing the kids after the divorce as she would (rightfully) hate me regardless of the extent of the settlement.

Sadly I ignored their advice and tried to me a martyr by giving 100% of the assets to my ex, and it has done me no favours, as haven't seen my youngest for over four years.

Having to start with nothing apart from the family dog and a couple of suitcases of clothes at the age of 49 was a challenge, but look forwards not backwards!

 

[BlockDpete]

The simple win-win solution is to marry someone richer than yourself.

Or get married yes, but children and buying property together, no?

 

[Westdene Seagull]

One of the best pieces of advice was given to me by @Hiney @Buzzer and @Lush.

All three said told me to not to try to be 'nice' and give too much to my ex-wife out of guilt and the hope that it would enhance my chances of seeing the kids after the divorce as she would (rightfully) hate me regardless of the extent of the settlement.

Sadly I ignored their advice and tried to me a martyr by giving 100% of the assets to my ex, and it has done me no favours, as haven't seen my youngest for over four years.

Having to start with nothing apart from the family dog and a couple of suitcases of clothes at the age of 49 was a challenge, but look forwards not backwards!

While not on exactly the same scale I offered far too much of my income - roughly three times what the CSA would have had me pay PLUS private education fees just for the hope of an easy life. I've never been denied access to my children but it almost broke me financially and the ex gave me anything but an easy ride. Thankfully once my income dropped drastically I was strong enough to make a stand and now I pay a little over the CSA rate.