An old joke but made me chuckle..

[Nibble]

Two guys are walking down the street when a mugger approaches them and demands their money. They both grudgingly pull out their wallets and begin taking out their cash. Just then one guy turns to the other and hands him a note. “Here’s that £50 I owe you,” he says.

 

[The Grockle]

Another old one

black bit of tarmac goes into a pub and orders a pint. in the back ground a red bit of tarmac is throwing a bar stool around and swearing at customers.

''sort him out wud ya'' asks the bar tender

''no way!'' replies the black tarmac, ''hes a cycle path''

 

[S'hampton Seagull]

 

[Skint Gull]

Nibble i like that, never heard it or even a variation before. Worth posting even if everyone else is a miserable fucker

 

[Nibble]

Nibble i like that, never heard it or even a variation before. Worth posting even if everyone else is a miserable fucker

why, thank you - perhaps you will like this?....

A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, “This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.” The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, “Which do you want, son?” The boy takes the quarters and leaves. “What did I tell you?” said the barber. “That kid never learns!” Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. “Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?” The boy licked his cone and replied, “Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!”

 

[Selhurst Wonderland]

I saw a bloke in a cemetery crouching behind a gravestone.
I said "morning"
He said "No just having a shit"

 

[Selhurst Wonderland]

Little girl gets lost in Tesco's, security guard asks her 'what's your mum like?' Little girl replies 'Big cocks and vodka'

 

[Pretty pink fairy]

Little girl gets lost in Tesco's, security guard asks her 'what's your mum like?' Little girl replies 'Big cocks and vodka'

stick to what you know best

 

[User removed 4]

Little girl gets lost in Tesco's, security guard asks her 'what's your mum like?' Little girl replies 'Big cocks and vodka'

 

[Selhurst Wonderland]

I walked into the pub and the fag machine called me a c*nt, but a dish of peanuts said how nice I looked.

The barman explained that the fag machine was out of order and the peanuts were complimentary.

 

[pasty]

A fairy is skipping down the lane when she finds a goblin sitting down with his head buried in his hands and knees. "Are you a goblin?" she asks? "No, I've just got a headache"

 

[bhaexpress]

I saw a bloke in a cemetery crouching behind a gravestone.
I said "morning"
He said "No just having a shit"

I like that

 

[Selhurst Wonderland]

Did you hear about the blind man who went bungee jumping?

He loved it, but it scared the hell out of his dog.