ben andrews' girlfriend
Nurse Laura
Waiting for Sunday to come along - can see the front page of the NOTW now....
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Alfie Patten is NOT the daddy *shock*
- Thread starter sam86
- Start date
beorhthelm
A. Virgo, Football Genius
- Jul 21, 2003
- 36,023
got to hand it to Clifford, he keeps the papers full and the printers running. must be responsible for hundreds if not thousands of jobs. as Jade fades, he backfills with the boy-father smooth as you like.
Mendoza
NSC's Most Stalked
I can't believe the amount of boys owning up to shagging that munt
There was no way it would be alfie's, he wouldn't produce enough to stick a stamp, but I guess the pattens made a few grand out of it, now his mum has to justify his truency record at school, which is shockingly bad
There was no way it would be alfie's, he wouldn't produce enough to stick a stamp, but I guess the pattens made a few grand out of it, now his mum has to justify his truency record at school, which is shockingly bad
Hmmm, wonder why the Mirror has taken this story down from it's website. It was there at 2pm and now it's gone.
Green Cross Code Man
Wunt be druv
Doesn't seem to be on any British-based websites. Some sort of court order?
Correct, there is a massive reporting restriction in place against publishing pretty much any details on it. Methinks they could be in trouble.
Safeway
M0DERAT0R
Nice.
seagullsovergrimsby
#cpfctinpotclub
Has Sir Douglas Loft gone into hiding ? 
seagullsovergrimsby
#cpfctinpotclub
I suspect a legal wrangle involving Social Services. Other than that one of the other papers has signed up the "real" daddy for an exclusive to hit on Sunday.
readingstockport
New member
what a fucker that they can't keep it out of the press elsewhere in the world.
DNA proves 13-year-old Alfie not the father of the baby | WORLD
DNA proves 13-year-old Alfie not the father of the baby | WORLD
Jimmy Grimble
Well-known member
Danny Seagull told me he's the dad after forcing me to wank him off last night 
ben andrews' girlfriend
Nurse Laura
Perez Hilton has just put it just about perfectly! Forthwith:
Oops!
Paging Maury Povich!
Turns out wee Brit Alfie Patten is not the father of baby Maisie with (village-bicycle-with-training-wheels) girlfriend Chentelle.
A DNA test revealed that 13-year-old Alfie is not the baby's daddy. The boy took the test after several lads came forward claiming to have slept with 15-year-old Chantelle.
Alfie's mom said, "It had not even crossed Alfie’s mind whether Chantelle had not been faithful to him. He’s absolutely devastated that these lads say they slept with her."
Poor Alfie!
Apparently, Chantelle's mom ordered her slutty daughter to insist that she had been a virgin prior to sleeping with Alfie. But science has revealed the truth!
Alfie's dad said, "He said it was the first time he’d had sex, he didn’t know what he was doing or the complications that could come. I’ll talk to him again and it’ll be the birds and bees talk."
We think that by now, Alfie is well acquainted with the birds and the bees. What his dad needs to do is buy him a 24 pack of condoms.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"village-bicycle-with-training-wheels"
Oops!
Paging Maury Povich!
Turns out wee Brit Alfie Patten is not the father of baby Maisie with (village-bicycle-with-training-wheels) girlfriend Chentelle.
A DNA test revealed that 13-year-old Alfie is not the baby's daddy. The boy took the test after several lads came forward claiming to have slept with 15-year-old Chantelle.
Alfie's mom said, "It had not even crossed Alfie’s mind whether Chantelle had not been faithful to him. He’s absolutely devastated that these lads say they slept with her."
Poor Alfie!
Apparently, Chantelle's mom ordered her slutty daughter to insist that she had been a virgin prior to sleeping with Alfie. But science has revealed the truth!
Alfie's dad said, "He said it was the first time he’d had sex, he didn’t know what he was doing or the complications that could come. I’ll talk to him again and it’ll be the birds and bees talk."
We think that by now, Alfie is well acquainted with the birds and the bees. What his dad needs to do is buy him a 24 pack of condoms.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"village-bicycle-with-training-wheels"
Walkers Cajun Squirrel
New member
- Mar 13, 2008
- 1,101
I feel really sorry for that kid. (the baby, not alfie). He was basically f***ed before he popped his head into the world (assuming he came head first, if not the when he popped his feet in to the world).
Market Porter
Or The Globe
'Oi, Where are the kids?'
'upstairs on the PS2'
'whats the crying then?'
'Alfie's come first again'
'upstairs on the PS2'
'whats the crying then?'
'Alfie's come first again'
SirDouglasLoft
New member
- Jul 4, 2008
- 6,876
Has Sir Douglas Loft gone into hiding ?
Thank God they haven't publicly named the father yet
- Jul 7, 2003
- 47,641
No way did he even do the deed with that thing, look at him! He looks about eight, and more than likely is still working out what the hell to do with his old chap, let alone putting it to any procreational use. He's probably that naive that she could have got away with telling him she got pregnant by using the same toilet seat.
I stand by my earlier assertion that no self-respecting 14 year old girl (and while I doubt Chantelle is that self respecting, she still has some credibility to maintain amongst her peers, surely) would sleep with a younger boy in a million years. Most of them don't even want boys their own age, let alone one younger. They want lads with proper cars, not radio controlled ones.
I eagerly await the next NOTW article, presumably entitled '"My Baby Heartbreak" by Teen "Dad" Alfie', in which he describes his devastation at Chantelle's apparent betrayal, whilst pocketing ten grand from the paper and spending most of it on Playstation games. By June, he'll have forgotten who she even is, notwithstanding a few gratuitous reminder bog-washes at school.
I stand by my earlier assertion that no self-respecting 14 year old girl (and while I doubt Chantelle is that self respecting, she still has some credibility to maintain amongst her peers, surely) would sleep with a younger boy in a million years. Most of them don't even want boys their own age, let alone one younger. They want lads with proper cars, not radio controlled ones.
I eagerly await the next NOTW article, presumably entitled '"My Baby Heartbreak" by Teen "Dad" Alfie', in which he describes his devastation at Chantelle's apparent betrayal, whilst pocketing ten grand from the paper and spending most of it on Playstation games. By June, he'll have forgotten who she even is, notwithstanding a few gratuitous reminder bog-washes at school.
clapham_gull
Legacy Fan
- Aug 20, 2003
- 25,877
Not really Clifford line of work to be honest, what he tends to do is keep celebs out of the papers, or if they are going to be in it anyway - control the stories.
That's how he makes his cash. It's a case of a worried celeb contacting him because a reporter is sniffing about. He'll promise the newspaper another story in return for not printing it, or promise the story on his terms.
He does appeared to have suffered a few lapses of judgement however.