A thread of classic Father Ted lines

[Simster]

tsk, call yerself a Father Ted fan? Simster'll get it!

Oh yes, indeed I will.

 

[Manx Shearwater]

Do you not remember the dutch goalkeeper episode

A classic!!

 

[Dr. Notthenineo'clocknews]

Do you not remember the dutch goalkeeper episode

A classic!!

it was the FDM lookalike in goal in the over 75's football match

 

[Poyetry In Motion]

clearly, I need to sit down and watch every episode of FT back to back. An idea, I'm not too unhappy about

 

[mejonaNO12 aka riskit]

It only takes people to say a few Father Ted quotes and I get the URGE to rush home, get the box set on and ENJOY.

Escape from Victory and Speed 3 are CLASSICS.

But my favourite is the Eurovision song contest episode with "My lovely Horse" as Irelands entry. It's just BRILLIANT

 

[Manx Shearwater]

Kicking Bishop Brennan Up The *rse, is another classic episode.

 

[We're the Stripes]

.. they're FINE!

 

[DavidinSouthampton]

The Lingerie department episode, but I can't remember any of the dialogue.

And others have already mentioned "Big and far Away" and "Down with this sort of thing".

 

[Badger]

Father Ted: You know what he'd love? He'd really love it if someone came up to him and said his catchphrase.
Father Dougal: Oh, yeah, Ted! He'd love that! You should definitely do that.
Father Ted: Should I?
Father Dougal: Oh, yeah. I'd say no-one ever does that to him. He'll think you're hilarious. You know, this is one of those times where I'm absolutely, one hundred million percent sure that you'll be doing the right thing. I can safely say that you definitely, definitely won't regret doing that.
Father Ted: Okay, I'm going to do it. Will I?
Father Dougal: Yeah, go on!
Father Ted: Okay, hold the camera.
[Ted walks over to Wilson, who is talking to a tour guide]
Father Ted: (yells loudly) I don't believe it!
[Wilson violently assaults Ted, and has to be restrained]
Richard Wilson: I'll bloody well kill you!
Father Dougal: Well? What did he say? Did he laugh?
Father Ted: No. No, no, no. Not really. I'm going to sit down now.

 

[Sausage]

This was on the other night, pure class:-


I'm still laughing, but obviously there is a language issue, if you're at work

I haven't seen that one before. That's really really cheered me up. Ta.

 

[Stat Brother]

I haven't seen that one before. That's really really cheered me up. Ta.

Sadly they've cut that, before she leaves for the kitchen.
Mrs D throws in a couple more corkers when out of sight.

 

[ferring seagull]

This thread made me laugh more than a bit !

 

[Cosmic Joker]

Father Ted: You know what he'd love? He'd really love it if someone came up to him and said his catchphrase.
Father Dougal: Oh, yeah, Ted! He'd love that! You should definitely do that.
Father Ted: Should I?
Father Dougal: Oh, yeah. I'd say no-one ever does that to him. He'll think you're hilarious. You know, this is one of those times where I'm absolutely, one hundred million percent sure that you'll be doing the right thing. I can safely say that you definitely, definitely won't regret doing that.
Father Ted: Okay, I'm going to do it. Will I?
Father Dougal: Yeah, go on!
Father Ted: Okay, hold the camera.
[Ted walks over to Wilson, who is talking to a tour guide]
Father Ted: (yells loudly) I don't believe it!
[Wilson violently assaults Ted, and has to be restrained]
Richard Wilson: I'll bloody well kill you!
Father Dougal: Well? What did he say? Did he laugh?
Father Ted: No. No, no, no. Not really. I'm going to sit down now.

Father Dougal: How come all the rocks are different sizes?
Tour Guide: Well... you know, rocks are generally different sizes.
Father Dougal: Wow! I'm finding out all kinds of things I never knew about rocks.
Tour Guide: Of course, at this time, this whole area would have been submerged underwater.
Father Dougal: How did everyone breathe?
Father Ted: They'd have had some sort of apparatus.
Father Dougal: Oh, right. Wow, look at that rock over there!
Tour Guide: This is actually the oldest part of our tour. This particular cave was formed more than fifteen million years ago.
Father Ted: Really? Wow, I don't believe it!
[the man in front of Ted turns around; it's Richard Wilson]
Richard Wilson: You again! [attacks Ted] Get out of it, I don't want to see you again! BASTARD!

 

[We're the Stripes]

^ The Mainland is a BRILLIANT episode.

Father Jack [at alcoholics anonymous]: DRINK! DRINK! DRINK!
Group leader: Go on Father, let it all out.
Father Jack: DRINK!
Ronald [everyone empathising]: So true, so true..

Father Dougal: Oh god Ted, I'm so happy. The suns out, and we're in an opticians, it doesn't get any better than this!

Father Dougal: God Ted, I've just remembered something. I forgot to have any breakfast!
Father Ted: You can get something later, don't worry.
Father Dougal: Oh god Ted, I'm so hungry. There's no chance.. I couldn't DIE could I? From the hunger?

 

[Eric Potts]

Hairy japanese bastards

 

[Stat Brother]

 

[Stat Brother]

Yes I love Father Ted.

 

[Shegull]

Hello, Father. Did you hear about the whistle being stolen? I never thought I'd see the like. What next? Somebody'll be murdered! And then where are we? Drive-by shootings in the night... it'll be like 'Boys 'n' the Hood'... and we'll have whores selling their wares on the street and the pimps will be using crack to keep the whores under control. I'm going home now, Father, to lock myself in the basement until they catch that fella. Goodbye to you, Father.

 

[Stumpy Tim]

it was the FDM lookalike in goal in the over 75's football match

For me, that was the best epiosode.

Mrs Doyle: "Come... On.... My..... Son"

 

[mistahclarke]

Father Ted: You know what he'd love? He'd really love it if someone came up to him and said his catchphrase.
Father Dougal: Oh, yeah, Ted! He'd love that! You should definitely do that.
Father Ted: Should I?
Father Dougal: Oh, yeah. I'd say no-one ever does that to him. He'll think you're hilarious. You know, this is one of those times where I'm absolutely, one hundred million percent sure that you'll be doing the right thing. I can safely say that you definitely, definitely won't regret doing that.
Father Ted: Okay, I'm going to do it. Will I?
Father Dougal: Yeah, go on!
Father Ted: Okay, hold the camera.
[Ted walks over to Wilson, who is talking to a tour guide]
Father Ted: (yells loudly) I don't believe it!
[Wilson violently assaults Ted, and has to be restrained]
Richard Wilson: I'll bloody well kill you!
Father Dougal: Well? What did he say? Did he laugh?
Father Ted: No. No, no, no. Not really. I'm going to sit down now.

I went to those caves on my recent trip to Ireland. The desire to shout "I don't believe it" was very, very strong.