A personal update from me - depression (update post #141)

[Mr Banana]

There will be people around to help

There almost certainly won't be. Admire your post and optimism, but you can never rely on people with this sort of thing.

 

[Fungus]

Trying to take one day at a time, had a further counselling session today which helped me get a few things off my mind that have been circling in my head in various ways over a number of years. Going to be selfish but I need to look after number one, there is a real long road ahead and I know it's not going to be a straight ride, I need all the help and support that I can get, reading through all of the comments and posts back on here is really helping. Shows how good NSC can be.

It's not a straight ride for any of us, but when you get stuff going round and round in your head it can get magnified and out of proportion, and that's when someone else's perspective can really help. That's something NSC can help with, because we've all got different views about life. People are the answer.

Take care.

 

[easynow]

Trying to take one day at a time, had a further counselling session today which helped me get a few things off my mind that have been circling in my head in various ways over a number of years. Going to be selfish but I need to look after number one, there is a real long road ahead and I know it's not going to be a straight ride, I need all the help and support that I can get, reading through all of the comments and posts back on here is really helping. Shows how good NSC can be.

Hey dude, just always try to remember that happiness is just really being content with what you have here right now. Not what you had or what you want in the future. It sounds like you have a loving family around you and I'm also assuming somewhere comfy to sleep, food to eat...just have a mindset of gratitude in your daily mindset. Alway be thankful for what you have.

Also remember the brain is constantly rewiring itself to become better at whatever you're currently doing. It's sole purpose is to stay alive. It doesn't care why you're still alive, but if it thinks your current ways are helping it stay alive it will keep you like that. When you fight 'depression', you give it strength. For every emotion you give in to, strengthens the wiring of your brain to think or feel a certain way. We are creatures of habit. I know where you are, for I've been there myself when I lost people close to me as a teenager. You just have to rewire your brain. Every moment dedicated to riding this low vibrational thinking strengthens it. You have to aim to ride the higher waves and stay somewhere in the middle. Or else the downward spiral continues, and grows stronger the more you dwell on it. Make goals and have fun. When something doesn't work, make more goals. Buy a few books and go for long walks. Or perhaps buy a bike and attempt to cycle a little further each ride. The moment you can tell yourself you've achieved something, that's the moment you'll start feeling happy again. And try not to take life too seriously, I have found that the universe...this reality we live in is just so mysterious and beautiful to really give a crap about death. Just ride the wave of life and live in the moment.

 

[Harry H]

There almost certainly won't be. Admire your post and optimism, but you can never rely on people with this sort of thing.

Yourself,people generally and a God that you may believe in.
Personally I think they are all one and the same.

What else is there to believe in?

Never lose faith in faith.

 

[RM-Taylor]

Been a tough couple of days so I thought I'd write a bit of an update on here.

One of my mental health counsellor's was supposed to come and visit today at our home address but failed to do so, this knocked me back quite a bit psychologically and made me question quite a lot whether or not these health professionals actually want to help me or indeed care. It really feels like they don't at the moment.

Things with the ex-gf now seem more strained than ever and ultimately, someone who said that they would always be there no matter what comes across as not giving a shit about how bad and down in the dumps that i currently am. This runs through my mind everyday, no matter how many times people say "oh stop thinking about it" etc you can't just switch your mind off as and when you'd like.

I'm starting to feel more of a hindrance and a burden to those people around me at the moment, I hate staying in all day yet when I'm out doing something my mind is just telling me that I need to go home and sit up stairs in silence. I've no idea what's going to happen to me going forwards at the moment. I have a further mental health assessment on Wednesday and will see what they suggest they can offer me.

Depression is a bitch.

 

[perseus]

Polar Bears ate all the Penguins

Why did the Emperor get bi-polar?

Cause his wife said she had gone fishing, and flew off with an Arctic Tern leaving him sitting on the egg in the deep freezer.

 

[Juan Albion]

Why did the Emperor get bi-polar?

Cause his wife said she had gone fishing, and flew off with an Arctic Tern leaving him sitting on the egg in the deep freezer.

Thanks, Perseus, that solves everything.

 

[sydney]

Why did the Emperor get bi-polar?

Cause his wife said she had gone fishing, and flew off with an Arctic Tern leaving him sitting on the egg in the deep freezer.

FFS

RM hopefully someone will point you in the direction of some support/discussion groups involving other depression sufferers , this may help with ideas of how to lift this horrible mood that is hanging over you.......it can be done and has been done thousands of times but it is an illness and needs specific care to get through it.....good luck mate , i bet you don't even feel like reading but perhaps a good book will occupy your mind and give you a break from those negative thoughts.

 

[JamesAndTheGiantHead]

There's times when even making eye contact with parents, siblings and life long friends feels like a massive undertaking. Questions such as 'are you SURE you're okay?' feel like a inquisition/accusation against you. It sounds stupid, but knowing there is NSC (more sensible forums are available) to talk absolute bollocks on, to speculate If players may be returning , regardless of whether or not they've been dead for ten years, or indeed, if girls do or do not fart in an elevator are hugely therapeutic. It's human contact without the immediate anxiety or pressure.

It will never be equal to face to face contact, it won't have the same healing qualities as talking it over properly, but there seems to be an interim period where that initially seems impossible, so this is the next best thing.

Apparently, according to a mate.

 

[BadFish]

Been a tough couple of days so I thought I'd write a bit of an update on here.

One of my mental health counsellor's was supposed to come and visit today at our home address but failed to do so, this knocked me back quite a bit psychologically and made me question quite a lot whether or not these health professionals actually want to help me or indeed care. It really feels like they don't at the moment.

Things with the ex-gf now seem more strained than ever and ultimately, someone who said that they would always be there no matter what comes across as not giving a shit about how bad and down in the dumps that i currently am. This runs through my mind everyday, no matter how many times people say "oh stop thinking about it" etc you can't just switch your mind off as and when you'd like.

I'm starting to feel more of a hindrance and a burden to those people around me at the moment, I hate staying in all day yet when I'm out doing something my mind is just telling me that I need to go home and sit up stairs in silence. I've no idea what's going to happen to me going forwards at the moment. I have a further mental health assessment on Wednesday and will see what they suggest they can offer me.

Depression is a bitch.

Keep talking about it buddy, keep posting and keep going.

With regard to turning your mind off. This is a massive issue with depression and learning to control these thoughts is enormously helpful. The most important thing is to relax and breathe, you cannot fight with them thoughts as it gives them more energy you have to let them slide through.

Have a go at this website https://www.headspace.com/ there are 10 free sessions to give you the basics of mindefulness.

learning to relax my thinking is something that has been very helpful to me. It isn't easy and takes a bit of practice but it is worth persisting with. The little techniques you learn help you to do activities that you enjoy without the worry of your brain taking you to dark places.

 

[Mr Banana]

Been a tough couple of days so I thought I'd write a bit of an update on here.

One of my mental health counsellor's was supposed to come and visit today at our home address but failed to do so, this knocked me back quite a bit psychologically and made me question quite a lot whether or not these health professionals actually want to help me or indeed care. It really feels like they don't at the moment.

Things with the ex-gf now seem more strained than ever and ultimately, someone who said that they would always be there no matter what comes across as not giving a shit about how bad and down in the dumps that i currently am. This runs through my mind everyday, no matter how many times people say "oh stop thinking about it" etc you can't just switch your mind off as and when you'd like.

I'm starting to feel more of a hindrance and a burden to those people around me at the moment, I hate staying in all day yet when I'm out doing something my mind is just telling me that I need to go home and sit up stairs in silence. I've no idea what's going to happen to me going forwards at the moment. I have a further mental health assessment on Wednesday and will see what they suggest they can offer me.

Depression is a bitch.

That all sounds like a pretty normal reaction to the world. Maybe your base optimism levels are too high? Life sucks and people are endlessly wretched. Once you accept that and retreat it makes things a lot easier.

 

[Aveacarlin']

Been a tough couple of days so I thought I'd write a bit of an update on here.

One of my mental health counsellor's was supposed to come and visit today at our home address but failed to do so, this knocked me back quite a bit psychologically and made me question quite a lot whether or not these health professionals actually want to help me or indeed care. It really feels like they don't at the moment.

Things with the ex-gf now seem more strained than ever and ultimately, someone who said that they would always be there no matter what comes across as not giving a shit about how bad and down in the dumps that i currently am. This runs through my mind everyday, no matter how many times people say "oh stop thinking about it" etc you can't just switch your mind off as and when you'd like.

I'm starting to feel more of a hindrance and a burden to those people around me at the moment, I hate staying in all day yet when I'm out doing something my mind is just telling me that I need to go home and sit up stairs in silence. I've no idea what's going to happen to me going forwards at the moment. I have a further mental health assessment on Wednesday and will see what they suggest they can offer me.

Depression is a bitch.

It is a bitch, right, but it's one that you can develop a way of dealing with. Hopelessness and self loathing drag you down to a very dark place but can be put in their place by taking stock of all the people that love you, friends and family. There is hard factual evidence that you are not a hindrance whatsoever. Don't let a missed appointment drag you down either, they can easily be rearranged.

Keep in there buddy [emoji4]

 

[Peter Grummit]

Been a tough couple of days so I thought I'd write a bit of an update on here.

One of my mental health counsellor's was supposed to come and visit today at our home address but failed to do so, this knocked me back quite a bit psychologically and made me question quite a lot whether or not these health professionals actually want to help me or indeed care. It really feels like they don't at the moment.

Things with the ex-gf now seem more strained than ever and ultimately, someone who said that they would always be there no matter what comes across as not giving a shit about how bad and down in the dumps that i currently am. This runs through my mind everyday, no matter how many times people say "oh stop thinking about it" etc you can't just switch your mind off as and when you'd like.

I'm starting to feel more of a hindrance and a burden to those people around me at the moment, I hate staying in all day yet when I'm out doing something my mind is just telling me that I need to go home and sit up stairs in silence. I've no idea what's going to happen to me going forwards at the moment. I have a further mental health assessment on Wednesday and will see what they suggest they can offer me.

Depression is a bitch.

I would echo what others have said about trying to do regular exercise. The endorphin hit should not be under-estimated! I'm not a runner but I know a few former non-runners who have got into this Parkrun thing and benefited hugely. The mutual support thing is terrific. You can start off by just walking the course. There is a coffee social afterwards. http://www.parkrun.org.uk/cleethorpes/course/. Just an idea.

PG

 

[Uncle Spielberg]

That all sounds like a pretty normal reaction to the world. Maybe your base optimism levels are too high? Life sucks and people are endlessly wretched. Once you accept that and retreat it makes things a lot easier.

This is true. It is good to be optimistic although with depression that is so hard. Just also be realistic, do not expect too much, life can be hard for many people on a daily basis. Also your family will, hopefully be there through it all but some friends and partners may not. That is a harsh fact. People generally do what is best for them and their own self preservation. Depression is exhausting to oneself but also others around them. Do not expect too much from other people. The true friends will be there, the loves of our lives also, if they are not, it was not meant to be and you are better off without them, getting stronger yourself. Wishing you well

 

[BlockDpete]

Thank you for sharing your experiences RMT. I find that with depression that just being able to talk to people who are in a similar situation helps. Just shows that you are not alone with these struggles.

I think depression kind of creeps up on you, and then a trigger will bring it full on. The trigger for me was a very traumatic break up with my then GF back in 2012. My thoughts and emotions have varied enormously since then, I see it as a journey of recovery.
I'm on ADs, which I'm OK with. Though running and meditation help too.

I would also add that I find volunteering helps too. I've helped out at my local Parkrun a few times and that seems to improve my mood massively.

What I would say RMT is that you are quite young (24). Do you think the life you a trying to lead is really what you want? Sorry to hear about the baby situation, though would you to really want to be caring for a small child now?

Keep posting on NSC

 

[Mr Banana]

Thank you for sharing your experiences RMT. I find that with depression that just being able to talk to people who are in a similar situation helps. Just shows that you are not alone with these struggles.

I think depression kind of creeps up on you, and then a trigger will bring it full on. The trigger for me was a very traumatic break up with my then GF back in 2012.

Is that a trigger, or is it a very valid reason to be depressed? If one's life circumstances are shit, is depression an illness or a natural response?

 

[Bombadier Botty]

Mindfulness is a valuable tool for 'getting out of your head'. We all spend too much time wallowing in our mental soup.

 

[BlockDpete]

Is that a trigger, or is it a very valid reason to be depressed? If one's life circumstances are shit, is depression an illness or a natural response?

Well we all get down after a relationship break up, whoever finished it. That's a natural response.
It's just with me I felt that at times since then, although I have felt good, when I feel bad it seems to last for a long time and then seems to affect everything in my life.
For a while I struggled to enjoy leisure activities that in the past I would have loved. That's classic depression, not being able to look forward to things.

 

[RM-Taylor]

Another little update.

after my last post on here on Monday night I couldn't really sleep and spent the majority of the night just sat there wide awake with hundreds of thoughts running wild through the mind. I took a handful of sleeping tablets to try and help me get to sleep yet these did nothing so decided to take a full pack of Anadin tablets to see if these would help me just close off for a little while. I think I managed to sleep maybe for an hour maximum. Woke up determined not to feel like this anymore and wanting these thoughts which run through my mind daily to just stop and disappear so I managed to get myself out of bed and out of the house. I knew where I wanted to go and that was to the local train station. My plan was to walk off the edge of the platform infront of the 11.30 service to Newark. At 11.27 I sent a text message saying goodbye to the ex-gf and was in the process of sending a generic I'm sorry message to a few people. I then received a call from the ex-gf who basically stopped me from going ahead and managed to get people involved and phone my dad who then took me away from the station.

I I can't explain why some moments I feel fine and then the next I feel abysmal and I really do wish I knew why.

taking each day as it comes at the moment

 

[Mackenzie]

This needs sorting. Get and see a doctor mate.