A joke to cheer us all up after a rare defeat!

[seagullsdaz]

Two couples on holiday and husbands Paul and Dave decide to try and get their ladies to wife swap.

Amazingly they agree but Paul knows his wife is on her time of the month so he has got 1 up on Dave.

They agree that at breakfast they'll tap the spoon on the table however many times they shagged the others missus.

Next morning Paul grins and taps twice he then looks across at Dave who smiles then taps once on the jam and three times on the Nutella.

 

[User Removed]

Two couples on holiday and husbands Paul and Dave decide to try and get their ladies to wife swap.

Amazingly they agree but Paul knows his wife is on her time of the month so he has got 1 up on Dave.

They agree that at breakfast they'll tap the spoon on the table however many times they shagged the others missus.

Next morning Paul grins and taps twice he then looks across at Dave who smiles then taps once on the jam and three times on the Nutella.

Rubbish.

 

[£1.99]

Made me laugh

 

[Dropkick Turnip]

A couple of naked lesbians barged into the house today, and started wrestling with my wife while she was in the bath.

I tried to help, but I could only knock one out.

 

[User Removed]

A couple of naked lesbians barged into the house today, and started wrestling with my wife while she was in the bath.

I tried to help, but I could only knock one out.

Even worse.

 

[Art Vs Science]

Even worse.

Christ, i bet it's non stop fun for you isn't it. I notice Sarcasm is your only trait. do you post anything other than being sarcastic about other people's posts? Just a non-stop rollercoaster of joy.

 

[Durlston]

I went to the doctor while I was on holiday in Bangkok recently, to get my balls checked out.

While the doc was cupping my dangly bits, she said, "Don't worry, it's normal to get an erection during this kind of examination".

I said, "I haven't got an erection!"

She replied, "No, but I have!"

 

[Couldn't Be Hyypia]

Saw a quote in the paper yesterday in a Simon Anstell interview. When introducing Peter Andre to the audience he described him as "Jordan's third favourite tit and second favourite twat".

 

[matt]

Christ, i bet it's non stop fun for you isn't it. I notice Sarcasm is your only trait. do you post anything other than being sarcastic about other people's posts? Just a non-stop rollercoaster of joy.

What was sarcastic about his post?

 

[IFHB]

Recession Tip:

Wife says to husband "If you cycled to work we could get rid of the second car"
Husband replies " Yes, and if you took it up the dirt and let me jizz over your face we could get rid of the nanny"

 

[Pat McCrotch]

Recession Tip:

Wife says to husband "If you cycled to work we could get rid of the second car"
Husband replies " Yes, and if you took it up the dirt and let me jizz over your face we could get rid of the nanny"

 

[Hercules Rockerfeller]

Saw a quote in the paper yesterday in a Simon Anstell interview. When introducing Peter Andre to the audience he described him as "Jordan's third favourite tit and second favourite twat".

Now THAT is funny!

 

[Barrel of Fun]

A Gentleman of a rather nervous disposition was hiding in the pub whilst his wife prepared to give birth. After hearing nothing for a good 6 hours, the rather tipsy father to be decided to call the hospital for news. Unfortunately he dialled the wrong number and ended up calling the local cricket club.

"What's the latest?" he slurred.

To which the reply was...

"All ten are out and the last three were ducks"

 

[chinners]

Two couples on holiday and husbands Paul and Dave decide to try and get their ladies to wife swap.

Amazingly they agree but Paul knows his wife is on her time of the month so he has got 1 up on Dave.

They agree that at breakfast they'll tap the spoon on the table however many times they shagged the others missus.

Next morning Paul grins and taps twice he then looks across at Dave who smiles then taps once on the jam and three times on the Nutella.

daz im sick of your jokes

 

[seagullsdaz]

daz im sick of your jokes

 

[Art Vs Science]

A Gentleman of a rather nervous disposition was hiding in the pub whilst his wife prepared to give birth. After hearing nothing for a good 6 hours, the rather tipsy father to be decided to call the hospital for news. Unfortunately he dialled the wrong number and ended up calling the local cricket club.

"What's the latest?" he slurred.

To which the reply was...

"All ten are out and the last three were ducks"

#bbcHIGNFY

 

[Philzo-93]

My mate's girlfriend has a bad case of Eczema. He says though she has a cracking fanny.

 

[Buzzer]

I've got a pet snail. I took its shell off to make it faster but just seems to have made it more sluggish.

 

[thedonkeycentrehalf]

I went to see my doctor as I had a really bad pain in my elbow.

She said to me that I would have to stop wanking.

"Why is that" I asked?

To which she replied, "because I'm trying to examine you"

 

[Zebedee]

This one made me chuckle:

The Hotel Bill

Next time you think your hotel bill is too high, you might want to consider this:

My wife and I were travelling by car from Liverpool to Shetland. Being Seniors, after almost seven hours on the road, we were too tired to continue, and decided to take an hotel room in Dundee. But, we only planned to sleep overnight and then get back on the road. When we checked out next morning, the desk clerk handed us a bill for £250.00.

I explode and demanded to know why the charge was so high. I told the clerk although it's a nice hotel; the rooms certainly aren't worth £250.00 for just an overnight stop without even breakfast. The clerk told me that £250.00 is the 'standard rate' so I insisted on speaking to the Manager.

The Manager appeared, listened to me, and then explained that the hotel had an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference centre that they were available for us to use. 'But we didn't use them," I said. ''Well, they are here, and you could have," explained the Manager.

He went on to explain that we could also have taken in one of the in-hotel shows for which the hotel is famous. "We have the best entertainers from Edinburgh, Glasgow, and Aberdeen performing here," the Manager said.

"But we didn't go to any of those shows," I said. "Well, we have them, and you could have," the Manager replied.

No matter what amenity the Manager mentioned, I replied, "But we didn't use it!"

The Manager is unmoved, and eventually I gave up and agreed to pay.

I wrote a cheque and gave it to the Manager.

The Manager was surprised when he looked at the cheque. "But sir, this cheque is only made out for £50.00." ''That's correct. I charged you £200.00 for sleeping with my wife," I replied.

"But I didn't!" exclaims the Manager.

I said, "Well, too bad, she was here, and you could have."

Don't mess with Senior Citizens