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I think it's a little bit about a political mid-life crisis: he told the BBC just now that this matter was "more important to me than my job in parliament". He has only ever been a junior foreign minister, lost two Tory leadership elections and has never really made his mark, big-style, on the...

No! Remember MR AND MRS UDIGAWA?

It's become one of those ridiculous things that don't matter hugely (because of the Civil Contingencies Act, mostly) but MPs think is vital, because it makes them seem important. Like foxhunting. I couldn't have given a stuff either way whether it was banned. Neither could 80pc of the population.

I can confirm that Wozza is WRONG. Possibly.

I normally get an embargo on the Apprentice loser at about 4pm each day. Nothing has arrived so far today. Wozza is MAKING IT UP :D.

Have you DONE this? Anyway, my advice -- go and see a recruitment agency. (My real advice, as someone who did a vocational degree and then couldn't get a full-time job for about nine months, is to go freelance, if that's possible.)

I'm a little bit concerned about the fourth verse, which talks about "crushing the Scots" in a war in which some of my ancestors may have fought (on the Scottish side). Apart from that, and the fact it's a total DIRGEFEST, it's fine. Oh no, hang on, I meant "it's shit".

He's the CHAIRMAN of the council, not the leader. It's like being the Speaker of the Commons as opposed to the PM. But just for Bath. Council chairmen (or mayors) are usually senior types whose days in administration are behind them. And yes -- Bath and NE Somerset council was responsible for...

I have suspected this ever since a particular court case.

Bloody hell. In two months it'll be TEN YEARS since I passed my test. I can still do the Marina roundabout in TEXTBOOK fashion.

Don't get excited. He's been elected as this year's Chairman of Bath and North East Somerset Council. It's like being the mayor of Bath. And it means his diary is posted online! if you're ever in the area, or anything, like...

f*** me backwards you lot -- you've convicted this bloke on the basis of some sketchy details on bloody TalkSPORT or something (oh, Ok, the BBC news website, but still...!) Jury trial or due process anyone? Magna Carta! Magna Carta? Did she die in vain?

Kent v Sussex Canterbury Kent 50 for 1 (21.5 overs) J L Denly lbw b Wright 21 R W T Key not out 23 J C Tredwell not out 0 Extras 6 Fall: 1-49 071756 JUN 08

I know. I put it there.

Kent v Sussex Canterbury Kent 15 for 0 (5.2 overs) J L Denly not out 5 R W T Key not out 7 Extras 3 071628 JUN 08

Oh GOD Kent v Sussex Canterbury Kent 14 for 0 (4.5 overs) Bad Light Stopped Play. J L Denly not out 4 R W T Key not out 7 Extras 3

Kent v Sussex Canterbury Kent 8 for 0 (2 overs) J L Denly not out 0 R W T Key not out 6 Extras 2 071607 JUN 08

Kent v Sussex at Canterbury Starting at last. Canterbury: Kent v Sussex Weather: Overcast Wicket: Firm Kent: J L Denly, R W T Key (Capt), J C Tredwell, M van Jaarsveld D I Stevens, J M Kemp, G O Jones (Wkt), Azhar Mahmood, R McLaren Yasir Arafat, R H Joseph. Sussex: C D Nash, C D Hopkinson, M...

He plays for Plymouth Argyle, apparently. And sources have told the Press Association that it's the goalkeeper, Luke McCormick.

89? Bollocks to that. If I get to the point where I can't walk to the bus stop, or control my own wee or poo, I'm going to stick my head in an oven.