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Buddy Rich - Lovely friendly bloke, had time to talk to everyone around him. John McCririck - Stood by me and telling two pensioners at the Epsom Derby to f*ck off and leave him alone (they were after a photo or a signature or something). A right 'star', if you get my drift.

There will be a directory on your laptop (once iTunes is installed) called summat like My Music/iTunes/iTunes Media/Automatically Download to iTunes. Open two windows explorers, one on the directory above, the other on any mp3s on your laptop that you want on your iPhone. Cut and paste them...

The Funboy Three-Course Meal (supported by The Specials Board) Boyz II Menu A La Carte The Unstoppable Sex Machine

Roy Wood-You-Like-Fries-With-That?

The Above Average Weight Band.

Yes. I am the digital equivalent of Lee Hendrie.

I got to about 22 years of age, won everything with Barcelona, played in two tournaments for England, scoring loads. Owned all the properties, vehicles, and bling. Had a girlfriend who'd swallow and everything. Then the game locked up on me. Couldn't get it to restart. Gone back to the...

Park wherever you like. Mind you, if you're Chris Eubanks you're presumably doing that already anyway.

Yum yum, pig's bum!

Five pages and no one's mentioned this. Reach for the Kleenex fellas. YouTube - Broadcast Yourself.

Oh God, lying in bed until 1am playing this last night. I've gone from Boston Utd to Liverpool in one go, helping them win the Premier League (well, it IS a game), and the FA Cup. Called up for England, a couple of appearances off the bench and now a few starts. And I'm still 18. Not earning...

He scraped in last season. I don't think any Utd players got any medals this season though. Arf Arf!!

He's happy picking up winners medals while warming a bench and collecting his pay cheque.

Ha ha!

Daft assumption - have you seen England take pens?

If Insert Strikers Name Here really did score when he wanted, every game would end 67-0. So no, he doesn't score when he wants, he scores when a realistic opportunity arises which he is capable of finishing in a positive way. That doesn't scan though.

My girlfriend used to take great pleasure in pointing out that the L'Oreal adverts for Cheryl Cole's luscious hair (the woman I deeply deeply love), had a comment on the bottom pointing out that Ms Cole was wearing heair extensions! "Fancy her all you like, half of her is fake!"

Ben Goldacre covers a lot of this in his Bad Science book. In moisturising cream there are a couple of ingredients which make it moisturise. These ingredients are cheap. The OTHER ingredients, which make it expensive, have no moisturising effect at all. They're just scientific crap to make you...

Oh God. I've played twelve games and its asking me to pay to carry on. My hand is shaking, I'm not online here, and won't be until I get home this evening. I may need to rob a sub post office, or burgle some houses to get the money I need to feed this habit. AAaaaaarrrrrgh!

I've opened it. Bye bye everyone. Nice knowing you all.