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Peter Crouch, Tom Pope.

As I was walking past I saw Delia howling "Lets be 'avin you!" at a coach load of ukelele players. A George Formby lookalike took offence when Ms Smith offered him one of her homemade chicken balti pies. Banjo the police dog got a whiff of Delia's crust and bit a fat steward. 42 coppers waded in...

That Leona tart in the gloves is about as useful as a one armed trapeze artist with an itchy arse.

Bread pudding.

Clegg is so lightweight. LibDems are gonna get wiped out in May.

Krankie backs Ed shocker

What have the Welsh got to do with it?

Wimp Clegg followed by a Krankie

First one's a Sheila!!!

It'll be Punch and Judy without the frying pan and sausages

How many Wowchers is that?

Fabulous news. One of the all time pies.

Will there be advert breaks.....

Next stop - 2 x 90 overs a side. Last man bats on. Umpires get 1 ask the crowd and 1 phone a friend per innings.

Seasick Steve

Formerly decent singers, Brian Ferry and Bazza Manilow are now, quite frankly, utter shite.

He was a test tube baby, produced from the sperm of Nobby Stiles and the ova of Marcia Williams, then implanted in the womb of Barbara Windsor who was then granted immunity from Sid James.

Bobby Moore, Harold Wilson, The Good The Bad and The Ugly(aka Argentina).

Remember 1966?