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Mick Mills on Radio Suffolk reckons he can smell a Town victory. Wonder what it smells like.

Well, I think Himid is good at this level, and Merry can be great for us. Not starting together though. We need one to start with a Baldcock type player, but one who scores at least once every 5 games.

Danny is gone and he won't be coming back. We ain't no Holla back club. Ahem.

Aluminium. Is the player absolute sheet?

Every ten minutes the theme tune from Bread should be played over the PA system. And there should be a beamback of the 37th minute of every game shown live at the all night café. Get your freak on.

I remember the night I attended Sandi Toksvig's 55th birthday bash. Sandi was as high as a kite as usual, all bulging eyeballs and dribbling Cinzano Bianco all over my nice new silk short-sleeve shirt. Sandi promised me that Trevor MacDonald and Patsy Palmer would be arriving. I recall...

Well, if he isn't going to play this season, it does beg a few questions. I can see us bringing another (possibly Perm experience) midfielder in and Towell going out on loan. Is it a 2 year contract he is on? Might be the same as O'Grady to get him off the payroll. Personally, I would like to...

Barry Lloyd would have had him signed up by now. Throw a couple of tracksuits in Bilbao's direction. Take said footballer's mother out for a curry. Bhajis, samosas, little drop of wallop. Whatever she wants. Bingo. Or Lotto. Or whatever it's called. House!

If we were waiting for a fee from the sale of Stephens, wouldn't that fee have to be used to pay for the Stephens' replacement?

No. I'll be going to see The BFG at the weekend instead. With mini Cheggers of course. Hopefully, it's not too cheesy. See what I did there?! My sincerest apologies.

Keith Chegwin

Well, if he wasn't before, it's now or never. Sorry.

Solly is quick, silky and can finish. Could he not play in the Baldock/Wilson role rather than splashing out for a budget breaking forward with pace? He wouldn't then be competing with Knocky, Skalak, Murphy or Lua Lua. Plus he is still young and has time to adapt his game.

Did you go with an 'old boot' from the White Horse. However, it turned out to be very lucky as you thought you had knocked her up, but the father turned out to be Mad Cyril instead from the week before? I apologise for the use of the term 'old boot' to all woman potentially offended. Mad Cyril...

42. BIDMAS, no?

He's alright. I didn't mind Livin' La Vida Loca, bit it's not really my cup of tea.

Bloody hell. Memories. All down the front for Grooverider and Pigbag. Don't stop rushin'! Booyaka!

But can COG play centre midfield like Kayal or Stephens, or centre back or full back, or spend 85 minutes scratching has arse and throwing up on the touchline in the Wilson roll? 3 weeks to go and all that has happened is we have brought in a 40 year old Judas and a defender from Scotland. It's...

Whack it with a hammer?!

It's all been a big mix up and a humbling climb down from the club. The club were meant to convey the message that the new £60m start striker is in fact, Eartha Kitt. Thank you and good night.