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[Misc] Christmas and mental health...the annual thread



hart's shirt

hart's shirt

Well-known member
Jul 8, 2003
11,174
Kitbag in Dubai
Bozza said:
Long day. Tough day.

First Christmas since my mum broke her hip, and went off a dementia/Alzheimer's cliff-edge.

She came to my house for the day, and we did our best. I think the day for my mum was as good as it could be for her, which is the main thing, but for me, the whole day just felt sad.

Christmas was always really important for my mum - the family getting together, the present giving and receiving, the food, the rubbish TV and hours upon hours of games, and the laughs that brought.

Mum was here, but she wasn't really here. That version of my mum is now gone. It's difficult to get a smile or any kind of laugh out of her, and I spent most of the day just thinking back to all those Christmases which are now never going to happen again.

I know it's just one day, but it feels so much more than that.
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Very sorry to hear this, Bozza.

It's a poignant time of year for so many. Some that are no longer here, some that are still here but things aren't the same.

I lost my mother last year - 16 years of Parkinson's which had progressed to Stage 4 which I wouldn't wish on anyone. Since returning back in September 2020 to live with both of them and help out with the caring, it's fair to say that Christmases were different than what I remember before leaving. The neighbours very generously brought round some of their Christmas dinner and we'd play it by ear as to when and whether Mum was able to have any at that time. We've had new neighbours in the last 2 years and they've continued the tradition. :)

At almost 90 but still in good health, Dad will be making his final move in a few weeks time back to Bournemouth where he grew up. That 58 year season of life in marriage with my mother came to an end on her passing - he gets the chance now to start a new chapter. Since her passing, his mental health challenges of carer burnout have gone. And when he's left the house, I plan to move on too.

There's no right or wrong here - it's just how things are. And you feel as you do at any given time. It's quite ok to grieve before someone's passing for a time that once was and won't be again. Every day that I saw my mother in the state that she was, it was as if part of her had gone before she eventually did. I can only imagine what it's like with dementia/Alzheimer's, but then every situation is different with unique challenges. We all have our own race to run.

Bozza, through NSC you have enriched the day-to-day lives of so many of us on here for so many years, many of whom you'll never meet. It's easy for us to focus on the comparatively small differences we have on here and make mountains out of molehills with unforgiving spirits rather than be grateful for having the chance to share universal experiences that we all go through.

Thanks for helping us do life together online. I hope this brings you a little comfort at the end of a long day.

And for everyone else on the thread, if being merry this Christmas isn't possible or appropriate for you at this time, I wish you a peaceful New Year.

HS
 




Bry Nylon

Bry Nylon

Test your smoke alarm
Helpful Moderator
Jul 21, 2003
20,673
Playing snooker
hart's shirt said:
Bozza, through NSC you have enriched the day-to-day lives of so many of us on here for so many years, many of whom you'll never meet. It's easy for us to focus on the comparatively small differences we have on here and make mountains out of molehills with unforgiving spirits rather than be grateful for having the chance to share universal experiences that we all go through.

Thanks for helping us do life together online. I hope this brings you a little comfort at the end of a long day.
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Perfectly put.
 


Harry Wilson's tackle

Harry Wilson's tackle

Harry Wilson's Tackle
NSC Patron
Oct 8, 2003
56,733
Faversham
Bozza said:
Long day. Tough day.

First Christmas since my mum broke her hip, and went off a dementia/Alzheimer's cliff-edge.

She came to my house for the day, and we did our best. I think the day for my mum was as good as it could be for her, which is the main thing, but for me, the whole day just felt sad.

Christmas was always really important for my mum - the family getting together, the present giving and receiving, the food, the rubbish TV and hours upon hours of games, and the laughs that brought.

Mum was here, but she wasn't really here. That version of my mum is now gone. It's difficult to get a smile or any kind of laugh out of her, and I spent most of the day just thinking back to all those Christmases which are now never going to happen again.

I know it's just one day, but it feels so much more than that.
Click to expand...

My best wishes to you, Darren and all others with stuff to deal with.
We must all stay strong.
We are humans.
It is what we do.

:thumbsup:
 
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Zeberdi

Zeberdi

“Vorsprung durch Technik”
NSC Patron
Oct 20, 2022
7,275
Bry Nylon said:
Since I’ve been living by myself these last few years, Christmas for me is a time to take stock and have a bit of re-set.

Happily, my two kids don’t live too far way and whilst we spend a few hours together on Christmas morning, which for me is joyous, once they’ve gone back to their mum I pretty much check out of the whole thing. So by midday today I’d pulled on my boots and headed for a long, long walk across the fields and through woods and little villages until dusk.

There’s something about walking in the country in the depths of midwinter that I find good for the soul - something stripped-back and uncluttered. The bare trees and hedgerows and ploughed fields provide the perfect backdrop for thinking about everything thinking about nothing, depending on how you feel.

Every now and then, as I made my way through seemingly lifeless villages, I’d pass close to the windows of a house or a cottage and catch the sounds of a family Christmas lunch in full swing just the other side of the glass. I’ll admit, that stung a bit; but I’ve enjoyed lots of those in the past and I guess life moves on for all of us. (Plus, as I walked by I smiled to myself as I envisaged the inevitable family rows that would be breaking out later and that by Boxing Day they’d all be sick of the sight of each other).

Not sure why I wrote all this. But whatever sort of Christmas Day you’ve had, nothing stays the same forever - so cherish the happy times but don’t forget to live in the moment too, because right now is what matters.

A peaceful Christmas to one and all.
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Beautifully put and spot on..

I feel like that every day being lucky to live and work in a very quiet and peaceful rural area, surrounded by forest, fields, lakes and rivers. After a week in London, I’ll be more than ready to get back to it.

Glad you had a peaceful day 😍
 


Harry Wilson's tackle

Harry Wilson's tackle

Harry Wilson's Tackle
NSC Patron
Oct 8, 2003
56,733
Faversham
Bry Nylon said:
Since I’ve been living by myself these last few years, Christmas for me is a time to take stock and have a bit of re-set.

Happily, my two kids don’t live too far way and whilst we spend a few hours together on Christmas morning, which for me is joyous, once they’ve gone back to their mum I pretty much check out of the whole thing. So by midday today I’d pulled on my boots and headed for a long, long walk across the fields and through woods and little villages until dusk.

There’s something about walking in the country in the depths of midwinter that I find good for the soul - something stripped-back and uncluttered. The bare trees and hedgerows and ploughed fields provide the perfect backdrop for thinking about everything or thinking about nothing, depending on how you feel.

Every now and then, as I made my way through seemingly lifeless villages, I’d pass close to the windows of a house or a cottage and catch the sounds of a family Christmas lunch in full swing just the other side of the glass. I’ll admit, that stung a bit; but I’ve enjoyed lots of those in the past and I guess life moves on for all of us. (Plus, as I walked by I smiled to myself as I envisaged the inevitable family rows that would be breaking out later and that by Boxing Day they’d all be sick of the sight of each other).

Not sure why I wrote all this. But whatever sort of Christmas Day you’ve had, nothing stays the same forever - so cherish the happy times but don’t forget to live in the moment too, because right now is what matters.

A peaceful Christmas to one and all.
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As long as your kids are in a good place now and for the foreseeable*, the rest of your life is in your hands.

You seem like a smart man so I suspect you understand the landscape.

Darren introduced us briefly some years ago.
I hope we get the chance to meet again sometime.
You are definitely NSC's master of wit and king of comedy. :bowdown:

Take care of yourself.

*best to stay close to the tent of the ex. My ex eventually sent my son back to live with me, after 5 years in Canada. But 20 years later I discovered it was on his insistence. That was a shock that I still haven't yet processed.
 




P

pearl

Well-known member
May 3, 2016
13,222
Behind My Eyes
Bry Nylon said:
Since I’ve been living by myself these last few years, Christmas for me is a time to take stock and have a bit of re-set.

Happily, my two kids don’t live too far way and whilst we spend a few hours together on Christmas morning, which for me is joyous, once they’ve gone back to their mum I pretty much check out of the whole thing. So by midday today I’d pulled on my boots and headed for a long, long walk across the fields and through woods and little villages until dusk.

There’s something about walking in the country in the depths of midwinter that I find good for the soul - something stripped-back and uncluttered. The bare trees and hedgerows and ploughed fields provide the perfect backdrop for thinking about everything or thinking about nothing, depending on how you feel.

Every now and then, as I made my way through seemingly lifeless villages, I’d pass close to the windows of a house or a cottage and catch the sounds of a family Christmas lunch in full swing just the other side of the glass. I’ll admit, that stung a bit; but I’ve enjoyed lots of those in the past and I guess life moves on for all of us. (Plus, as I walked by I smiled to myself as I envisaged the inevitable family rows that would be breaking out later and that by Boxing Day they’d all be sick of the sight of each other).

Not sure why I wrote all this. But whatever sort of Christmas Day you’ve had, nothing stays the same forever - so cherish the happy times but don’t forget to live in the moment too, because right now is what matters.

A peaceful Christmas to one and all.
Click to expand...
Your Christmas Day sounds lovely (y)
 


The Clamp

The Clamp

Well-known member
Jan 11, 2016
26,419
West is BEST
Bry Nylon said:
Since I’ve been living by myself these last few years, Christmas for me is a time to take stock and have a bit of re-set.

Happily, my two kids don’t live too far way and whilst we spend a few hours together on Christmas morning, which for me is joyous, once they’ve gone back to their mum I pretty much check out of the whole thing. So by midday today I’d pulled on my boots and headed for a long, long walk across the fields and through woods and little villages until dusk.

There’s something about walking in the country in the depths of midwinter that I find good for the soul - something stripped-back and uncluttered. The bare trees and hedgerows and ploughed fields provide the perfect backdrop for thinking about everything or thinking about nothing, depending on how you feel.

Every now and then, as I made my way through seemingly lifeless villages, I’d pass close to the windows of a house or a cottage and catch the sounds of a family Christmas lunch in full swing just the other side of the glass. I’ll admit, that stung a bit; but I’ve enjoyed lots of those in the past and I guess life moves on for all of us. (Plus, as I walked by I smiled to myself as I envisaged the inevitable family rows that would be breaking out later and that by Boxing Day they’d all be sick of the sight of each other).

Not sure why I wrote all this. But whatever sort of Christmas Day you’ve had, nothing stays the same forever - so cherish the happy times but don’t forget to live in the moment too, because right now is what matters.

A peaceful Christmas to one and all.
Click to expand...
Great post. I hope you’re feeling good today.

Walking in the countryside saved my life, so I relate strongly to this.
 


The Clamp

The Clamp

Well-known member
Jan 11, 2016
26,419
West is BEST
Had an okay day.

But a terrible night. Went to bed at 8:30 and could not sleep until 4am.

Repetitive thoughts and restlessness set in.

Even listening to my trusty Alan Partridge audiobooks didn’t help me sleep.

Eventually got off to sleep at about 4.

Night shifts f***ing with me?

Meeting a friend for coffee shortly and then friends for a walk and then a pint so I’m hoping for a better day and a better sleep.

I struggled yesterday evening and night. Let’s see if I can remedy that today.

Back to work tomorrow so I’ll be back on course but I’m starting to worry that I can’t enjoy time off because of the shift work.

I am gonna work on my boss to allow me to use some holiday and take a month off completely but I’ve only just started not only a new role for me but a brand new venture for the organisation with new contracts being worked on, so it’s not ideal.

I’m also getting a bit sick of having to use holiday just to recover rather than actually go somewhere and relax and enjoy myself.
 
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The Clamp

The Clamp

Well-known member
Jan 11, 2016
26,419
West is BEST
Bozza said:
Long day. Tough day.

First Christmas since my mum broke her hip, and went off a dementia/Alzheimer's cliff-edge.

She came to my house for the day, and we did our best. I think the day for my mum was as good as it could be for her, which is the main thing, but for me, the whole day just felt sad.

Christmas was always really important for my mum - the family getting together, the present giving and receiving, the food, the rubbish TV and hours upon hours of games, and the laughs that brought.

Mum was here, but she wasn't really here. That version of my mum is now gone. It's difficult to get a smile or any kind of laugh out of her, and I spent most of the day just thinking back to all those Christmases which are now never going to happen again.

I know it's just one day, but it feels so much more than that.
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Sorry to read this. Had similar with my StepDad so I know how dementia can be, especially on high days and holidays.

It’s all part of life and death, albeit a ghastly aspect of it all. But it can be like swallowing mud on days like Christmas.

I hope you’re okay.
 








Weststander

Weststander

Well-known member
NSC Patron
Aug 25, 2011
69,989
Withdean area
BrightonCottager said:
And me, once the in laws leave. Mrs BC said "I wish everyone would just effing go" as soon as she got up this morning. And they're her family!
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:lolol:. Luckily for me we're in agreement here on just our family for these days.

Did a load of recycling/litter picking en route too, so satisfying. Millions of others do it too, it makes a difference :smile: .
 








A

AlbionBro

Well-known member
Jun 6, 2020
1,470
Paulie Gualtieri said:
Always a difficult one to judge when grief is involved.

You could always pop over there and spend a shorter period of time with her, thus giving her some company and an offer should she wish to come over later, but equally the option of time and space.

Nice that you are thinking of her at this time 👍🏻
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It looks like her sister has spent the whole Christmas with her which is probably better than anything else she could have had, but we will keep an eye open as it's loneliness that could be around the corner in the coming years.
 


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