What's your favourite Bernard Manning line?

[Harty]

A class act he took the piss out of everyone but most of all himself.

"They say you are what you eat.....and I'm a c**t" or
"I couldn't be a poof, I couldn't stand blokes turning me down as well"

RIP Bernard

 

[1066gull]

Wrong thread.

 

[readingstockport]

My favourite line of his?


urghhhhhhhh

as the fat facist breathed his last.

RIH you fat ****.

 

[Safeway]

On Roy Castle: "100% of all non-smokers die."

 

[looney]

A pakistani goes up to heavan and knocks on the pearly gates. St Peter looks out and says, "Whats your name"?

"Mohammed"

StPeter turns round and says "Who ordered a f***ing Taxi?".

 

[portlock seagull]

Everyone's a little bit racist
Sometimes.
Doesn't mean we go
Around committing hate crimes.
Look around and you will find
No one's really color blind.
Maybe it's a fact
We all should face
Everyone makes judgments
Based on race.

Everyone's a little bit racist
Today.
So, everyone's a little bit racist
Okay!
Ethinic jokes might be uncouth,
But you laugh because
They're based on truth.
Don't take them as
Personal attacks.
Everyone enjoys them -
So relax!

If we all could just admit
That we are racist a little bit,
Even though we all know
That it's wrong,
Maybe it would help us
Get along.

Everyone's a little bit racist
It's true.
But everyone is just about
As racist as you!
If we all could just admit
That we are racist a little bit,
And everyone stopped being
So PC
Maybe we could live in -
Harmony!

 

[The Large One]

Bloke goes to the doctor. The doctor says to him 'You know, you're going to have to stop wanking.'

The fella replies 'why, is it making me go blind?'

'No' says the doctor. 'You're upsetting everyone in the waiting room...'

 

[clapham_gull]

A class act he took the piss out of everyone but most of all himself.

RIP Bernard

No he didn't, his claim that "anything was worthy of comedy" was more than slightly undermined by his other claim that he wouldn't make jokes about the disabled.

 

[magoo]

saying he took the piss out of everyone is bollocks. i don't think he really made jokes about working class northerners did he?

 

[Gully]

...make that thick working class northerners...errm, probably not, but he made a fair amount of money making them laugh.

 

[Hunting 784561]

What's the difference between an Iraqi woman and a pilchard ?

One's oily and greasy with huge bulging eyes, and the other's a fish.





ouch

 

[Norman Baker suck my lozenge]

Bloke returns home all excited,
"pack yer bags love I've won the pools"
"ooh,where we going,what shall I pack,something glamorous,something casual?"
"We're going nowhere ,just pack yer bags and f*** off."

 

[Hiney]

What's the difference between an Iraqi woman and a pilchard ?

One's oily and greasy with huge bulging eyes, and the other's a fish.





ouch

HAHAHAHA

That made me laugh!

 

[aftershavedave]

A class act he took the piss out of everyone but most of all himself.

"They say you are what you eat.....and I'm a c**t" or
"I couldn't be a poof, I couldn't stand blokes turning me down as well"

RIP Bernard

i thought better of you ian.

a thread to encourage sexist racist nastiness? why?

 

[Tesco in Disguise]

[on british immigration] "a dog born in a stable doesn't make it a horse."

i shall be shitting in his coffin and dancing on his grave.

 

[Lokki 7]

HAHAHAHA

That made me laugh!

Can I ask why?
Iraqi women are far and away more attractive than the fat northern slags that make up a Bernard Manning gig.

 

[cannedheat]

Bernard Manning still pissing of 6th formers after his death,:bowdown

 

[Tesco in Disguise]

Bernard Manning still pissing of 6th formers after his death,:bowdown

if by '6th formers' you mean people in education, je pose ma valise.

 

[Safeway]

i shall be shitting in his coffin and dancing on his grave.

I bet you don't.

 

[Tony Meolas Loan Spell]

The World Famous Embassy club

The inspriration behing Phoenix Nights!!!