What next? A thread of things that could still block Falmer

[Lady Whistledown]

It is surprisingly revealed that ancient Saxon land deeds gifted the land to a remote descendant of tabloid superstar Jade Goody.

On hearing the news, Ms Goody descends on Sussex immediately, in order to develop a new beauty salon on the site.

She announces to the local press "it's great to be in Sessux innit, I always wanted to go abroad. I hope that the people of this area are as dedicated to the concept of human beauty as I am, and I'll be here personally as much as I can to wax the bikini lines of the people of this lovely area, East Angular. I mean Sessex. Now where's Wayne, I need me kebab doing"

 

[ali jenkins]

A stadium gets built and Brighton and Hove Albion move in and it inspires the team to the dizzy heights of the championship relegation zone!

 

[Lady Whistledown]

A stadium gets built and Brighton and Hove Albion move in and it inspires the team to the dizzy heights of the championship relegation zone!

Now that's just silly talk isn't it

 

[The Oldman]

The Judge at the hearing in December having heard the heartfelt pleas of Lewes District Council decides to order Ruth Kelly to the court to have her explain how the mistake over the boundary of the site was made.

Ruthie tells the Judge that it was all down to a certain chap called Prescott, who whilst at the Labour Party Conference in Brighton was so overcome by a march of Albion supporters showing him how much they adored him, that he decided to have a quiet look at the Falmer site himself. So that he would not be observed he went in the dark to the area and all he could see were street lights and buildings plus he was nearly run over trying to cross a dual carriageway. " Dear me" or words to that affect says Prescott "this ain't no countryside it's all in the city"

And that M'lord is how it happened says Ruthie. The Judge considers carefully. "My good friends from Lewes tell me that in fact it's a beautiful Sussex Village so I can only conclude that Mr Prescott was telling Porkies" "No No" says Ruthie "he had them at Withdean not Falmer"

The judge finds it all very confusing but finally gives his judgement.

"I believe Mr Prescott was entirely wrong in his judgement. Any person who eats pies at Withdean cannot be trusted. I order you to refuse this planning application and I award £6million costs to Lewes District council to be paid for by Brighton & Hove Albion."

The Argus reports the next day that Brighton & Hove Albion are bankrupt as all its creditors have asked for immediate payment of debts.

A spokesman for Lewes District Council says "this justifies our opposition to the Stadium at Falmer and we are pleased to also have helped those unfortunate people at Withdean who have suffered so much over the past years. Now the club is bankrupt we believe that the Withdean stadium will be closed to professional football."



My friends that is a nightmare that I hope will not come true.

 

[bhafc99]

Planning permission is fianlly granted, and the building contractors are given the go-ahead.

Sadly they're unable to find a "beautiful unspoilt village, umm, no, downland site, home only to butterflies and ramblers with views in every direction." (© LDC).

After three weeks driving their lorries around trying to find it, they give up.