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[Travel] What is the best, and worst, toilets you've ever visited in the UK?







Titanic

Super Moderator
Helpful Moderator
Jul 5, 2003
39,694
West Sussex
The gents in the Philharmonic pub in Liverpool are quite remarkable...

Screen Shot 06-28-24 at 10.26 AM.JPG
 


WATFORD zero

Well-known member
NSC Patron
Jul 10, 2003
27,353
I remember some years back, someone returning to the office after lunch with photos of the toilets in the Regency Tavern which were impressively opulent. He then told us how he had to explain to an incoming patron what he was doing standing in the middle of the gents taking photos :wink:
 


Boroseagull

Well-known member
Aug 23, 2003
2,110
Alhaurin de la Torre
Best at Covent Garden, ultra clean, brass and copper shining. Worst, Stafford Rangers FC, smell it 25 mtrs away, a long wall to pee against, no hand washing etc.
 






AlbionBro

Well-known member
Jun 6, 2020
1,397
Vetch Field is up there with one of the worst football ground toilets I’ve been in. I couldn’t believe how dark it was in there but when my eyes adjusted I could just make out a large Birmingham City crest drawn on the wall :smile:
I believe Wookey hole is better lit than the Vetch's toilets, your eyes are obviously better than mine to see that! My sense were working overtime alright, but on the stench!
 


cheshunt seagull

Well-known member
Jul 5, 2003
2,572
I ran a course at Walthamstow Public Library a few years back. It was next to the market and all the market traders came into the one small toilet to have their morning dump. Horrific. Also remember going in the aluminium urinals at Priestfield which were designed for maximum splashback. Wore shorts once, maybe our first game there, and came back with a soaking leg and most of it wasn't mine.
 


stewart12

Well-known member
Jan 16, 2019
1,790
last summer I went on holiday to Saltcoats in Scotland staying in a caravan park. We were a bit early on the day of arrival so popped into the town. My son decided he needed the toilet after a long drive so we found some public toilets on the seafront. My word. It was a bit like that scene in trainspotting, absolute dive

Always found the public ones opposite the number 7 bus stop at the top of george street to be really, really grim
 




Cheeky Monkey

Well-known member
Jul 17, 2003
23,622
Public khazis, Place Lane, Seaford. The stench of urine in that facility has been consistently overpowering for 20 years plus. You could burn those bogs down, spray the foundations with radioactive decontamination foam and put a pot pourri shop on top and you'd still smell it. Not to mention the khazi pans being regularly covered in arse choccy. Avoid.
 


Bry Nylon

Test your smoke alarm
Helpful Moderator
Jul 21, 2003
20,386
Playing snooker
Worst: The Reflex, an 80s nightclub in Nottingham city centre. The floor was basically a rancid pond of piss and pubes lapping around your shoes, and the cubicle was straight out of Trainspotting.

Best: Hotel Riu Tequila, Yucutan Peninsula, Mexico. Spotless glistening marble from floor to ceiling, a pleasing scent of crushed blueberries, and a toilet rim you could eat sushi from. Which I duly did, the night before leaving.
Your appearance on this thread puts me in mind of your 'jogging' incident, when your emergency dump was inadvertently executed in full view of a passing trainload of startled passengers. Never fails to make me laugh - I may have to go and try to find it. (The original post, not the foul deposit, obvs).
 


Mellotron

I've asked for soup
Jul 2, 2008
32,298
Brighton
Not the worst, but a special mention should go to the ones in Churchill Square.

Always utterly boiling in there for some reason, and they always utterly stink.
 




Easy 10

Brain dead MUG SHEEP
Jul 5, 2003
62,145
Location Location
Your appearance on this thread puts me in mind of your 'jogging' incident, when your emergency dump was inadvertently executed in full view of a passing trainload of startled passengers. Never fails to make me laugh - I may have to go and try to find it. (The original post, not the foul deposit, obvs).
Yes, that was quite the adventure. Westbound passengers arriving at Southwick Station in the late afternoon that day may have been greeted by a brief passing spectacle of me behind a tree conducting an impromtu cleaning-up operation on my nipsy, using my own undercrackers (which were subsequently abandoned amongst the leaves).

We've all been there.
 


Lyndhurst 14

Well-known member
Jan 16, 2008
5,198
Always impressed with the Portaloos on hiking trails in the States considering the amount of use they get.
 


Guinness Boy

Tofu eating wokerati
Helpful Moderator
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Jul 23, 2003
36,600
Up and Coming Sunny Portslade
I note the OP put 'in the UK' but I'm going to mention the worst ever anyway, which was the hole in the ground that served as the single shitter at a football tournament for 12 eleven a side (plus subs, fans and 'coaches') teams in Kaoshuing, Taiwan, a place that's still warm in winter and never drops below 30c in summer. You could smell it from Belgium. And, yes, we did go out on the lash on the Saturday night and then 'play' on the Sunday.

However, the worst in England, by an absolute country mile, is the toilets upstairs at the pub attached to the Premier Inn in Wolverhampton where they make any away fan who hasn't been sensible enough to drink in Birmingham go. We were in there the season we beat them 3-2 in November and, because there was a train strike, we were on Seagull Travel. It got to Wolves before the car park opened at around midday. By 1pm climbing the stairs to the kermits was fraught with danger due to the combination of the smell and stickiness of said stairs. Once you got in there the floor was two centimetres deep in "water" and someone had vommed in a cubicle, which was blocked. Although that wasn't putting off the queue of 10 or so young lads who urgently needed a shit :moo: .

The best is Etch in Hove. They have the proper heated button controlled Japanese khazis of my dreams.
 
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PILTDOWN MAN

Well-known member
NSC Patron
Sep 15, 2004
19,297
Hurst Green
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-london-64430454

One doesn't expect to die having a pee.

However these ones outside The Cambridge Covent Garden take some beating. If you can be done for exposure having a pee in a lay-by yet here in the centre of a very busy area men are expected to get their bits out. It's suitable for two types, those that are proud and like to show, then those that are so small no one sees anything.
 


PILTDOWN MAN

Well-known member
NSC Patron
Sep 15, 2004
19,297
Hurst Green
Not the best but very well looked after are the Battle Train Station toilets.
 


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