What are your favourite opening gambits from Jehova's Witnesses?

[WATFORD O]

I dont have a problem with JW's. I know a few and they are all fine.

Now as for f***ing muslims...............

 

[Silent Bob]

If you have a problem with them don't f*** them then.

 

[Gully]

I very politely tell them that I am Jewish, I would tell them that I am Catholic but reckon that it would be stupid not to play on the fact that I have a rather large nose and an uncanny resemblance to David Baddiel...

 

[Binney on acid]

Just tell them that you are in the middle of satanic ritual, and ask them if they know where you can obtain goats blood, or just say "take your clothes off, the altar is in the living room". That normally throws them.

 

[Biscuit]

Better than scientologists I suppose. At least their not after your money.

The old 'murderers' line works quite well, as does 'Go away, you are upsetting my daily routine' or something along those lines.

Or explode into a jamacian accent and preach "'ear me now!" and go off on a rant. That works.

 

[Gully]

...or perhaps in anticipation, answer the door with your trousers round your ankles and offer the opening gambit "do you mind waiting until I have finished my s**t?", may just put them off...

 

[mejonaNO12 aka riskit]

Better than scientologists I suppose. At least their not after your money.

The old 'murderers' line works quite well, as does 'Go away, you are upsetting my daily routine' or something along those lines.

Or explode into a jamacian accent and preach "'ear me now!" and go off on a rant. That works.

we know a FIT JW though, dont we!?

 

[withdeanwombat]

They opened with

"Ooo,glad we caught you at home"

I responded with

"Go forth and multiply,for it is Christmas Day"

Which it was.

 

[Lord Bracknell]

Best riposte I can recommend ...


"Great. I'm Jehovah. How are we doing?"

 

[Caveman]

The watchtower is a great read.
If you don't believe you wont go to heaven you know.
What number do you live at Lord Bracknell I'm in the area soon.

 

[Caveman]

 

[HampshireSeagulls]

I tell them I'm a Brighton supporter.

They normally f*** off and leave me as a hopeless case.

 

[dougdeep]

A couple call on me every fortnight. We discuss football and motor racing, then they give me there mags and I put them in the recycling bin. We get on really well.

 

[Cian]

"We're here to talk about God"

"Sorry, I've been sacrificing a pig and theres a big mess on the offering room floor, can you call back later?"

Works on JW, Mormons and the Legion of Mary (catholics)

 

[Yorkie]

They haven't found me in Newhaven yet but I got blacklisted in Huddersfield for trying to convert them

 

[lizard]

I would generally advise inviting them in to listen to Slayer with you.

 

[Stendahl]

My flat mate smugly gave me the big 'So sorry to see you heading off to work on a Sunday afternoon, you loser' spiel as I left him, settled in front of the Big Match with his toasties and four-pack, and headed off to clock on at Casey Jones. Unfortunately for him a couple of JWs were just about to knock on our door as I opened it. "Come in," I told them, "I've got to shoot off, but my friend is fascinated by this sort of thing. Just go straight through to the lounge." I closed the door behind me and just walked away.

 

[ben andrews' girlfriend]

My flat mate smugly gave me the big 'So sorry to see you heading off to work on a Sunday afternoon, you loser' spiel as I left him, settled in front of the Big Match with his toasties and four-pack, and headed off to clock on at Casey Jones. Unfortunately for him a couple of JWs were just about to knock on our door as I opened it. "Come in," I told them, "I've got to shoot off, but my friend is fascinated by this sort of thing. Just go straight through to the lounge." I closed the door behind me and just walked away.

Haha brilliant!!!!