What are your best office/workplace comedy gold moments?

[Playing On The Grit]

One of our managers came in to the office today and took the piss out of one of the operations team for his pink stripey shirt. He rather loudly slated the poor guy for wearing his gay pyjamas to work...just as the MD took his coat off to reveal exactly the same shirt!

The self satisfied manager's smug laughter turned to embarrassment as the joke turned on him.

Anybody else have any office comedy gold stories?

 

[Nibble]

I once raped everyone in my office. That was pretty funny.

 

[Tom Hark Preston Park]

Think it would have to be the occasion when my dozy Welsh colleague, one Gareth Thomas by name, managed to somehow dunk the boss's mobile in a cup of Bovril - while the boss was anxiously awaiting a call to confirm exchange of contracts on his new house

 

[Easy 10]

I trapped one of my workmates in the lift once.

It was lunchtime and I was off to the pub. The lift doors were just closing, so I ran to catch it before they shut, and jammed my foot in it, expecting the doors to just open again. But they didn't. They just stayed stuck with a gap of about 3-4 inches. We couldn't get the doors to fully open or close, and obviously the lift wouldn't move. So he used the lift phone to call Reception, I apologised to him profusely, took the stairs to the ground floor, and went to the pub as planned.

He was still trapped in the lift an hour later when I got back. I couldn't help it, I laughed, which didn't go down too well. Otis didn't turn up for another 45 minutes or so either.

 

[Nibble]

I once pretended I had AIDS for a whole year and used to run about the office pretending I had cut myself. I hadn't and I don't. We all had a good laugh the day I told the truth. It was cancer.

 

[Bars Mar]

I once pretended I had AIDS for a whole year and used to run about the office pretending I had cut myself. I hadn't and I don't. We all had a good laugh the day I told the truth. It was cancer.

Doesn't Really Count Because Nobody Was In The Office At 9.45pm When You Were There Cleaning It.

We Were Expecting Some Comedy Incident Involving A Mop, A Wet T-shirt And A Bottle Of Cillit Bang.

 

[coventrygull]

My ward manager said she didn't like oral sex. i said she would if I went down on her. The look on her face was priceless.

 

[Nibble]

Doesn't Really Count Because Nobody Was In The Office At 9.45pm When You Were There Cleaning It.

We Were Expecting Some Comedy Incident Involving A Mop, A Wet T-shirt And A Bottle Of Cillit Bang.

Well it does cos it were your missus and daughter that were with me. Funny, your missus she is a right cumgurgling gutterslut cos even tho she thought I was riddled with AIDS she still let smash her in all three holes with no johnny and let me bang your daughter up her chocolate fun slot. She would have to be dirty though cos she is a right Kangorilla beast.

 

[Notters]

Has Nibble been possessed by a demon?

 

[S'hampton Seagull]

Has Nibble been possessed by a demon?

Or someone has worked out his password..... (not me obviously)

 

[Alex Alex Dawson oo! oo!]

Got the security guards on the reception desk at Beecham's in Worthing to tannoy the entire site just before Christmas (1975 I think) with a request for a Mr Clause to call reception. Very considerately they repeated the call twice.

 

[Notters]

Got the security guards on the reception desk at Beecham's in Worthing to tannoy the entire site just before Christmas (1975 I think) with a request for a Mr Clause to call reception. Very considerately they repeated the call twice.

God, I worked there until just over a year ago... I think if you suggested something like that now they'd give you instant dismissal.

 

[Normal Rob]

had a girl feeling rather worse for wear after a heavy night who decided to go for a kip at the far end of the boardroom one lunchtime - she woke up halfway through an interview being conducted. She stood up, made her apologies and left the room.

 

[The Grockle]

I once looked at my colleague’s ebay account at work and noticed he had bought a book titled something like ‘Spice up your sex life for the over 40’s’ and some very strange vibrating sex aids. I printed the pictures off and plastered them around our office. He wasn’t very happy, in fact he looked close to tears.

 

[The Grockle]

I once pretended I had AIDS for a whole year and used to run about the office pretending I had cut myself. I hadn't and I don't. We all had a good laugh the day I told the truth. It was cancer.

I’m not sure if this is reflection of my sick sense of humour but I can’t help but laugh out loud at some of your posts.

 

[TWOCHOICEStom]

I had a workmate desperate to do his girlfriend up the arse.
He went on about it for ages, til one day.. beaming, he strolled in one saturday and told us all that he had!

I then tell my assistant manager this (knowing that the two get on well).
Only for it to be followed by a stern, VERY angry half smile/stare thing...

"You taking the piss??"... "No" I replied... "why?"

"He's going out with my sister."






..oh and his sister was only about 18 at the time, he was 25

 

[The Large One]

Hopefully it might be tomorrow.

The boss in her wisdom (without asking anyone) has decided we're all wearing pyjamas in the office for Comic Relief, and coughing up two quid for the privilege of doing so.

Assuming she actually plays along (unlikely), she could be the only one wearing jim-jams in the office, which would be ghastly cos she's f***ing massive.

No-one else is playing along because thanks to the wonders of banal, gossiping, half-baked, tedious, monotonous, dull, pointless chit-chatters (i.e. women), I now know that hardly any women in the office wear pyjamas in bed. Or anything.

 

[TWOCHOICEStom]

thanks to the wonders of banal, gossiping, half-baked, tedious, monotonous, dull, pointless chit-chatters

Or Binoculars as they're commonly known.

 

[Chester Drawers]

We regularly used to Gaffa tape (arms, legs and mouth) a guy called John to a chair then stick him in the lift at Concorde House (Gatwick) much to the amusement of the airline staff who travelled up and down in the lift to/from their respective check in areas. If we were feeling particularly nasty we'd take him down in the lift and park him in one of the (then) parking spaces at the front of the building ...

 

[porkdog]

We regularly used to Gaffa tape (arms, legs and mouth) a guy called John to a chair then stick him in the lift at Concorde House (Gatwick) much to the amusement of the airline staff who travelled up and down in the lift to/from their respective check in areas. If we were feeling particularly nasty we'd take him down in the lift and park him in one of the (then) parking spaces at the front of the building ...

How along ago was this? i have seen a guy outseide concorde house taped to a chair but i havent worked in gatwick for 4 years or so there is a chance it wasnt him.