Wedding Speech one-liners...

[Gritt23]

I counted 4 of these gags getting used in the speech.



When Easy opened up with the aerial one about "a good reception" I feared his speech would just descend it a cut and paste of this thread.

Top day though, congrats Easy.

 

[Gazwag]

Trust he had a good day and the weather was ok

Who would have though the Easy 10 having to rely on other peoples material

 

[Gritt23]

Trust he had a good day and the weather was ok

The rain held off all the time it needed to, and Easy10 was as happy as he's looked since 4.45 at Hereford.

I think he particularly enjoyed it when the generous Chelsea season ticket holder offered us his infinite wisdom at the bar with,

"Brighton? I don't know why you bother, you are NEVER gonna be a massive club. And it's because of the fans, you don't deserve to be any bigger. Whereas we have endured shit for years and are fantastic fans, have been for years. We deserve this success."

 

[Del Boy]

I have just had a read through Easy 10's thread, these seem to be the best....

1. Hello - can you hear me in the back? Good. Then could you make yourself useful and order me another pint.

2. I was told, "the ideal length of the speech should be no longer than it takes me to make love". So I shouldn't be up here for more than 30 seconds.


3. Snap an ariel off a car (at the scrap yard).

When you stand up to make your speech take it out of your jacket pocket and extend it.

This is where the timing comes in, wait, wait a bit longer, then extend the ariel and say I brought this along to make sure we get a good reception.

 

[Del Boy]

opps - posted that in the wrong thread!

 

[Biscuit]

OK, just over a week till The Big Day, and I'm now penning my speech. I've got a couple of ideas knocking around, but wondered if anyone's got any decent one-liners I can SLIP IN there. Here's a couple I've trawled up which I might or might not use:

"There is one man I havn't mentioned yet, but without whom I can honestly say I would not have been here today. So can I take this opportunity to say a heartfelt thanks to the taxi driver, Derek."

"At this point ladies and gentlemen, can I ask that we have a few moments silence in memory of the 3,000 prawns and 88 chickens who selflessly gave their lives to make this dinner possible..."

"And now I'll hand you over to my Best Man. I've heard it said that being asked to be the Best Man is like being asked to make love to the Queen - its a great honour, but nobody really wants to do it."


....dunno, bit lame arn't they ? Over to the razor-sharp WITS of NSC to help me come up with some pearlers so I don't die on my arse.

!!!!