Vegan advice, please

[The Large One]

Me and the missus have got to go to dinner with two Vegans tomorrow night. Not only that, they are oh so bloody evangelical about their dietary habits. Furthermore, they are Brighton & Hove Green Party members and anti-Falmer Stadium. All this on a Saturday night too. SAKE.

This is all down to the missus and the very strange universe she inhabited before I met her, and friends she never bothered her arse to jettison when I took over her life...

My question is this, when I mention the F-word (that's Falmer to you, Richie, 1066, KTA etc), should I reach for a hammer, knife or sickbucket?

Over to you.

 

[Richard Whiteley]

I know you know your onions, so just pleasantly and politely, stand your ground.

They won't have a leg to stand on.

 

[HampshireSeagulls]

Give me your address and their time of arrival. It's never too late to jettison baggage, and as they are anti-Falmer, I'll do it for free.

Seriously - cook everything in animal fat, then tell them afterwards.

 

[Lady Whistledown]

Slip a little beef dripping into their nut roast.

 

[Grendel]

Make them eat twigs and moss.

 

[ben andrews' girlfriend]

Candlestick, in the dining room!

 

[Franks Wild Years]

Construct a scale model of Falmer out of uncooked mince. Make the pond out of gravy and carve the ducks out of black pudding.
The ploughed field can be made from lines of tripe and the dual carridgway from rashers of bacon.

Then point out to them how much nicer it would look with a lovely green football pitch instead.

 

[Easy 10]

My advice would be to hock a loogie in their vegetable soup starters, then drop your trousers, part your cheeks, thrust your buttocks towards their faces and say "sniff THAT you yoghurt-munching, sandal-wearing, tree-hugging FREAKS", before leaving the restaurant and heading off to the Welly for some well-earned ale.

That should sort it.

 

[Uncle Buck]

When they start off on Falmer, just say you are popping out for some air. Wonder to the local kebab shop and return with the largest, smelliest kebab possible and proceed to eat it at the dinner table, whilst they are eating their roots and soya beans.

 

[Billy the Fish]

Sod the animal fat, put some cyanide in their dinner

 

[mejonaNO12 aka riskit]

your married and still a vegan? not even on your honeymoon?

 

[Icy Gull]

Me and the missus have got to go to dinner with two Vegans tomorrow night. Not only that, they are oh so bloody evangelical about their dietary habits. Furthermore, they are Brighton & Hove Green Party members and anti-Falmer Stadium. All this on a Saturday night too. SAKE.

This is all down to the missus and the very strange universe she inhabited before I met her, and friends she never bothered her arse to jettison when I took over her life...

My question is this, when I mention the F-word (that's Falmer to you, Richie, 1066, KTA etc), should I reach for a hammer, knife or sickbucket?

Over to you.

Go the whole hog and smoke a pipe after dinner

 

[The Large One]

Sorry, when I said 'going to dinner' I meant at THEIR place. f***ing hell, this just gets worse.

 

[Easy 10]

Sorry, when I said 'going to dinner' I meant at THEIR place. f***ing hell, this just gets worse.

I feel my contribution still stands.

 

[Uncle Buck]

I feel my contribution still stands.

As does mine.

 

[Marc]

HIPPIES

Wear a Vandals t-shirt with following logo:

and sing the following Vandals song:

Happy robots say "life is fine"
they're the ones I loathe
they're stupid or they're lying
or a little bit of both

ignore disasters and say that life is great
it never stops the smile on your sh*t consuming faces

The stupid f**king hippies
too stoned to see their lives are f**ked
going with the flow
into the sh*tter they are sucked
and then they got these magic crystals
don't do a god damn thing
just stinking of pachoulli
while they choke on their ginseng

Beating on a drum
you sing of quiet and peace,
burning marijuana
and take the time to hug a tree,
say no possessions,
but get all that you can,
you stink like sh*t and smile through it
Don't ever trust a happy man

Cheery retard masses,
with evil Osmond smiles
way too glad to be
cuz "He" is on your side
and then they hand out propaganda
for sheep to join the cult,
collecting guns,
they rapt your daughters
but nobody's at fault

Beating on a drum
you sing of quiet and peace,
burning marijuana
and take the time to hug a tree,
say no possessions,
but get all that you can,
you stink like sh*t and smile through it
Don't ever trust a happy man

I don't want to go to heaven,
it's filled with pricks like you
I won't go inside the gates,
leave me in the waiting room

I'm sure that God hates you too
he thinks your an obsessed fan
see how you are?

I'll never trust a happy man
Never trust a happy man

Whilst using a syringe to drip a bit of animal fat into their herbal tea, leave by saying 'DIE HIPPIES DIE' repeatedly until you get into your car...jobs a good'un!

 

[Icy Gull]

I feel my contribution still stands.

So does mine, who wants to stink their own house with a fecking pipe

 

[The Large One]

I know you know your onions, so just pleasantly and politely, stand your ground.

They won't have a leg to stand on.

Not after I finish my drubbing incident.

 

[Tony Meolas Loan Spell]

Cant you just say you are too ill to go? Especially if we lose tommorrow?

 

[dougdeep]

Vegetarians are bad enough, but vegans? It's not natural.