[Help] Tom'll Fix It

[Tom Hark Preston Park]

Your predecessor arranged or me to milk a cow blindfolded, can you fix me ?

No. You're beyond fixing.

 

[Tom Hark Preston Park]

Is there a simple way of reinitialising the configuration parameters on my computer when it becomes unresponsive?

I could teach you, but I'd have to charge.

 

[zefarelly]

What do you mean? African or European?

If I may interject . . . African double overhead manifold sprockets are usually imperial, whereaas most European variants are metric

If you insert a metric shaft into an imperial female sprocket apperture, it sometimes works, although failure can occur, particularly with the North African hybrid shafts. I have seen some serious car crashes on such occasion.


If you insert an Imperial male shaft into a metric or Antipidean hybrid sprocket there is usually some serious galling and chafing, often a screching sound can be heard whilst the mate is made. this sometimes goes away, but more often than not reappears with some equally dire consequences.

Its always best to double check with callibrated thread gauges before engaging in a good screw.

 

[gazingdown]

But it’s Australian and it’s still upside down, I just don’t know what to do about it.

 

[The Antikythera Mechanism]

My toilet is blocked. Does a flush beat a full house? If it doesn’t, should I pity the stool?

 

[Tom Hark Preston Park]

My toilet is blocked. Does a flush beat a full house? If it doesn’t, should I pity the stool?

Sounds like you're just going through the motions

 

[zefarelly]

But it’s Australian and it’s still upside down, I just don’t know what to do about it.

If its threads are diamterically opposed then invert it. otherwise **** it. But make sure its fully concentric . . . an ecentric shafting is not good news, it can tear flanges and gussets clean off.

 

[gazingdown]

Or I could just turn it the right way up?

 

[Dick Head]

Or I could just turn it the right way up?

And then turn it the wrong way up again.

 

[TheJasperCo]

Uncle Tom,

I think my dog's broken. It keeps crapping on the carpet, right next to the little pile of newspaper I lay on the floor each night. Should I give up and throw it away?

Yours,
Dispairing of Devon.

 

[timbha]

header alert - are you related to Jim?

 

[Tom Hark Preston Park]

Uncle Tom,

I think my dog's broken. It keeps crapping on the carpet, right next to the little pile of newspaper I lay on the floor each night. Should I give up and throw it away?

Yours,
Dispairing of Devon.

Yes, yes you should. Laminate flooring would be far easier to clean.

 

[Harry Wilson's tackle]

Cracking thread this

And now a little 'on topic' musical interlude that I am convinced the OP will enjoy:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nfkOI9ir4SI

 

[South Stand Bonfire]

Dear Tom,

I'm going to Bruge for a weekend soon with Mrs SSB. How do I get out of visiting the Xmas market and where are the best nooks and crannies to visit?

SSB

 

[Dick Head]

I could teach you, but I'd have to charge.

Charging for a free service?

Having trouble with your central heating? Boiler packed up? Electrical appliance not applying itself?

Post your technical mechanical queries here, for prompt invaluable advice

You will not be charged for this service.

I'm sorry but I'm going to have to find some kind of ombudsman who will help me to sue you and take you for everything you've got.

And I will do it.

 

[Questions]

I have a clearly soothed mole that has taken up residence in my rarely-used kettle. I am wasting gas by boiling each cuppa's worth in a small pan, so my question to you is how do i dispose of this merry, blind, drownable wee mammal? And should i track down its to carry out similar actions?

Is that a gangsters mole like that in the George Raft movies. If so how in heavens name did you get her into an old kettle.

 

[Dick Head]

Dear Tom,

I'm in a bit of a legal wrangle at the moment with an immoral service provider. Could you point me in the direction of a free and impartial ombudsman?

 

[maffew]

If I may interject . . . African double overhead manifold sprockets are usually imperial, whereaas most European variants are metric

If you insert a metric shaft into an imperial female sprocket apperture, it sometimes works, although failure can occur, particularly with the North African hybrid shafts. I have seen some serious car crashes on such occasion.


If you insert an Imperial male shaft into a metric or Antipidean hybrid sprocket there is usually some serious galling and chafing, often a screching sound can be heard whilst the mate is made. this sometimes goes away, but more often than not reappears with some equally dire consequences.

Its always best to double check with callibrated thread gauges before engaging in a good screw.

You think Tom didnt know that already? Useful for the rest of us though. Good thread

 

[portslade seagull]

Tom what time does the helpline stay open to. Could be some night workers needing assistance

 

[Tom Hark Preston Park]

Dear Tom,

I'm going to Bruge for a weekend soon with Mrs SSB. How do I get out of visiting the Xmas market and where are the best nooks and crannies to visit?

SSB

Thank you for your query, which is invaluable to us. Your call has been passed to our specialist travel service Tomsons