Things you should never say to a woman

[Charles 'Charley' Charles]

I came, whats your problem?

 

[Tom Hark Preston Park]

'This air conditioning is BRILLIANT'

 

[thedonkeycentrehalf]

If it is wife/girlfriend:

"You're pregnant - Is it mine?"

 

[NMH]

No you just don't look fat in that dress - stop blaming the dress.

 

[Stat Brother]

Conversation we had last night, (In fairness my hair is in need of a cut).

Wifey :- (re my hair) "You've really let yourself go since we got married".

Me:- "That's rich coming from you, you munter".

I was joking but she didn't seem to see the funny side.

 

[British Bulldog]

"Of coarse I love you darling, I f**k you don't I."

 

[Hannibal smith]

'f*** me love, this is like lobbing a hot dog up the High Street'

 

[desprateseagull]

.. i only married you cos you were up the duff.

..who's the father?

..your mum looks better in that lingerie..

..you suck worse than crystal palace..

 

[Goodfella]

"Is that your perfume or has the dog just come in the room!"

Or: Is that your perfume or has the dog just come on your neck

 

[British Bulldog]

Real conversation from a couple of years ago when we were planning a holiday to Spain.

Me:- "Are you going topless?"

Her:- " No i'm not! I'm not having people looking at my tits!"

Me:- "Well tuck em in yer knickers like you normaly do!"

WHACK!!!